Nettie Machete is a character role played by netsirk.

Introduction Edit

Nettie is a melodramatic member of the EMS who is prone to dragging others into her romantic misadventures while she is off-duty. Her sweet and friendly exterior is just a facade as she's an incredibly mischievous woman who takes great joy in gaslighting and emotionally tormenting her peers with her outlandish schemes and antics.

Nettie is currently dating Jordan Steele and they plan to run away together to Arizona, and sell handmade turquoise jewelry.

Relationships Edit

Tracy Martell Edit

Nettie and Tracy were formerly in a hot and cold relationship that spanned several months and saw the couple constantly at odds over slight misunderstandings, much to the exasperation of their friends and co-workers. It was generally agreed upon by both parties that they needed chaperones for their dates as they'd be likely to kill each other if they were left alone for too long.

Despite their often abrasive relationship, they both cared deeply for each other and expressed their affection via extreme cases of highly possessive jealousy when they were apart. This included stunts like "going straight", framing a potential suitor with vehicular manslaughter, bribing members of various gangs to gossip about each other, threatening to stab romantic interests with dirty syringes, and lying about dating other people to make each other jealous.

The Chaperoned Date Edit

For their first date, Nettie wanted to do something that would show off her bad girl side for Tracy and she received some ill-fated advice to stage a robbery/kidnapping to impress her. Despite running the idea past Brenda and being advised not to do it, Nettie went forward with the plan when she happened across Mia Mersion and Ryan Parker while they were in the Pillbox lobby.

Mia and Ryan pitched a scenario where Nettie and Tracy would go on a tour of the harbor at which point Nettie would take the keys for the boat at gunpoint and go joyriding with Tracy. This plan quickly fell apart as after Nettie stole the speedboat Tracy pointed out that they were no longer chaperoned. This caused Nettie to turn the boat around and kidnap Mia and Ryan, much to their confused dismay.

Fortunately, the date ended without anyone dying, despite Nettie at one point attempting to abandon Tracy at sea during an argument.

'Brakked' Edit

At some point, Tracy got it in her head that she should test how faithful Nettie was. This led to her paying local stripper, Dee Mented, to seduce Nettie with a lap-dance. Little did Nettie know that Tracy was waiting in a nearby booth to spy on her. Unfortunately, the poor acoustics of the room led Tracy to believe that Nettie was, "chowing on her leather cheerio" which ended up causing a massive fallout between the couple the following workday. The conversation ended with Tracy declaring the couple 'Brakked'.

Unbrakked Edit

Eventually, the two ended up signing a contract to un-brakk but not before Nettie had already spent a week playing the field with both male and female suitors. The contract went through several revisions before Tracy finally agreed to the stipulation that she take Nettie on a second date and that they apologize to each other.

The Second Brakk Edit

Shortly after getting back together Tracy took several days off. During this period Nettie continued spending time with suitors she had courted during the previous brakk. On the day Tracy returned to work, the couple got into a heated exchanged over an illegally parked car in front of Pillbox and Nettie let slip that she had been seeking out attention from other women in Tracy's absence. The ensuing argument ended with Tracy declaring the couple brakked again.

Left in Limbo Edit

Several weeks after their third breakup Tracy began intermittently trying to get back together with Nettie, but the spark had already been lost. Despite Tracy's best efforts to entice Nettie with her usual tactics, the couple never formally reconnected. Tracy at one point even made a long-shot attempt to rekindle her romance with Nettie by proposing to her while they both operated on a patient, but nothing came to fruition as the pair haven't worked the same shift in over a month. Nettie has taken to jokingly assuming that Tracy has died.

Katherine 'KitKat' Kaspar Edit

Katherine, or 'KitKat' as Nettie called her, is an aficionado of the supernatural who fancies herself a ghost hunter. Her sweet and friendly demeanor quickly won Nettie over as a friend and the pair ended up spending quite a bit of free time together both during ride-alongs and while Nettie was off duty. The two would later grow closer after spending an evening together bonding over a ghost story, reciting poetry, and discussing Tracy's toxic behavior. Nettie would later surprise Kitkat by asking her out on an official date.

At the end of their first date, Kitkat caught Nettie off-guard by asking her to be her girlfriend. The official status of this relationship was short-lived, however, as the following day Kitkat would go on a date with Jerry Callow to the grand opening of Zee Mathers' new restaurant. An act which would enrage Nettie once she found out; as she had planned on taking Kitkat there on a date that very same day. The event ended with Nettie declaring the couple brakked and that she didn't want Kitkat contacting her ever again.

Jerry Callow Edit

Several weeks after Jerry stole KitKat from her, Nettie became embroiled in a plot by Bovice to torment the hospital and EMS staff working at Pillbox. Jessie Skid informed Nettie that she was being targeted by an unknown female agent of Bovice and was perceived as an easy target due to her womanizing ways. This lead Nettie to the conclusion that her safest bet would be to marry a man as an excuse to keep women away. Knowing Jerry to have a reputation as a 'beta' who typically collapses to peer pressure, Nettie decided to focus her efforts on him.

After asking Jerry if he'd be interested in marrying her, Nettie began spending the following week going around the city telling everyone that he was her fiance despite the pair neither dating or being formally engaged. Several days after initiating this plan, the Bovice threat to EMS subsided but Nettie continued pushing forward with it as she resolved to use the potential marriage with Jerry as a vehicle to get revenge on him for destroying her relationship with KitKat.

Jordan Steele Edit

Sometimes referred to as the "Parking God", Nettie was no stranger to Jordan due to his time working as the parking enforcer for Pillbox. Like many other EMS, Nettie genuinely respected Jordan for his tenacity in keeping the emergency lane clear of parked cars so that ambulances could navigate the front of the hospital.

Shortly after deciding to marry Jerry, Nettie inadvertently discovered that Jerry was potentially cheating on her with Kayden Steele, one of Jordan's two wives. As did most of the city, she would quickly learn. Nettie was later approached by Brenda on behalf of Jean Steele, where she asked Nettie to seduce Jordan as part of their plan to entrap him because Jean wanted a divorce.

Jean and Kayden eventually resolved to both divorce Jordan on their own terms but, much to Brenda's dismay, Nettie continued with her plan to seduce Jordan as a way to emotionally wound Jerry. Nettie discovered that the job was easier than she had anticipated as Jordan was already seeking her out to get even with Kayden for cheating on him with Jerry.

The Beach Date Edit

Without coordinating their revenge, Jordan and Nettie went out on a beach date while both under the guise of genuinely being interested in dating each other. This plan eventually spiraled out of control as the pair discovered they had a deeper interest in each other than they had anticipated. Chaos ensued because Nettie had Bailey aiding her on the radio as a wingwoman but didn't realize that Tony, Brenda, and Kayden were all spying on the date via the radio as well. After the date ended Nettie and Jordan were confronted in front of Pillbox, with Kayden telling Jordan that she was divorcing him and Tony telling Nettie to stay away from Jordan.

Downward Spiral Edit

The following day Jordan received 15 strike points after running into Lauren Forcer with his police cruiser after his tires had been popped with taser prongs. After signing off duty and getting drunk at his lot, Jordan drunk-dialed Nettie in front of Jean and asked her on an impromptu date. Little did Nettie know that while Jordan was on the phone with her, he had accidentally run Jean over with his car, incapacitating her. The incident was made even more awkward as Nettie was one of the attending medics on the scene due to her proximity to the incident. While Bailey was loading Jean into the ambulance Jordan called Nettie and attempted to get her to meet with him. She agreed and she told him to meet her at her house in the Vespucci canals.

Once together Jordan went on a drunken tirade about Lauren and how she wanted to get him fired, after eventually calming him down, Nettie convinced him to meet with Lauren at MRPD and confront her directly about his grievances. In a drunken stupor, Jordan ranted to Lauren about being in love with Nettie and that together they were going to move to Arizona and sell turquoise. Later that night, Jordan was eventually grabbed by Bo Tucker in front of Pillbox after an altercation with Kelly Smith and was then put in a drunk tank for his own safety. Shortly before blacking out he lied to Bo about having already slept with Nettie.

Recent Events Edit

In the days following Jordan's drunken episode, Nettie and Jordan began going around town telling people that they were in love and getting married while they were on duty. This eventually led to Jean confronting Nettie about the rumors and Nettie seized the opportunity to double down on sabotaging Jean's marriage with Jordan.

Friendships Edit

Bailey Jade Edit

Bailey is a fellow EMS and Nettie's partner-in-crime for many of the elaborate schemes she formulates while on duty. Nettie first met Bailey when she was a trainee and, after an initial wave of hazing, became fast friends with her in spite of the young woman's unyielding optimism. The two often ride together and have been known to help each other in brainstorming solutions to problems in their love lives. Despite having a prominent role as a mentor in Bailey's life, Nettie regularly abuses her trust and plays rather cruel pranks on her for her own amusement. Perhaps a hallmark of Bailey's naivety, she typically forgives Nettie after the fact.

Nettie has given Bailey the nickname 'Best Girl' in recognition of her support and willingness to go along with Nettie's various plots.

Kizzy Neveah Edit

Kizzy is Nettie's former therapist and best friend. Despite knowing that Kizzy was straight, Nettie developed a romantic interest in her because she felt Kizzy was one of the few people in the city who truly understood her. Nettie and Kizzy eventually had a falling out after Kizzy gossiped to her coworkers about something Nettie told her in confidence. The incident caused Nettie to cut all ties with her, going as far as hiring Jean Steele to perform a breakup song for Kizzy to signify the end of their friendship.

Roughly a month passed before Nettie eventually tried reaching out to Kizzy again. Nettie was shocked to discover Kizzy had been fired from Pillbox and developed a crack addiction. Despite her best efforts, nobody working at the hospital would give her a straight answer regarding the circumstances of Kizzy's termination. Nettie eventually met Jessie Skid, another former patient of Kizzy, and together they teamed up to try to and puzzle out what had happened to their former therapist.

Additional Relationships Edit

The 'Not-Dates' Edit

Being a bit of a flirt, Nettie had no shortage of romantic attention during her initial breakup with Tracy. This led to her getting into numerous mini-dates with various women across Los Santos. Despite at one point officially getting back with Tracy, Nettie would continue spending time with some of these women. Most notable among them were Katherine 'Kitkat' Kaspar, Ester Strong, and Daphne Tillamuck.

The 'Straight Phases' Edit

Embittered by her lack of success while dating women, Nettie has gone through several 'straight phases' where she attempted to force herself to like men. Her reasoning for each phase varies dramatically: too many women vying for her attention, not enough women vying for her attention, making an ex jealous, legitimately attempting to court men who she finds passible, boredom, etc.

This lead to her pursuing various men throughout Los Santos, much to the confusion of everyone who knows her as a lesbian. Most notable among them were Dennis LaBarre, Bodean 'Bo' Tucker, Huck Guthrie, Jerry Callow, and Jordan Steele.

Poetry Edit

Nettie has an affinity for poetry and has been known to read poems to people she cares about. While she has done this for several women, reading poetry is a habit that she reserves for people who she considers truly special.

Notable Poems that Nettie has read include:
Advice To A Girl Sara Teasdale
Who Knows If The Moon's E. E. Cummings
My Girl's Tall With Hard Long Eyes E. E. Cummings

Quotes Edit

  • "Remember me as I once was."
  • "I've been prepared to die for years."
  • "I'm mostly alive, but partly dead."
  • "I have negative friends."
  • "I am many things..."
  • "I'm the vest fairy."
  • "You see... the thing is..."
  • "That's right, you did this."
  • "Women will be the death of me."
  • "Eat the spider, Bree! Eat it, eaaaat it!"
  • "When are these people going to DIE already?"
  • "Dammit, I didn't have a death poem prepared!"
  • "Don't you ever, and I mean ever, waste E. E. Cummings on a stripper."
  • "Don't worry, I haven't had somebody die under my care in ages. It's actually a bit disappointing."

Trivia Edit

  • Nettie exhibits many telltale signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder but her condition largely goes unnoticed due to people perceiving her as eccentric and cute. Many of her crueler jokes are actually genuine sentiments that fly under the radar.
  • After having her sternum crushed during a hit-and-run accident, Nettie no longer has ribs.
  • As of September 10th, she was promoted to the position of Paramedic.
  • Nettie first asked Tracy out on AOL instant messenger.
  • Nettie's AOL username is: Nettie123XL5.
  • Nettie is a virgin.
  • Nettie is a Gemini, though she claims to be a Pisces.
  • Nettie owns a Rhapsody, a Glendale, a Michelli, and a Faggio v3.
  • Nettie has a somewhat fatalistic sense of humor and will frequently make casual jokes regarding her own mortality to herself. A habit that regularly causes concern among her friends and co-workers.
  • Nettie has slowly assimilated many of Tracy's personal idioms and catchphrases since they started dating.
  • "Brakked", sometimes spelled "brak'd", is a slang-term for breakup which originates from Tracy. Its initial usage was cause for concern as Nettie wasn't sure what it meant, "-but it sure does sound bad."
  • Nettie tends to find possessiveness incredibly attractive, particularly in women who she already has a crush on. This has led to her frequently pining for Tracy's jealous outbursts when they're apart.
  • Nettie has an affinity for poetry and has been known to read 'death poems' to patients who die in her care.
  • Tracy claims that Nettie's chest and butt are square and blocky, much like the 2009 video game Minecraft.
  • The thought of openly expressing physical intimacy has caused her to flee from a conversation on several occasions. She has made progress, though, as she at one point touched hands with Tracy while they were both wearing gloves.
  • Despite being friends with most of the staff at Pillbox, Nettie has held a firm stance that her co-workers aren't family.
  • Nettie has suffered several traumatic brain injuries over the years, the most severe being when she tripped over a barrier and fell 100ft into the lower Pillbox parking lot.
  • Nettie is notoriously bad at remembering names. She frequently lists contacts in her phone under nicknames that she makes up on the spot, a practice that has come back to bite her on numerous occasions.
  • Prior to asking Tracy out, Nettie created a Sims 4 family and lived out a fantasy of being married to her in-game. Something which she never confessed to Tracy in real life.
  • Nettie has a collection of unclaimed teeth which she keeps on her person, just in case she ever needs a transplant due to the cavities she's gained from copious Mountain Dew consumption.
  • In hopes of reducing the number of calls EMS gets flooded with, Nettie began donating body armor to the citizens of Los Santos and calling herself the "Vest Fairy".
  • Due to the stresses of work and the happenings in her life, Nettie has begun substituting sleep with caffeine.
  • Ever since her breakup with Kitkat, Nettie has sported a semi-permanent smudged mascara look. A side effect of crying to herself in the Pillbox parking lot every morning before starting her shift.
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