Kirk Jerkems is a character role-played by Thio.
General Description[]
Kirk Jerkems a.k.a. Janky the Clown is part of the New Clown Order. He also masquerades as "Humphrey Pumpernickel", leader of the "Bread Gang".
Background[]
Kirk Jerkems started out in Los Santos as an RV-driving, mullet-loving methhead from Kona, Alabama. He cooked and helped distribute copious amounts of 51-rhinoceros methamphetamine for a shadow crime organization called The Stable where he eventually earned keys to the Barn and a promotion to Senior Stable Hand. He headed the Stable operation for one of the earliest armored car meth runs in the city and gave Lt. Jeffrey Bundy the biggest break in Det. Sexton Hardcastle's Stable investigation when Kirk accidentally interrupted his own raid.
After the Stable dissolved in December 2021, he shared a "Bandito Bunker" with fellow Bandito Boy Abner Vaca and then later became "Janky" in his close-friend Chatterbox's group, the Clowncil. Kirk helped the clowns with heists, drug trafficking, and wars—and once had a bounty on his head for wearing the surgically-stolen face of Mayor Mickey S.
Kirk finally retired from the meth game after his second drug trafficking conviction and the seizure of both of his meth tables. He left Los Santos with the clowns on December 11, 2023 to fight in The Great Mime War of 2023 and returned to Los Santos five years later having fallen out with the clowns (and sworn off the clown life).
History[]
| Return to the Clowns |
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Kirk spent his first couple of months back in Los Santos trying to stay on the "straight and narrow path to success." He tried out many a gig but had yet to find the perfect job for him. First, he became a successful mechanic, but was not a fan of having to go search for materials. Then, he tried getting into moonshine, but was scammed while paying for his first distillery sets and got angry at the lack of decaying food to be found. Somewhere between those gigs, Kirk made a few poor financial decisions. He borrowed money from Damien Tinkerman and purchased a FUTO—then he tried to gamble to make the money back and failed. In the end, Twinkles said he'd give Kirk the money (and then some) if Kirk donned his Janky mask again and signed the New Clown Order Clownstitution. Kirk became a Clown again on January 24, 2024.   Clown Hall where the NCO elected Janky as one of two Elders on February 20, 2024 Kirk then set out to take down the New Clown Order, but was thrown a curveball when he was voted in as one of the two Clown Elders on February 20, 2024. His Eldership ended on April 4, 2024. |
| Kirk vs. the Raiders MC |
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While stranded outside of a mine shaft on February 2, 2024, Kirk attempted to phone in a favor from Raiders MC Patched Member Maxx McAllister for the time he saved her from bleeding to death in his Guber car, but she declined because she and the Raiders were still recovering from venomous snake bites. Raiders MC President Darcy Lane sent her ex-husband Beverly Brekker to pick Kirk up, but warned Kirk over the phone that if anything happened to him, she would feed Kirk's head to the dolphins. Chatterbox tricked Bev that he was the one who needed the ride, stranded Kirk and Bozo at the mine shaft, and mocked Kirk's phone threat to not hurt Bev. However, Bev returned to Kirk unharmed after Chatterbox told him the truth.   Humphrey foiled by a semi-truck on February 7, 2024 Disguised as vaudevillian and "Bread Gang" leader "Humphrey Pumpernickel," Kirk kept prank calling the Raiders MC daily, unaware that the harmless fun would go horribly awry. On February 7, 2024, he ran away from their Enforcer Rue Day, prospect Wally West, and prospect Tom Aoki into the Vespucci canals. Although Rue caught up with Kirk's friend Pico Pingafria (disguised as "Tony Tortilla"), Kirk sliced Wally with a knife in the water over his claim that Rue had stabbed Pico. To Kirk's horror, he found out in a phone conversation with Pico that he was actually fine, that he had only talked with Rue, that Wally had lied, and that Kirk had started a war against an entire MC over a simple misunderstanding. In retaliation, Rue stabbed Pico for real and left with his phone (with contacts) and hunting rifle. Raiders MC high command Wade Wilson and Lane also went looking for Kirk in Vespucci Beach, but left because they were in the middle of a Grime job. As a fake alibi, Osvaldo Pingafria lied to Lane that he and Kirk had been hunting. Kirk offered to pay Lane to rough up his friends Osvaldo and Jamal (for $750 each) at Snr. Buns—but Rue, Wally, and Tom didn't find anyone there. While running from the Raiders MC near Mirror Park, Kirk tried to mount a slowing semi-truck but got dragged underneath the wheels instead. Laughing, Wade took him with Rue to a remote location. They let Kirk off with a warning without bothering to unmask him, and Wade took his IFAK and phone before they dropped him off at the hospital. Wade returned Kirk's phone afterward.   Kirk spying on a meeting between Mayor Yung Dab, his wife Siobhan, and Lane on February 9, 2024 Both the Raiders MC and Kirk moved on from the incident, with Rue hiring him to kidnap Harper Bazaar for stabbing her and four ADMC members. On February 9, 2024, Kirk phoned Lane to properly introduce themselves and to give her a Moonshine Bottle as a gift. To Kirk's confusion, she invited him to Chumash Pier to guard her in a meeting with the Mayor's wife Siobhan Thoroughbred and her lawyer friend, Atty. Sebastian Birch. However after Lane got really drunk on Kirk's moonshine, Mayor Maximilian "Yung Dab" Thoroughbred showed up unannounced to confront her with Siobhan and Sebastian. Yung Dab and Siobhan became uneasy about Lane's odd behavior and Kirk's obvious attempt to hide behind a fence, saying they had already been kidnapped from Davis City Hall by Sonya Summers, her "goons", and Jessi Adler. As a prank, Kirk texted "its a trap" to Yung Dab and glared at them (as Siobhan called moonshine "toilet booze") from behind the fence holding a wrench. Afterward, Lane left with them and Kirk discovered that Raiders MC Patched Member Mason Calaway had been watching them all though a hunting rifle. On February 15, 2024, Lane declined Kirk's phone offer of $2500 to hurt Bobby Beldrum because Bobby is her "best friend's grandpa". When Kirk mocked her and called the Raiders MC a "book club", Wade Wilson, Maxx McAllister, Thomas Aoki, and Wally West rolled up on him outside of Snr. Buns. Per Lane's orders, Wade stabbed Kirk and left. Afterward in a phone call with Kirk, she told him that she knew he was in the "Bread Gang", that he had stabbed her prospect Wally, and that he and Osvaldo had lied about hunting. She explained that the disrespect in his last phone call had finally crossed the line. Going forward, Kirk maintained a love-hate relationship with the Raiders MC where he continued to reach out to them (mostly Rue Day) but also occasionally provoked their ire. |
| The Clowns and Ray Mond vs. BonBon |
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  Hiccups with The Company shooting Dundee and BonBon on March 29, 2024 Ray Mond (a.k.a. clown Hiccups whom Chatterbox wanted the New Clown Order to protect) asked Kirk, Ursula Leichenberg, and Twinkles to guard her at the "My Career Academia" prom on March 29, 2024 from ex-clown BonBon. Kirk was disgusted by Ray's news that BonBon had officially joined the new Bondi Boys MC. Ray's prom date Irwin Dundee (Prime Minister of the new BBMC) grew suspicious of her texting with Kirk, and confronted him that he knew about the clown drama with BonBon. Dundee then set up Ray by swapping places with BonBon, who was disguised as Dundee. BonBon stabbed Ray. Near Ray's hospital bed, Kirk argued with Benji Ramos for falsely suspecting him of associating with BonBon. Benji was shocked by Kirk's revelation that Ray was the clown Hiccups. Kirk borrowed about $15,000 to buy a gun from Taco Prince, which turned out to be a loaded PD GC17x. Kirk, Twinkles, and Ursula Leichenberg accompanied Ray to a Company meeting (attended by chairmen Raymond Romanov and Mickey Sinclaire) in the underground Legion–Memorial pedestrian tunnel, where Benji tried to mediate peace between Ray, BonBon, and Dundee. Ray gunned down Dundee and BonBon instead. Upon leaving, Kirk remarked, "Seems repaired to me." Afterward, Kirk sped off from the crime scene to draw police Captain Leonardo Slacks away from Ray. To spite the clowns for having too many meetings and for Chatterbox's overprotectiveness of Hiccups, Kirk teamed up with Taco Prince and Chang Gang against them. On April 4, 2024, Chatterbox ended the Elder elections and took over the New Clown Order as its "clown-tator". When BonBon crashed the meeting to taunt them, Chatterbox used him as a cautionary tale. The next day, Chatterbox announced to the clowns that they call him "King" going forward, made Hiccups the "Funhouse Queen", made Kirk the "Clownforcer", and allowed Party Hardy to be a second king.   BonBon hosting a deadly game with hostage Twinkles, Chatterbox, and Hiccups at Stab City on April 9, 2024 On April 9, 2024, BonBon betrayed his ex-wife Sooty Gamwich (whom Kirk had lost trust in for still speaking to BonBon), and coerced her at knifepoint to set up Twinkles at the funhouse. BonBon kidnapped Twinkles, and pinged Hiccups and Chatterbox (the "Queen" and "King") to Stab City. BonBon hosted a game where either Chatterbox or Hiccups could take a zip-tied Twinkles' place. When Chatterbox volunteered, BonBon zip-tied him and then stabbed both Twinkles and Chatterbox. In the resulting knife fight between BonBon and Hiccups, they both took each other out. Sooty arrived to find them all bleeding out, and urgently phoned Kirk to Stab City. Kirk instructed Sooty to safeguard Hiccups' gun and anything else illegal. Given that the paramedic only had room in her ambulance to transport three of them, Kirk volunteered to drive BonBon to the hospital--but instead dropped him off in the dirt, stole his notebook, called Dundee from BonBon's mobile phone with a bad BonBon impersonation, and pinged Dundee to BonBon's location. As Dundee and Tommy Puff confronted Kirk near BonBon's hospital bed, Hiccups told Dundee what happened. But once Kirk's taunt to Tommy provoked Dundee into hitting Kirk with a wrench, the violence escalated within the hospital until the police gunned down and arrested the Bondi Boys MC. Afterward, the New Clown Order discussed war on just BonBon and then took a group photo by The Lighthouse.   The BBMC confront Kirk and the clowns at the Funhouse On April 14, 2024 in Vespucci, Chatterbox and Hiccups (with BoomBoom) dumped a few royal blue cars (a signature color of BBMC cars) in the water. Due to the timing of Ember Quinn prank calling BonBon to laugh at him, the BBMC suspected that she knew who did it. After the BBMC staked out eight of the clowns while they were playing a friendly football game, Party Hardy's girlfriend was stabbed. At the Funhouse, BonBon and five other melee-armed BBMC members confronted Ember, Kirk, Scruffy Doodle, Bozo, Pockets, and Happy D'Klown wanting answers from Ember and the other clowns about who ocean dumped the Vespucci cars. Kirk lied that he would look into it, knowing full well that his clown King Chatterbox and clown Queen Hiccups did it. Ultimately, the BBMC didn't go to war with the clowns over it.   BoomBoom killing her ex-husband BonBon's clown persona In the guise of a "date" on April 30, 2024, Hiccups lured BonBon to a clown trap at the Sisyphus Theater to perform his April Fooze diss track for her. Chatterbox, Kirk, and Twinkles kidnapped him during the performance. Inside an underground tram station, BoomBoom shot him in the head and took off his mask. Chatterbox left him on the rails and shot him a few more times despite Kirk's discomfort. After the clowns left, a tram eventually ran BonBon over. |
| Kirkstarter Campaign |
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  Chatterbox suspending the Clown Code on May 1, 2024 On May 1, 2024, the clowns' way of life was upended by a new Debtors' Prison law in Los Santos where Bolingbroke Penitentiary stopped releasing their inmates until they've worked off all of their debt in prison. Kirk started a "Kirkstarter" donation campaign for his approximate $60K of debt, stopped driving to avoid getting caught without a drivers license, and aspired to become a police officer. Chatterbox was the worst off with his 1.2 million dollars of debt. After Kirk frustrated Chief Justice Alan Crane in a debate over it, Crane estimated to Chatterbox that $900,000 of his debt was from the fines for 15 counts of Adoption Fraud from that time when he just gave the police random names of people he hadn't really adopted. Crane recommended he attend the next City Council meeting to request a pardon for the now repealed Adoption Fraud law. Chatterbox indefinitely suspended the entire Clown Code including its protections of the police to prevent clowns from getting jailed.   Map of the "Sam Gaas" weed turf in La Puerta At Davis City Hall before the start of the City Council meeting, Mayor Maximilian Thoroughbred informed Chatterbox he was pardoning him for the adoption fraud. With the help of Justice Norman Adams' $900,000 reimbursement for it, Hiccups, and Elle Queenie, Chatterbox got out of debt. Kirk began grinding, and began regularly cornering Chang Gang's weed strain "Sam Gaas" with the rest of the clowns.   The Chatterbox set up where Irwin Dundee cut off Kirk's mullet on June 4, 2024 On June 4, 2024, Chatterbox informed Kirk that Cups had resolved the clowns' war with the Bondi Boys MC. Chatterbox still wanted revenge on Gigi for stealing his mask, defiling it, and recruiting The Manor to war with the clowns. He also wanted payback on Kirk for his complicity in the Chang Gang shotgun attack on Chatterbox and Twinkles, stirring the pot with Irwin Dundee, and prank calling The Manor into robbing the clowns. During a Billabong meeting with the BBMC, Chatterbox set Kirk up and ziptied him so Dundee could cut his mullet off. Dundee blamed Kirk for having to blood Wolfe McCreedy out of the BBMC back in 2021 (because Wolfe had refused Dundee's direct order to lure in and torture his best friend Kirk to prove his loyalty to the BBMC), and for the first time noticed the huge "Wolfe" scar that Barry Benson and Collin McKinley had carved into Kirk's back in 2022. Dundee considered the BBMC and the clowns square. |
| First Ammunation Heist |
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  Mr. Ratchet, Chatterbox, Kirk, Twinkles, Yappy, and BooBoo completing an ammunation heist on June 4, 2024 Later that day on June 4, 2024, Kirk joined Mr. Ratchet, Chatterbox, Twinkles, Yappy, and BooBoo on a contract to rob a shipping container for the clowns' first-ever Ammu-Nation heist. Mr. Ratchet worked out the delivery time, grinded the container open, untangle-hacked the Ammunation Crate inside to disable the security on it, and lockpick-hacked the crate open on top of a parking garage to get GC19x gun parts and GC19x magazine assemblies. Afterward, the clowns destroyed the crate. No police responded. |
| Clowns' Fudge Turf |
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  Both debtor's prison and Dundee's hair were gone by the time Kirk returned from his Florida vacation on June 10, 2024. He sported facial scars from a gator attack and a mullet wig Sooty Gamwich had made for him with her own blue hair. Chatterbox notified Kirk that as of today, the clowns could no longer sell weed unless they owned a house on weed turf. Given that the weed turf in Paleto had already been claimed (and no turf was available in Grapeseed), the clowns placed a Hideout Receiver in Fudge Lane to claim that weed turf instead. With Hades unable to claim Sandy Shores turf, Kirk tried to placate Hades leaders Benji Ramos and Raymond Romanov--who were considering warring the clowns for their Fudge Lane turf. The clowns stalled to obtain weapons licenses and guns to gear up for war, but Hades eventually warred with the Chaos Legion MC instead to successfully take over their Sandy Shores turf. Black Lotus, who had claimed the Aztecas Block as their weed turf, approached the clowns about taking over the Fudge Lane turf whenever the clowns moved to Grapeseed. On June 22, 2024, every turf including Fudge Lane could now have two groups in it, allowing Black Lotus to place their own Hideout Receiver in El Burro Heights. When they claimed Fudge Lane as their own turf that the clowns were just living on, Kirk defused the tensions by negotiating a partnership with their co-leader OTT. However, Black Lotus ended up disbanding later that August. |
| First Laundromat Heist |
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  Kirk with Mr. Ratchet, BooBoo, Chatterbox, Yappy, and Crasher in a laundromat heist on June 14, 2024 For Kirk's first laundromat heist on June 14, 2024, Mr. Ratchet led the clowns on the job. Mr. Ratchet cut the generator power at Suds Law Laundromat, alphabet-hacked the inside power box to disable the power, stole the Orange USB, and lockpick-hacked the safe open for $33,000 in banded cash and a Blueprint - Washing Machines; BooBoo tried the hacks also; Yappy and Chatterbox held the hostage and negotiated with the police (Chatterbox gave Yappy a PD-issued GoPixel camera); Kirk and Crasher broke washing machines and dryers for coins. Mr. Ratchet drove getaway from the police with a single car full of clowns, and ejected out of the driver's seat. Kirk took over and drove the car off red garage onto a nearby rooftop for a "pit stop" repair of the car. Mr. Ratchet drove them off the roof and landed the car upside-down. The clowns kept tackling the police so that Kirk could flip the car back over. But Kirk couldn't fit in the car, and ran off when the police spiked it. Senior Deputy Declan Crane fell from red garage trying to jump to Kirk's hiding spot, and the police beat Kirk down when he returned to the getaway car and threw fists. Chatterbox escaped with zero loot; everyone else got arrested. |
| Leader of the Clowncil |
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  Kirk as Clowntator on June 21, 2024 On June 17, 2024, Twinkles apologetically shot and ocean dumped an outraged Kirk (who was morally opposed to ocean dumping ever since he felt bad doing it to Keith Herman) to make him forget the bad news Twinkles had just told him: that Sooty had Twinkles ocean dump her to make her forget that she ocean dumped Chatterbox and Ray Mond to keep them from breaking up. Twinkles also ocean dumped himself to forget. The next day, Kirk woke up skinnier in the ICU with a titanium metal plate in his head courtesy of Dr. Krystal Bordier. However, Twinkles' headshot to Kirk's brain had impaired his logic and reason. Tessa Lamb paid for Kirk's new purple Undertaker outfit. On June 19, 2024, Ray Mond's adoptive father Vinny Pistone shot Kirk, Mr. Ratchet, Ember Quinn for helping Chatterbox kidnap Ray. Vinny executed Chatterbox in the head, making him "braindead" in the ICU until Vinny had him shocked in the head to revive his brain activity. With Chatterbox now in a coma, Kirk took over leadership of the Clowncil as the "clowntator" with wife Sheila Michaels as his queen. He kicked out Happy D'Klown for firing Windsong as their weed grower, removed Miniphone for his disagreements, and negotiated with Black Lotus and Hades regarding the Clowncil's Fudge Lane weed turf in El Burro Heights. He made Mr. Ratchet his second-in-command and Crasher his third-in-command, but eventually stepped down. Still distrustful of Sooty Gamwich for conspiring with her ex-husband BonBon to target Finn Milton for killing her friend Ethyl Winkelfiddle (despite BonBon being a sworn enemy of the clowns who had made a hit list with Kirk's name on it), baiting Twinkles under threat from BonBon so he could stab Twinkles, Chatterbox, and Ray Mond in a deadly game, and recently ocean dumping the latter two, Kirk finally reconciled with Sooty in an emotional conversation on June 24, 2024. |
| First Cash Exchange Heist |
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  Kirk one-shotting the word memory hack in his first cash exchange heist on July 2, 2024 For Kirk's first cash exchange heist on July 2, 2024, he one-shot the word memory hack to unlock the vault door for the clowns. Kirk, BooBoo, Ember Quinn, Bubblegum, and Pockets piled into the getaway car--but Mr. Ratchet didn't fit in the trunk and ran off with the car keys. The clowns scrambled to a nearby judge's car and Kirk drove getaway from the police in it. After Kirk dropped off several clowns, Senior Deputy Jimbo Sutton knocked Kirk's car into the ocean. Kirk swam with a large duffel bag full of banded cash, but then got punched unconscious in the water by Jimbo. Kirk woke up and continued fleeing the police. Mr. Ratchet picked him up in a car and turtled during a jump, but the police landed on them and accidentally flipped them back over. Kirk accidentally got out and eventually chose to get back into Mr. Ratchet's red car rather than Ember's blue car. With the police in hot pursuit, Kirk tossed the duffel bag of loot out of the car window. After Mr. Ratchet jumped out to retrieve the loot, Kirk escaped in the red car. |
| Clown Civil War |
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On September 27, 2024, Kirk returned to Los Santos to some alarming texts about Chatterbox trying to kill clowns. Specifically, Mr. Ratchet texted that Chatterbox lost it, can't remember trying to kill half of the clowns, that Tessa Lamb got hurt, and that he's "convinced other clowns". Kirk rescued Chatterbox from a police chase of him and then visited Tessa (in a coma with a collapsed lung) in the ICU. Ursula Leichenberg confused Kirk with bombshell news that Osvaldo Pingafria had stabbed Tessa on behalf of Chatterbox, and that Chatterbox had reverted back to who he used to be before he knew the clowns. Pockets asked Ursula what side Kirk is on. Kirk reasoned that Chatterbox didn't mean it, given that he had once surrendered during Kirk's shooting spree in prison rather than harm Tessa. In a private conversation at the Vinewood Bowl, Kirk recognized Chatterbox's old voice and accent from when they first met each other. Chatterbox tantalized Kirk with an offer to relive their old times together by "pulling the weeds" like Scruffy Doodle, Pockets, Mr. Ratchet, Tessa, and Snuffles. Kirk defended Tessa as the one clown whom Chatterbox should spare. Chatterbox vouched for Osvaldo, Wayne Freeman, Ember Quinn (once Osvaldo had cut off one of her arms for Chatterbox), and Happy D'Klown as "good clowns". Before reverting back to normal, Chatterbox tempted Kirk with a "good clown" plan to get back to "the way things used to be": a) have Happy kill "King" Party Hardy so they could destroy his clown code book, and b) kill police officer Dick Tips in front of his girlfriend Sooty Gamwich. Later that night, the Bondi Boys MC kidnapped Kirk and Osvaldo. After gunning down Kirk to keep him quiet, Bobby Beldrum shot Osvaldo to avenge Tessa. Chatterbox successfully followed through with the plans. He and the "good clowns" (Happy, Wayne, Ember, Bubblegum, Windsong, and double-agent Ursula) kidnapped Party. Chatterbox forced Party to burn the clown code and jesterment books, proclaimed the New Clown Order and Clowncil dissolved, and had Happy shoot Party in the head. Chatterbox also murdered Dick Tips on October 2, 2024 by stabbing him through the heart and leaving his head in a campfire. |
🚙 Vehicles[]
| Image | Vehicle Name | Description | License Plate |
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Karin Futo | Black and White, purchased January 17th, 2024
SOLD TO Angus Oblong II on April 7, 2024 (Traded for an Obey Tailgater 4-door Sedan) |
85NW61BA |
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Club | Metallic Orange with "Dusche GOLD" beer and miscellaneous sponsor decals. Tinted windows. Covers & Carbon Lids headlight covers. Half Cut Rims. Whitewall tires. Lowered suspension. | UKS193E8 |
Trivia[]
- Kirk comes from a long line of Moonshiners. Some of his family was disappointed when he took more of a liking to meth cooking than Moonshining (spoken about by Grandpa Cricket Jerkems back in 3.0).
- Kirk's middle name is Justin
- Kirk has a PHD in Methamatics
✊ Quotes[]
- "First ya Kirk 'em, then ya Jerk 'em"
- "Hold it down!"
- "Shiftin' Gears and Drinkin' Beers"
- "Drinkin' Beers and Shootin' Deers"
- "I'll wiggle my finger to that"
Gallery[]
February 7, 2024
February 20, 2024
April 9, 2024
April 21, 2024
April 24, 2024
May 1, 2024
May 19, 2024
June 4, 2024
July 2, 2024
December 15, 2023
February 19, 2024
April 12, 2024
June 4, 2024
June 21, 2024
September 10, 2024
BY @Cissa_xx ON TWITTER
| Clowns of NoPixel |
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Big Phil • BooBoo • BoomBoom • Bozo • Bubblegum • Buggy • Chatterbox • Checkers • Cleo Cloak • Cosmo • Crasher • Cupcake • Dee Mented • Delver Lee • Derpy • Dumbles Fumbles • Ember Quinn • Frog • Giblets† • Giggles† • Happy D'Klown • Hiccups • Janky • Keith Herman • Miniphone • Moose Knuckles • Mr. Ratchet • Mumbles Fumbles • Party Hardy • Pico • Pixel • Pockets • Professor Bubbles • Scruffy Doodle • Sour Patch • Snuffles • Stumbles Fumbles • Twinkles • Wendy Thomas • Yappy Clown Associates: BamBam • Button • Dr. Stitches • Hostage • Nacho • Seven Fulmen • T-Bone Former Clowns: BonBon Notable Mimes: David Wonders • Eva Popov • Yuri Popov
Groups: Clowncil (3.0) • New Clown Order • Club Club • Everlasting Clowns of Humble Origins† Enemies: Mimes |