Massimo Gossimer is a character role-played by kassemg.
General Description[]
Massimo Gossimer was a Cadet for the Senora Desert Sheriff's Office, Badge #569
He co-founded The Gooon Squad along with best friends, Dimitri Barkov and Lani Larson.
He was previously a Mechanic for the Senora Desert Sheriff's Office.
Personality[]
Massimo is often crass and abrasive. When he first arrived at The SDSO looking for work, he quickly got into an argument with the janitor, Gyatt Milk, and wore a Bondi Boys MC jean vest (because he liked the way it looked) which made some of the deputies believe he was gang affiliated. Despite a rough introduction, he has proven to be a good and loyal friend to those closest to him and has shown a capacity to learn and grow from mistakes.
Background[]
Massimo Gossimer is an all American patriot. His biggest ambition was to become a police officer, calling himself, “Massimo Gossimer, Soon to be Officer”. In the pursuit of his goal, Massimo applied for a job at the Senora Desert Sheriff's Office. Despite his rough edges, he managed to impress Senior Deputy Neil McReal with his enthusiasm. McReal managed to help him get a job at the SDSO as a mechanic.
Before his life in Los Santos, Massimo was a drug addict, but was brought through “the steps” to rehabilitate him. “The steps” are an extremely unorthodox, and often dangerous, version of the more common 12 Steps program. He has sense become a sponsor and unlicensed rehabilitation “specialist”, helping others with their addiction issues.
Events[]
| Enter Massimo/The Presentation |
|---|
| Massimo managed to ruffle a few feathers soon after being brought into the SDSC. As a result Sergeant Silas Grimmer suggested that he put together a presentation about how to respect your co-workers, for an upcoming SDSC meeting. Although Massimo put in a sincere effort, the presentation was a disaster. The unintentional crassness of the presentation had the opposite intended effect and gave many at the SDSO an even worse impression of him. |
| The Rehab Hammer |
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| Previously, Massimo’s love interest Deputy Philomena Hawthorne, had been kidnapped by Cat Gang and forced to ingest lean, creating an addiction to the drug. While Massimo and Philomena were out to lunch at Shrugway with their friends and fellow admin assistants at the SDSO, Dimitri and Lani, Philomena stepped out for a few moments. Suspicious that she had stepped away to do more of the drug, the remaining three planned to confront Philomena, suggesting they secure her to a bed in order to wait out the effects of drug withdrawal.
When Philomena returned, the group surrounded her and questioned her about the purple color of her lips, a sure sign of lean use (or purple candy use). It became clear to Massimo what must be done. Based on his previous experience with his own addiction and rehabilitation, he did the only thing he could do. He took out a hammer, a tool specifically designed to aid in drug rehabilitation, and hit Philomena over the head knocking her unconscious. After trying to smooth things over with the Shrugway staff, the group took Philomena’s limp body to Lani’s house, with the purpose of tying her to a bed until her addiction had run its course. In the process of moving her body to the house, Philomena regained consciousness and fled the group. A chase ensued over fences and roofs. Out of love for Philomena and a desire to help her with her addiction, Massimo was forced to use his rehab hammer on her two more times, finally ending the chase right outside the back lot of the SDSO. Someone had witnessed this and mistook the rehab for assault and called 911. Scared that his actions would be misinterpreted, Massimo also called 911 and claimed that someone had overdosed and passed out behind the SDSO, in order to cover for his actions. The group attempted to get their stories straight and even ditched the hammer in a bush. When confronted by Sergeant Silas Grimmer, Massimo immediately confessed everything. It was determined that despite the great harm caused to Philomena, the group did not act in malice, as they were trying to help her. Massimo was ultimately charged with reckless endangerment and assault with a deadly weapon, and sent to prison. The charges were at a letter date rescinded. Suffice to say, the whole event only did more damage to his image at the SDSO and gained him a mortal enemy, Philomena’s then fiancé Deputy Andrew Hanneford. Despite her being the victim of the assault, it was on Philomena’s word that the group was allowed to continue working at the SDSO. After prison, he decided to ditch his clean-cut look and went back to his classic mullet and vest. |
| The Goo(o)n Squad |
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| Oddly enough, the events of the rehab hammer only brought Massimo, Dimitri, and Lani closer together. A previous off-hand remark from Silas Grimmer became the genesis of the group’s new moniker when he called them the Goon Squad. Although initially upset at the name, the group soon embraced it and seemed to embody the name even more.
After getting suspended from the SDSO for assaulting Philomena with the rehab hammer, Lani gave $20k to a very grateful Massimo and Dimitri to help them make ends meet. They both tell her that they hope she isn't using the money to buy their love and friendship, but Lani tells them that she's never had real friends before that their friendship is worth more than money. Although on very thin ice, the Goons managed to avoid the major consequences of their goonery and remain hired onto the SCSO (with the exception of Lani who, much later on, got arrested for impersonating an officer and torture). The Goons managed to repair their relationship with Philomena and recruit her into the Goon Squad. Massimo was very active in recruiting additional members and managed to bring on Jeffrey Price, Kitt Catsworth, Kraven Moorehed, and Wally McGillicutty as members. Past and current potential recruits and hangers-on have included Bruce Collins, Ross Adams, Janet from Shrugway, and Tandy Miller. After a brief confrontation with a member of the Goon School, and being made aware of another ‘Goon Squad’ in the city, the group wished to avoid retaliation from them by slightly rebranding. They tried to differentiate themselves by adding an additional ‘o’ to their name, one for each founding member, making them the Gooon Squad. |
| The Cadet Academy |
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| Despite all odds, and several very close calls with getting in legal trouble again, Massimo was offered a cadet position at the Senora Desert Sheriff's Office. On Sunday, June 4th, 2023, Massimo and Dimitri began their formal cadet academy training. |
Momentous Dates within the Government[]
Unified Police Department[]
| Rank | Insignia | Note | Date |
|---|---|---|---|
| Mechanic | - | Hired as a Mechanic for SDSO | April 1st, 2023 |
| Cadet | 
|
Hired to the SDSO; Badge #569 | June 1st, 2023 |
| Cadet |
|
Fired | September 21, 2023 |
Trivia & Quotes[]
Trivia[]
- Dislikes mimes due to past mime related trauma. Before living in Los Santos, mimes killed his parents and abducted his friend, Snake.
- Former avid listener of The JRE podcast.
- Has had a long term infatuation with Philomena Hawthorne.
- May also have feelings for Jeffrey Price.
- Is very nearly illiterate. In the time leading up to him being offered a cadet position at the SDSO, he has begun seeing a tutor to improve his reading and writing.
- Has a blackish belt in karate.
- Has an additional set of clear membrane eyelids, similar to that of some lizards.
- Had an uncle named Jobe, who was a renowned greased pig wrangler. Uncle Jobe was the first ever human to have himself greased up and caught by pigs.
- Uncle Jobe was later murdered by Gary Gripps, who poisoned Jobe using a poison that was exclusively found with greased up pigs, as a way of covering his tracks.
Quotes[]
- "I'm putting you at the top of the ass-blast list."
- "What the frick?!"
- "Philly!"
- "The future is Goon!"