Robert Realman is a character role-played by Gladiator Jones.

General Description

Robert Realman is a Realman™ and definitely NOT a robert. He is an Andrew. Robert just wants everyone to be happy.


  • "Watch out for the rocks!"
  • "Be sure to put your strap on or you'll be ejaculated from the car."
  • "You have a nice butt!"
  • ”I don’t want to be implicated with a clipboard.”
  • ”I think both of our butts are on fire like a house!”
  • “Thank you for your business!”
  • "Unrelated!"
  • "Who's to say?"
  • "..Practice Car!.."
  • (to anyone on a phone call) "Tell them I say hi."


  • Definitely not a serial killer
  • Also definitely not a robot.
  • Robert does not steal cars. However, when he bought a set of practice lockpicks, he was told to practice them on an RV. Now, he sees all cars as "Practice Cars."
  • Robert does not run red lights. He is just always traveling on a parade route, which needs to be tested.
  • Robert has no fear because he does not know he should be afraid. The world has been good to Robert. Except when it hasn't but he always takes it in good stride.
  • Robert is VERY passionate about voting.
  • One-time, tag-team, limo-racing champ.
  • Whenever Robert zones out, he starts singing "Mr Roboto" by Styx, without realizing it or remembering it after he stops.
  • Robert loves to dance when he's not busy, and does his best to get others to dance with him.
  • Robert loves wearing top hats.


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