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Steven Hayes is a character role-played by Farmhouse78.


"Ya, Ya, Ya." Starting out, Steven usually introduces himself by his full name - 'Steven Hayes'.

Steven Hayes is an anxious, hardworking citizen of Los Santos, who spends most of his days hanging out and adventuring in the great outdoors with his wife Shirley Lemons, as well as running from danger. He was once a dedicated supervisor at Burger Shot but stepped down to part time. He then lost his part time position after the CEO of Burger Shot, Shelly Smith found out that Steven and Shirley started working at UwU Café. After a temporary shut down of Burger Shot, he was recently rehired. Through a series of mix ups with his role being changed from janitor, to Steven, to Burger Flipper, he was finally given the role of 'Royal Steven'. His second job is as a driving instructor at the Right Of Way Driving School, where he attempts to teach some of Los Santos' most dangerous and unteachable drivers.

Steven was also the owner of three stands previously located at the booths at Dean World. The first being "Bandage Time", a medical supply stall providing affordable first-aid to the citizens of Los Santos in the form of “Band-Hayes". The second being "Lick Me Till Ice Cream", a sweet treat stall offering the best treats to satisfy creamy desires like the Creamy 3-Way and the highly popular Nutted Banana (sometimes with a special double nutting). The third being LemonHayes- a year-round holiday-themed shop full of gifts, sweet treats, and coffee- which Steven co-owns with his wife, Shirley Lemons. Steven and Shirley went on to obtain a business license for the LemonHayes franchise, which combined Bandage Time, Lick Me Til Ice Cream, LemonHayes, and now Lemon Acres, Shirley's own business, under a single company name. Steven had handed over the reins of Bandage Time to Jessie James, and, before her death, Rory had given her blessing for Jessie to run Lick Me Till Ice Cream as well. Under the new LemonHayes name, Jesse James, Lulu Zvereva, and Posy Florian were hired to work both Bandage Time and Lick Me Til Ice Cream.

Steven has started working as a 'Host' at Maldini's Pizzeria, where he greets customers as they enter and encourages them to sit down for a bit to enjoy their meals. But mostly he is often seen hanging out at the side of the counter, "holding it down" as he would say. In working at Maldini's, Steven has had the chance to make several new friends, including Honey Dew, and Finn Brennan, Steven's new best friend. Steven's most recent work adventures came in the form of Fatoni Sarduchi reaching out to him to prepare a radio commercial for Hayes Auto, which then landed him a job at F.S. Holdings as a jingle writer.

Steven owns an orange and black Rune Cheburek, which is affectionally nicknamed "Chebby", and was often the target of various crimes and destruction. He also owns a Rebel, nicknamed McFly due to it's uncanny resemblance to Marty's dream truck in Back To The Future 3, and has the license plate SSADVNTR. Steven also owns a boat that he bought from Oswald Tinkerman, called the SS Sweet Tea, along with several other smaller vehicles and bikes.

Steven claims to not 'intentionally' do crime, despite lockpicking many vehicles (including a bus) and running a great number of red lights a day despite working for the Right of Way Driving School (Although he has also admitted to once renting a Blockbuster video tape and returning it without rewinding it first). However, that doesn't stop Steven from unknowingly doing crimes at the behest of others- Steven's innocence and blissful ignorance leaves him vulnerable to a lot of illegal situations that he is unaware he has even gotten into until it is too late. If he can be convinced into thinking he is helping and doing good, he can be easily persuaded (tricked) to help people carry out a variety of crimes.

Despite seeing himself as a "nice guy" and aiming to live a relatively normal life, Steven is often the target of - or roped into - various chaotic situations. He is frequently kidnapped for bank robberies, threatened, mocked, and even blamed by others. Thankfully with his wife Shirley by his side, much of the harassment has quieted down, as Shirley won't stand for anyone treating Steven poorly (or wishing him a happy birthday when it's not his birthday.) While trying not to die, Steven's primary trauma response is usually running away, if that is an option. If it is not, Steven is often seen crying and attempting to garner sympathy with his antagonists, even going so far as to grovel and sweet talk his way out of situations, including many a traffic ticket.

Steven got bullied a fair amount by friends, co-workers, Kyle Pred, and other citizens/workers of Los Santos. He takes it all in good fun while sobbing uncontrollably and offering himself up to be everyone's punching bag. He has gained more confidence in some situations and doesn't put up with as much as he used to. Although it should be noted that he has a very long fuse, but when it reaches the end... kaboom. And if anyone does anything at all to hurt Shirley, there is no holding him back. He even went so far as to stab Mel Rickenbacker when Mel stabbed Shirley during a play for Bryce that Steven and Shirley were acting in.

Rest assured that when his life is not in danger and all is going well, he will say it is "Tickety-Boo".


Steven Hayes' backstory changes frequently, depending on who he is talking to and whether or not he trusts them with the truth. For example, Steven has claimed that his hat was a gift from an ex-girlfriend, and he never takes it off because it acts as a reminder of her. This isn't true - Steven actually bought the hat himself, but tells that story in order to avoid being made fun of for it.

Steven grew up on a small island outside of Los Santos with little education of the 'outside' world, explaining why he can often be so clueless about particular things. He was bullied in school for many things, such as his “big ears”. He grew up in a house with two parents who had very much fallen out of love with each other. His father had told him he was conceived on a "dirty toilet seat at the airport". With the island being so small, Steven never had to learn to drive a car until he moved to Vice City at 23 years old. Steven's parents had him move to the 'big city' as they claimed he needed 'real world' experience - he first moved to Vice City, where he remained until early 2021, when he moved to Los Santos. He is no longer in contact with his parents, who forced him out 3 years before moving to the city. It is also worth noting that this story contradicts one he often tells of his parents leaving him at 13 to "get milk and cereal" and having to then be raised by a Walmart employee. No matter the case, he has many people around Los Santos that feel more like family now, making him feel at home.

Steven's belief that he was dating Shirley Lemons stemmed from a 'date' they once went on together to Rooster's Rest. Due to Steven's previous lack of experience with women, he truly believed this was a date and that Shirley was his girlfriend as a result. Neither of these things were true. Shirley had not been in contact with Steven for a very long, extended period of time. Steven was the most awkward man when it came to talking to women, so it was easier to believe in his fictional relationship with Shirley. That was until he and Rory Borealis started dating for real. And shortly after they began dating, Shirley returned to the city. This, plus some other issues in the relationship, caused both Steven and Rory to re-examine their relationship and they came to the conclusion that they were not right for each other.

Steven and Rory broke up, and Steven moved on to the woman who always had his heart- Shirley. Due to Kiki Chanel stealing everything he owned and his landlord evicting him, Steven moved into Shirley's apartment. They are very, very much in love with each other and went on to purchase a house in Paleto together and own two dogs, named Winnie the Pooch and Scooburger. As of January 26th, 2022, they have become husband and wife.



" Ya Ya Ya!"

(Upon answering the phone) "Hello, this is Steven Hayes. You've reached Steven Hayes!"

" [insert object here], my one weakness!"

" Don't do murder, eat a burger!"

" Six pounds of mouth-watering beef, grilled to perfection, served on a bun with lettuce, cheese and just a dab of ketchup."

" How about a rimjob? Hot, steamy, and dripping from the hole. Once you have one of my rimjobs, you'll be licking those lips for days."

" It's not my birthday!"

" I'm not here to judge. I mean I do, but that's not why I'm here."

" Oh don't worry it could happen to anyone. It doesn't, but it could."

" Do you know why the windshield is bigger than the rear-view mirror? Because what’s in front of you is more important than what’s behind you."

" I have 7 dollars."

" Imma head out."

" Taste death, live life!"

" I'm twenty six."

Future Plans

Steven Hayes future work place.png

Steven is currently working with Shirley to obtain a storefront for the LemonHayes empire after the farmer's market and booths at Dean World closed down. They were also previously saving up funds to potentially buy a submarine, but it is unknown if they will pursue buying it.




  • Shirley - One of the first people Steven met in Los Santos, they became fast friends. When Shirley returned to Georgia for a while, Steven never knew if she would return. He mistakenly referred to her as his girlfriend, if anyone asked if Steven was seeing anyone. After attempting to move on from her by dating Rory, Steven couldn't believe his eyes when Shirley reappeared in front of him at the pier. They started dating after Steven and Rory broke up and are now married as of January 26th, 2022.
  • Kyle the Hobo - Probably one of Stevens best friends and was willing to kill a man for Steven. Still undecided if Steven would do the same for him. Trained Steven how to use a firearm along with Scruffy. Steven is often ends up paying for everything when he hangs out with Kyle.
  • Scooburger - His good ol' faithful hound that he may or may not have murdered.
  • CeCe - CeCe and Steven had a tumultuous friendship at best, they constantly tackled each other and gave each other snarky remarks. They spent time with each other outside of work and Steven referred to these outings as "Bondage Time!"
  • Posy - Steven has, on multiple occasions, referred to Posy as one of his best friends. In return, Posy refers to Steven as her 'emergency friend'- the one person she trusts and contacts in case of an emergency. She is one of Steven's longest lasting friends, and is always there to help him whenever he needs her.
  • Clara - Steven met Clara when he accidentally hit her with his car not long after she moved to the city. After some miscommunication and an attempt at an apology where Steven drove his car into the ocean, the two began talking and have, over time, become very close friends. Steven has a lot of trust in Clara and considers her to be one of his closest friends, and vice versa.
  • Ryan - They didn't get off to the best start since Ryan would tease Steven when they worked neighbouring stalls. Ryan always liked Steven but always figured Steven wasn't his biggest fan. After noticing how often Ryan and Clara spent time together, Steven played matchmaker by interrogating Ryan over the phone, asking what his intentions were with Clara- to which Ryan didn't know how to respond but planted the seed in his mind to ask her out on a date. After Ryan and Clara's breakup, they have drifted apart.
  • Thomas - Their friendship started very oddly as Thomas would just appear to Wenmo Steven money every time he saw him, which would result in Steven shouting at Thomas to stop and take it back- which Thomas never did. Thomas was investigating the Smileys at the time of Steven's little group being attacked- with Thomas sharing his findings of Mr. Smiley with Steven. He has stated multiple times that he would take a bullet for Steven, and Steven trusts Thomas with some very sensitive information regarding the attacks.
  • Bryce - Someone who brings all sorts of trouble with him- good or bad. Steven sometimes doesn't under Bryce's movie references, which results in some light teasing from Bryce. He began pushing Steven and Shirley together despite Steven still dating Rory at the time. Bryce clearly knew that there were some underlying feelings from both Steven and Shirley no matter how much they both tried to deny it, and has been a key part in their relationship. Bryce even helped Steven out with the proposal to Shirley with the hopes of being able to throw an open bar and BBQ bachelor party for Steven... mostly Steven.
  • Oswald – Oswald and Steven's friendship started from them bonding over their mutual "sad boi" feelings about everything. They met at Burgershot, and ever since Oswald and Steven started to spend time together. Oswald constantly referred to him as his bromiesexual, and repeatedly said he looked up to him due to the emotional richness in his life. Steven even set Oswald up with Clara Mellow, a relationship which ended up falling apart. For a while, they didn't speak after an incident at Oswald's mansion where he forced Steven to do coke, threatening to hit him with a sledgehammer. But in the end they put aside their differences, and were on the road to patching things up when Oswald passed. Steven took Oswald's death hard, and mourned for him by wearing black and adopting a new life motto; "Taste death, live life!"
  • Jessie - Steven and Jessie James met at UwU Café, and ended up going on a snowball search expedition with Posy that ended with a trip to Pillbox for the latter. From then, they hung out a lot while Shirley was away for a week, and Steven ended up entrusting her to run both Bandage Time and Lick Me Till Ice Cream. Once Steven learned about Cece Beyond's death, and once Rory Borealis passed away, both booths became commemorative. Jessie normally runs one or the other with Steven's other Bandage Time employee Elle Fyhesilfes whenever she's around.



  • Jerry - Once someone that Steven regularly bantered with during his early days at Burgershot, Jerry was involved in the kidnapping of Steven and Shirley when Shelly found out that they were working for the Uwu Cafe. As one of the people there under Shelly's command that forced Steven and Shirley to drink profuse amounts of alcohol that landed them in Pillbox, and even made Steven eat a Kiki toy, Jerry and Steven were understandably at odds for a long time. Jerry has recently apologized to both Shirley and Steven for what happened, and while Steven is still hesitant to be friends again, and gives Jerry a bit of a hard time when he sees him, he seems to be slowly accepting Jerry's apology.
  • Grognak The Destroyer, Attorney at Law - A confusing friendship formed from Grognak desperately wanting to fill out surveys for free heartstoppers. Steven was, in a way, an unofficial "sugar daddy" to Grognak. While he was first confused by Grognak, he saw them a friend. Steven fought with Troy for Grognak's affection, and sabotaged their relationship. Grognak found out about the sabotage and was very angry at Steven. Troy and Steven have since cleared the air. Interestingly, Steven is one of the only people to insist on calling Grognak by their full name. Even though they have formed a friendship, Grognak still terrifies Steven.
  • Jimmy "Bike Guy" - Jimmy is a coworker at Burger Shot who tends to bully Steven relentlessly and Steven responds in kind. Steven even once kicked him so hard that EMS had to be called to the Burger Shot. After all is said and done they both have been through a lot together and will occasionally be courteous. Steven also seemed exasperated that Jimmy and Grognak became fast friends. Recently, the tension between Steven and Jimmy came to a head as Jimmy stole Steven's Cheborek. Feeling disrespected, Steven spiralled and went to the Vagos to put a hit out on Jimmy. After Jimmy was set on fire by the Vagos and Steven accidentally drowned, they both put that aside and continued picking on each other whenever they meet.
  • Roland Nelson - Roland and Steven have a rather turbulent relationship. Sometimes, it can be completely cordial, and sometimes Roland will try and kill Steven. This uncertainty caused by Roland's life by the dice terrifies Steven, as he does not know which Roland he is going to get at any given moment.



  • Kyle Pred - Pred always comes into the Burger Shot to obtain free food and insult Steven's big head. Steven comforts himself by saying to others that Mr. Pred is his best friend and that they are planning a fishing trip, when in fact they are never going on that fishing trip... For the first time on April 29th, 2021, Kyle Pred did not insult Steven in a conversation. Progress! Steven does get Pred back in some sense, by putting various Kiki toys or teddies into his Murder Meals, or by sassing him.
  • Kenneth Jesperson - Someone Steven heavily suspects is behind the Smiley attacks, based on Thomas' word. Kenneth contacted Steven 3 months prior inquiring about a driving test- something Steven had forgotten about. Won't be forgiven for stabbing/carving a Smiley face on Steven, Shirley and Posy's back- the last also having her throat slit.



  • Dawn Hearte - Did not tell Steven about the ice cream stand according to Steven. Also sent Roland to pick him up only to be kidnapped. Intentional? Or not? Steven badgered Dawn about going skydiving. Dawn had saved Steven from Grognak's wrath and wanted the two to talk it out. Recently helped Bryce with Steven's plans to propose to Shirley.
  • Sherry Paie - Steven's previous BurgerShot manager on duty during the hours that he is awake. Steven is undecided if she is a friend or just plain terrifying.
  • Yoi Tsukita - Almost said the "L-O-V-E" word after hearing her say his favorite phrase "Ya, ya, ya!" Helped Steven with a potential date with Kiki.
  • Troy Donahue - Troy has been nothing but kind to Steven. Steven heard of Troy's relationship with Grognak the Destroyer Attorney at Law. Steven tackled Troy and impersonated Grognak in a prank call to Troy. Devastated Troy went to Steven for a comforting voice in which Steven pretended to not know anything about the situation and comforted Troy with a bro-hug. Since then, the misunderstanding has been cleared up and they're friendly to each other.
  • Kiki Chanel - Steven competed in a bachelorette contest and made it to the final two for a date with Kiki. Steven is terrified by Kiki as she always yells at him. Kiki, in turn, seems to be obsessed with Steven- chasing him down and yelling unrepeatable expletives that terrifies Steven to his very core. More recently, Kiki stole Steven's belongings which caused him to be evicted and he moved in with Shirley. Kiki has since found out about the engagement.
  • Claire Seducer - Scott Turner set up Steven for failure with Claire when Scott stole Claire's van. Steven has since paid Claire money and apologized profusely even though he was not at fault. Steven is terrified of her and the repercussions of that day as she is friends with the CEO of Burger Shot, Cassie Cupcakes.
  • Cassie Cupcakes - Cassie hired Steven to work at Burger Shot. Recently Cassie gave Steven a 10k bonus for all of his hard work.
  • Bench Guy - While having constantly yelled at Steven to "F--- Off", he showed a soft spot for Steven as he yelled at Sheriff Kyle Pred when EMS drove off while Steven lied on the ground unconscious.
  • Oki Doki - Steven said multiple times that Oki Doki is the best worker at Burger Shot.
  • Rory Borealis - A wild card, and Steven's first girlfriend. She started out as just a customer of Bandage Time, but over time they formed a friendship from Rory understanding Steven's weird ways of speaking. After mutually splitting up, they have drifted apart.
  • Billy Sprinkle - A chaotic relationship at best, Billy's attempts at getting Steven to "grow some balls" have often ended badly. Despite Steven correcting him constantly, Billy insists on calling him "Steven Nathaniel Hayes" or "Steven Stevenson". Billy's attempts at trolling Steven with his 'posters' often exasperates him.
  • Scruffy Doodle - Scruffy claims to be Steven's son, despite it not being true- he affectionately refers to Steven as "Pops." Scruffy is one of the few people that Steven has ever trusted to drive the Chebby. They are on rocky terms since Steven has decided to quit Burger Shot and started bad mouthing them a little. Steven also knows that Scruffy helped throw Lucas Spade in a vat of oil after they shot him in the head, so he doesn’t trust him anymore.
  • Lucas – Steven and Lucas met when Steven decided to go fishing by himself and got a call from Clara Mellow saying that she was taken hostage at the Right of Way driving school, and they were demanding to see Steven. He then took Lucas with him as a “meat shield”, just in case. From this stemmed Lucas becoming Steven’s personal assistant. Although Steven could be very harsh towards Lucas, deep inside he cared about him and saw his younger self in him. Recently, there has been a strain in their relationship, due to Steven returning to Burger Shot, and they have not talked for quite some time.


  • Farmhouse78 banned chat from saying "Bondage Time", so now chat refers to it as "Bandage Time." This also serves as a reference to how often Steven gets injured and needs to apply bandages. "Bandage Time" also appears on his trading card. This made him start a medical supply stand called "Bandage Time" which sells Band-Hayes.
  • Steven often feels like he is not respected by anyone.
  • It is NOT Steven's birthday every day, despite everyone else believing otherwise.
  • Steven spouts sexual innuendos all the time. No one really knows if he's just that innocent or he really KNOWS what he is saying.