Kirk Jerkems is a character role-played by Thio.
Quick Answers
What is Kirk Jerkems' alias in the New Clown Order?
Where did Kirk Jerkems start his journey in Los Santos?
What is the significance of 51-rhinoceros methamphetamine in Kirk's life?
General Description[]
Kirk Jerkems a.k.a. Janky the Clown is a member of The Funhouse Clowns (previously the New Clown Order and the Clowncil). He also masqueraded as "Humphrey Pumpernickel", leader of the League of Amazing Villains (LOAV).
Background[]
Kirk Justin Jerkems started out in Los Santos as an RV-driving, mullet-loving methhead from Kona, Alabama. He cooked and helped distribute copious amounts of 51-rhinoceros methamphetamine for a shadow crime organization called The Stable where he eventually earned keys to the Barn and a promotion to Senior Stable Hand. He headed the Stable operation for one of the earliest armored car meth runs in the city and gave Lt. Jeffrey Bundy the biggest break in Det. Sexton Hardcastle's Stable investigation when Kirk accidentally interrupted his own raid.
After The Stable dissolved in December 2021, he shared a "Bandito Bunker" with fellow Bandito Boy Abner Vaca and former Stable Hand Xavier Valentine. Kirk later became "Janky" in his close-friend Chatterbox's group, the Clowncil. Kirk helped the clowns with heists, drug trafficking, and wars—and once had a bounty on his head for wearing the surgically-stolen face of Mayor Mickey S. Kirk finally retired from the meth game after his second drug trafficking conviction and the seizure of both of his meth tables. He left Los Santos with the clowns on December 11, 2023 to fight in The Great Mime War of 2023 and returned to Los Santos five years later having fallen out with the clowns (and sworn off the clown life).
History[]
| Return to the Clowns |
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Kirk spent his first couple of months back in Los Santos trying to stay on the "straight and narrow path to success." He tried out many a gig but had yet to find the perfect job for him. First, he became a successful mechanic, but was not a fan of having to go search for materials. Then, he tried getting into moonshine, but was scammed while paying for his first distillery sets and got angry at the lack of decaying food to be found. Somewhere between those gigs, Kirk made a few poor financial decisions. He borrowed money from Damien Tinkerman and purchased a FUTO—then he tried to gamble to make the money back and failed. In the end, Twinkles said he'd give Kirk the money (and then some) if Kirk donned his Janky mask again and signed the New Clown Order Clownstitution. Kirk became a Clown again on January 24, 2024.   Clown Hall where the NCO elected Janky as one of two Elders on February 20, 2024 Kirk then set out to take down the New Clown Order, but was thrown a curveball when he was voted in as one of the two Clown Elders on February 20, 2024. His Eldership ended on April 4, 2024. |
| Kirk vs. the Raiders MC |
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While stranded outside of a mine shaft on February 2, 2024, Kirk attempted to phone in a favor from Raiders MC Patched Member Maxx McAllister for the time he saved her from bleeding to death in his Guber car, but she declined because she and the Raiders were still recovering from venomous snake bites. Raiders MC President Darcy Lane sent her ex-husband Beverly Brekker to pick Kirk up, but warned Kirk over the phone that if anything happened to him, she would feed Kirk's head to the dolphins. Chatterbox tricked Bev that he was the one who needed the ride, stranded Kirk and Bozo at the mine shaft, and mocked Kirk's phone threat to not hurt Bev. However, Bev returned to Kirk unharmed after Chatterbox told him the truth.   Humphrey foiled by a semi-truck on February 7, 2024 Disguised as vaudevillian and "Bread Gang" leader "Humphrey Pumpernickel," Kirk kept prank calling the Raiders MC daily, unaware that the harmless fun would go horribly awry. On February 7, 2024, he ran away from their Enforcer Rue Day, prospect Wally West, and prospect Tom Aoki into the Vespucci canals. Although Rue caught up with Kirk's friend Pico Pingafria (disguised as "Tony Tortilla"), Kirk sliced Wally with a knife in the water over his claim that Rue had stabbed Pico. To Kirk's horror, he found out in a phone conversation with Pico that he was actually fine, that he had only talked with Rue, that Wally had lied, and that Kirk had started a war against an entire MC over a simple misunderstanding. In retaliation, Rue stabbed Pico for real and left with his phone (with contacts) and hunting rifle. Raiders MC high command Wade Wilson and Lane also went looking for Kirk in Vespucci Beach, but left because they were in the middle of a Grime job. As a fake alibi, Osvaldo Pingafria lied to Lane that he and Kirk had been hunting. Kirk offered to pay Lane to rough up his friends Osvaldo and Jamal (for $750 each) at Snr. Buns—but Rue, Wally, and Tom didn't find anyone there. While running from the Raiders MC near Mirror Park, Kirk tried to mount a slowing semi-truck but got dragged underneath the wheels instead. Laughing, Wade took him with Rue to a remote location. They let Kirk off with a warning without bothering to unmask him, and Wade took his IFAK and phone before they dropped him off at the hospital. Wade returned Kirk's phone afterward.   Kirk spying on a meeting between Mayor Yung Dab, his wife Siobhan, and Lane on February 9, 2024 Both the Raiders MC and Kirk moved on from the incident, with Rue hiring him to kidnap Harper Bazaar for stabbing her and four ADMC members. On February 9, 2024, Kirk phoned Lane to properly introduce themselves and to give her a Moonshine Bottle as a gift. To Kirk's confusion, she invited him to Chumash Pier to guard her in a meeting with the Mayor's wife Siobhan Thoroughbred and her lawyer friend, Atty. Sebastian Birch. However after Lane got really drunk on Kirk's moonshine, Mayor Maximilian "Yung Dab" Thoroughbred showed up unannounced to confront her with Siobhan and Sebastian. Yung Dab and Siobhan became uneasy about Lane's odd behavior and Kirk's obvious attempt to hide behind a fence, saying they had already been kidnapped from Davis City Hall by Sonya Summers, her "goons", and Jessi Adler. As a prank, Kirk texted "its a trap" to Yung Dab and glared at them (as Siobhan called moonshine "toilet booze") from behind the fence holding a wrench. Afterward, Lane left with them and Kirk discovered that Raiders MC Patched Member Mason Calaway had been watching them all though a hunting rifle. On February 15, 2024, Lane declined Kirk's phone offer of $2500 to hurt Bobby Beldrum because Bobby is her "best friend's grandpa". When Kirk mocked her and called the Raiders MC a "book club", Wade Wilson, Maxx McAllister, Thomas Aoki, and Wally West rolled up on him outside of Snr. Buns. Per Lane's orders, Wade stabbed Kirk and left. Afterward in a phone call with Kirk, she told him that she knew he was in the "Bread Gang", that he had stabbed her prospect Wally, and that he and Osvaldo had lied about hunting. She explained that the disrespect in his last phone call had finally crossed the line. Going forward, Kirk maintained a love-hate relationship with the Raiders MC where he continued to reach out to them (mostly Rue Day) but also occasionally provoked their ire. |
| The Clowns and Ray Mond vs. BonBon |
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  Hiccups with The Company shooting Dundee and BonBon on March 29, 2024 Ray Mond (a.k.a. clown Hiccups whom Chatterbox wanted the New Clown Order to protect) asked Kirk, Ursula Leichenberg, and Twinkles to guard her at the "My Career Academia" prom on March 29, 2024 from ex-clown BonBon. Kirk was disgusted by Ray's news that BonBon had officially joined the new Bondi Boys MC. Ray's prom date Irwin Dundee (Prime Minister of the new BBMC) grew suspicious of her texting with Kirk, and confronted him that he knew about the clown drama with BonBon. Dundee then set up Ray by swapping places with BonBon, who was disguised as Dundee. BonBon stabbed Ray. Near Ray's hospital bed, Kirk argued with Benji Ramos for falsely suspecting him of associating with BonBon. Benji was shocked by Kirk's revelation that Ray was the clown Hiccups. Kirk borrowed about $15,000 to buy a gun from Taco Prince, which turned out to be a loaded PD GC17x. Kirk, Twinkles, and Ursula Leichenberg accompanied Ray to a Company meeting (attended by chairmen Raymond Romanov and Mickey Sinclaire) in the underground Legion–Memorial pedestrian tunnel, where Benji tried to mediate peace between Ray, BonBon, and Dundee. Ray gunned down Dundee and BonBon instead. Upon leaving, Kirk remarked, "Seems repaired to me." Afterward, Kirk sped off from the crime scene to draw police Captain Leonardo Slacks away from Ray. To spite the clowns for having too many meetings and for Chatterbox's overprotectiveness of Hiccups, Kirk teamed up with Taco Prince and Chang Gang against them. On April 4, 2024, Chatterbox ended the Elder elections and took over the New Clown Order as its "clown-tator". When BonBon crashed the meeting to taunt them, Chatterbox used him as a cautionary tale. The next day, Chatterbox announced to the clowns that they call him "King" going forward, made Hiccups the "Funhouse Queen", made Kirk the "Clownforcer", and allowed Party Hardy to be a second king.   BonBon hosting a deadly game with hostage Twinkles, Chatterbox, and Hiccups at Stab City on April 9, 2024 On April 9, 2024, BonBon betrayed his ex-wife Sooty Gamwich (whom Kirk had lost trust in for still speaking to BonBon), and coerced her at knifepoint to set up Twinkles at the funhouse. BonBon kidnapped Twinkles, and pinged Hiccups and Chatterbox (the "Queen" and "King") to Stab City. BonBon hosted a game where either Chatterbox or Hiccups could take a zip-tied Twinkles' place. When Chatterbox volunteered, BonBon zip-tied him and then stabbed both Twinkles and Chatterbox. In the resulting knife fight between BonBon and Hiccups, they both took each other out. Sooty arrived to find them all bleeding out, and urgently phoned Kirk to Stab City. Kirk instructed Sooty to safeguard Hiccups' gun and anything else illegal. Given that the paramedic only had room in her ambulance to transport three of them, Kirk volunteered to drive BonBon to the hospital--but instead dropped him off in the dirt, stole his notebook, called Dundee from BonBon's mobile phone with a bad BonBon impersonation, and pinged Dundee to BonBon's location. As Dundee and Tommy Puff confronted Kirk near BonBon's hospital bed, Hiccups told Dundee what happened. But once Kirk's taunt to Tommy provoked Dundee into hitting Kirk with a wrench, the violence escalated within the hospital until the police gunned down and arrested the Bondi Boys MC. Afterward, the New Clown Order discussed war on just BonBon and then took a group photo by The Lighthouse.   The BBMC confront Kirk and the clowns at the Funhouse On April 14, 2024 in Vespucci, Chatterbox and Hiccups (with BoomBoom) dumped a few royal blue cars (a signature color of BBMC cars) in the water. Due to the timing of Ember Quinn prank calling BonBon to laugh at him, the BBMC suspected that she knew who did it. After the BBMC staked out eight of the clowns while they were playing a friendly football game, Party Hardy's girlfriend was stabbed. At the Funhouse, BonBon and five other melee-armed BBMC members confronted Ember, Kirk, Scruffy Doodle, Bozo, Pockets, and Happy D'Klown wanting answers from Ember and the other clowns about who ocean dumped the Vespucci cars. Kirk lied that he would look into it, knowing full well that his clown King Chatterbox and clown Queen Hiccups did it. Ultimately, the BBMC didn't go to war with the clowns over it.   BoomBoom killing her ex-husband BonBon's clown persona In the guise of a "date" on April 30, 2024, Hiccups lured BonBon to a clown trap at the Sisyphus Theater to perform his April Fooze diss track for her. Chatterbox, Kirk, and Twinkles kidnapped him during the performance. Inside an underground tram station, BoomBoom shot him in the head and took off his mask. Chatterbox left him on the rails and shot him a few more times despite Kirk's discomfort. After the clowns left, a tram eventually ran BonBon over. |
| Kirkstarter Campaign |
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  Chatterbox suspending the Clown Code on May 1, 2024 On May 1, 2024, the clowns' way of life was upended by a new Debtors' Prison law in Los Santos where Bolingbroke Penitentiary stopped releasing their inmates until they've worked off all of their debt in prison. Kirk started a "Kirkstarter" donation campaign for his approximate $60K of debt, stopped driving to avoid getting caught without a drivers license, and aspired to become a police officer. Chatterbox was the worst off with his 1.2 million dollars of debt. After Kirk frustrated Chief Justice Alan Crane in a debate over it, Crane estimated to Chatterbox that $900,000 of his debt was from the fines for 15 counts of Adoption Fraud from that time when he just gave the police random names of people he hadn't really adopted. Crane recommended he attend the next City Council meeting to request a pardon for the now repealed Adoption Fraud law. Chatterbox indefinitely suspended the entire Clown Code including its protections of the police to prevent clowns from getting jailed.   Map of the "Sam Gaas" weed turf in La Puerta At Davis City Hall before the start of the City Council meeting, Mayor Maximilian Thoroughbred informed Chatterbox he was pardoning him for the adoption fraud. With the help of Justice Norman Adams' $900,000 reimbursement for it, Hiccups, and Elle Queenie, Chatterbox got out of debt. Kirk began grinding, and began regularly cornering Chang Gang's weed strain "Sam Gaas" with the rest of the clowns.   The Chatterbox set up where Irwin Dundee cut off Kirk's mullet on June 4, 2024 On June 4, 2024, Chatterbox informed Kirk that Cups had resolved the clowns' war with the Bondi Boys MC. Chatterbox still wanted revenge on Gigi for stealing his mask, defiling it, and recruiting The Manor to war with the clowns. He also wanted payback on Kirk for his complicity in the Chang Gang shotgun attack on Chatterbox and Twinkles, stirring the pot with Irwin Dundee, and prank calling The Manor into robbing the clowns. During a Billabong meeting with the BBMC, Chatterbox set Kirk up and ziptied him so Dundee could cut his mullet off. Dundee blamed Kirk for having to blood Wolfe McCreedy out of the BBMC back in 2021 (because Wolfe had refused Dundee's direct order to lure in and torture his best friend Kirk to prove his loyalty to the BBMC), and for the first time noticed the huge "Wolfe" scar that Barry Benson and Collin McKinley had carved into Kirk's back in 2022. Dundee considered the BBMC and the clowns square. |
| First Ammunation Heist |
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  Mr. Ratchet, Chatterbox, Kirk, Twinkles, Yappy, and BooBoo completing an ammunation heist on June 4, 2024 Later that day on June 4, 2024, Kirk joined Mr. Ratchet, Chatterbox, Twinkles, Yappy, and BooBoo on a contract to rob a shipping container for the clowns' first-ever Ammu-Nation heist. Mr. Ratchet worked out the delivery time, grinded the container open, untangle-hacked the Ammunation Crate inside to disable the security on it, and lockpick-hacked the crate open on top of a parking garage to get GC19x gun parts and GC19x magazine assemblies. Afterward, the clowns destroyed the crate. No police responded. |
| Clowns' Fudge Turf |
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  Both debtor's prison and Dundee's hair were gone by the time Kirk returned from his Florida vacation on June 10, 2024. He sported facial scars from a gator attack and a mullet wig Sooty Gamwich had made for him with her own blue hair. Chatterbox notified Kirk that as of today, the clowns could no longer sell weed unless they owned a house on weed turf. Given that the weed turf in Paleto had already been claimed (and no turf was available in Grapeseed), the clowns placed a Hideout Receiver in Fudge Lane to claim that weed turf instead. With Hades unable to claim Sandy Shores turf, Kirk tried to placate Hades leaders Benji Ramos and Raymond Romanov--who were considering warring the clowns for their Fudge Lane turf. The clowns stalled to obtain weapons licenses and guns to gear up for war, but Hades eventually warred with the Chaos Legion MC instead to successfully take over their Sandy Shores turf. Black Lotus, who had claimed the Aztecas Block as their weed turf, approached the clowns about taking over the Fudge Lane turf whenever the clowns moved to Grapeseed. On June 22, 2024, every turf including Fudge Lane could now have two groups in it, allowing Black Lotus to place their own Hideout Receiver in El Burro Heights. When they claimed Fudge Lane as their own turf that the clowns were just living on, Kirk defused the tensions by negotiating a partnership with their co-leader OTT. However, Black Lotus ended up disbanding later that August. |
| First Laundromat Heist |
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  Kirk with Mr. Ratchet, BooBoo, Chatterbox, Yappy, and Crasher in a laundromat heist on June 14, 2024 For Kirk's first laundromat heist on June 14, 2024, Mr. Ratchet led the clowns on the job. Mr. Ratchet cut the generator power at Suds Law Laundromat, alphabet-hacked the inside power box to disable the power, stole the Orange USB, and lockpick-hacked the safe open for $33,000 in banded cash and a Blueprint - Washing Machines; BooBoo tried the hacks also; Yappy and Chatterbox held the hostage and negotiated with the police (Chatterbox gave Yappy a PD-issued GoPixel camera); Kirk and Crasher broke washing machines and dryers for coins. Mr. Ratchet drove getaway from the police with a single car full of clowns, and ejected out of the driver's seat. Kirk took over and drove the car off red garage onto a nearby rooftop for a "pit stop" repair of the car. Mr. Ratchet drove them off the roof and landed the car upside-down. The clowns kept tackling the police so that Kirk could flip the car back over. But Kirk couldn't fit in the car, and ran off when the police spiked it. Senior Deputy Declan Crane fell from red garage trying to jump to Kirk's hiding spot, and the police beat Kirk down when he returned to the getaway car and threw fists. Chatterbox escaped with zero loot; everyone else got arrested. |
| Leader of the Clowncil |
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  Kirk as Clowntator on June 21, 2024 On June 17, 2024, Twinkles apologetically shot and ocean dumped an outraged Kirk (who was morally opposed to ocean dumping ever since he felt bad doing it to Keith Herman) to make him forget the bad news Twinkles had just told him: that Sooty had Twinkles ocean dump her to make her forget that she ocean dumped Chatterbox and Ray Mond to keep them from breaking up. Twinkles also ocean dumped himself to forget. The next day, Kirk woke up skinnier in the ICU with a titanium metal plate in his head courtesy of Dr. Krystal Bordier. However, Twinkles' headshot to Kirk's brain had impaired his logic and reason. Tessa Lamb paid for Kirk's new purple Undertaker outfit. On June 19, 2024, Ray Mond's adoptive father Vinny Pistone shot Kirk, Mr. Ratchet, Ember Quinn for helping Chatterbox kidnap Ray. Vinny executed Chatterbox in the head, making him "braindead" in the ICU until Vinny had him shocked in the head to revive his brain activity. With Chatterbox now in a coma, Kirk took over leadership of the Clowncil as the "clowntator" with wife Sheila Michaels as his queen. He kicked out Happy D'Klown for firing Windsong as their weed grower, removed Miniphone for his disagreements, and negotiated with Black Lotus and Hades regarding the Clowncil's Fudge Lane weed turf in El Burro Heights. He made Mr. Ratchet his second-in-command and Crasher his third-in-command, but eventually stepped down. Still distrustful of Sooty Gamwich for conspiring with her ex-husband BonBon to target Finn Milton for killing her friend Ethyl Winkelfiddle (despite BonBon being a sworn enemy of the clowns who had made a hit list with Kirk's name on it), baiting Twinkles under threat from BonBon so he could stab Twinkles, Chatterbox, and Ray Mond in a deadly game, and recently ocean dumping the latter two, Kirk finally reconciled with Sooty in an emotional conversation on June 24, 2024. |
| First Cash Exchange Heist |
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  Kirk one-shotting the word memory hack in his first cash exchange heist on July 2, 2024 For Kirk's first cash exchange heist on July 2, 2024, he one-shot the word memory hack to unlock the vault door for the clowns. Kirk, BooBoo, Ember Quinn, Bubblegum, and Pockets piled into the getaway car--but Mr. Ratchet didn't fit in the trunk and ran off with the car keys. The clowns scrambled to a nearby judge's car and Kirk drove getaway from the police in it. After Kirk dropped off several clowns, Senior Deputy Jimbo Sutton knocked Kirk's car into the ocean. Kirk swam with a large duffel bag full of banded cash, but then got punched unconscious in the water by Jimbo. Kirk woke up and continued fleeing the police. Mr. Ratchet picked him up in a car and turtled during a jump, but the police landed on them and accidentally flipped them back over. Kirk accidentally got out and eventually chose to get back into Mr. Ratchet's red car rather than Ember's blue car. With the police in hot pursuit, Kirk tossed the duffel bag of loot out of the car window. After Mr. Ratchet jumped out to retrieve the loot, Kirk escaped in the red car. |
| Clown Civil War |
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  Kirk recognizing the old Chatterbox he knew (cerca 2021) on September 27, 2024 On September 27, 2024, Kirk returned to Los Santos to some alarming texts about Chatterbox trying to kill clowns. Specifically, Mr. Ratchet texted that Chatterbox lost it, can't remember trying to kill half of the clowns, that Tessa Lamb got hurt, and that he's "convinced other clowns". Kirk rescued Chatterbox from a police chase of him and then visited Tessa (in a coma with a collapsed lung) in the ICU. Ursula Leichenberg confused Kirk with bombshell news that Osvaldo Pingafria had stabbed Tessa on behalf of Chatterbox, and that Chatterbox had reverted back to who he used to be before he knew the clowns. Pockets asked Ursula what side Kirk is on. Kirk reasoned that Chatterbox didn't mean it, given that he had once surrendered during Kirk's shooting spree in prison rather than harm Tessa. In a private conversation at the Vinewood Bowl, Kirk recognized Chatterbox's old voice and accent from when they first met each other. Chatterbox tantalized Kirk with an offer to relive their old times together by "pulling the weeds" like Scruffy Doodle, Pockets, Mr. Ratchet, Tessa, and Snuffles. Kirk defended Tessa as the one clown whom Chatterbox should spare. Chatterbox vouched for Osvaldo, Wayne Freeman, Ember Quinn (once Osvaldo had cut off one of her arms for Chatterbox), and Happy D'Klown as "good clowns". Before reverting back to normal, Chatterbox tempted Kirk with a "good clown" plan to get back to "the way things used to be": a) have Happy kill "King" Party Hardy so they could destroy his clown code book, and b) kill police officer Dick Tips in front of his girlfriend Sooty Gamwich. Later that night, the Bondi Boys MC kidnapped Kirk and Osvaldo. After gunning down Kirk to keep him quiet, Bobby Beldrum shot Osvaldo to avenge Tessa. Chatterbox successfully followed through with the plans. He and the "good clowns" (Happy, Wayne, Ember, Bubblegum, Windsong, and double-agent Ursula) kidnapped Party. Chatterbox forced Party to burn the clown code and jesterment books, proclaimed the New Clown Order and Clowncil dissolved, and had Happy shoot Party in the head. Chatterbox also murdered Dick Tips on October 2, 2024 by stabbing him through the heart and leaving his head in a campfire. Kirk lamented to Tessa about the clowns that were enabling Chatterbox's condition to satisfy their own personal agendas, such as Happy exploiting the situation to shoot Party for once dating Windsong. Tessa informed Kirk that ex-clown Bobby Beldrum offered her sanctuary with the BBMC, but that she didn't trust him enough for anything other than a "nuclear option". On a metal train track bridge on October 4, 2024, Kirk confronted Ember Quinn for lying and continuing to enable Chatterbox by helping him hurt her clown family and even imprisoning her own sister Cleo Cloak in a cage. Chatterbox phoned Kirk to let Ember go because she's a "good clown" that he needs, but Kirk wasn't willing. After she confessed to liking the new Chatterbox, Kirk accused her of liking only herself and how good it felt to hurt whomever she wanted. He recollected how he used to act like her in The Stable, and got warned by Nancy Drew that he wouldn't get any more chances. Kirk shot Ember until she "walked the plank" into the river below, then called in an anonymous 911 for her. In a contentious meeting at the Yellow Jack on October 7, 2024 (where Chatterbox had introduced Kirk to his future wife Sheila Michaels), Kirk defended Tessa from Chatterbox's plot to make her watch him kill more clowns to "fulfill his duties" for the arrival of the "real him". Chatterbox wanted to destroy the The Funhouse next, menaced that Tessa kept getting in his way, and angered Kirk with an intent earn the name "Jagger" back. When Chatterbox floated that Kirk was turning his back on him, Kirk lamented how he killed his last family for him. Chatterbox responded that the same must be done to their clown family, heralded that he'll be "normal" again, and taunted Kirk as "weak" for not shooting him in the head to stop it.   Kirk talking to an unmasked, swearing Jagger on October 12, 2024 On October 12, 2024, an unmasked, plain-clothed "Jagger" confronted Kirk about finding a wall-mounted camera in the basement of The Funhouse. Jagger intoned that he couldn't wait for Wendy Thomas, Keith Herman, and Lily Night-Sky to try to kill him--and that Sooty Gamwich has enough on her plate. Jagger shocked Kirk by openly cursing. In another conversation with Kirk to push his buttons on October 15, 2024, Jagger thinly-veiled a threat against Kirk's wife Sheila Michaels. To Kirk's shock, Jagger couldn't remember Abner Vaca from their Clowndito Boy days. Jagger boasted that clowns and mimes would continue to do his bidding, and that he didn't need friends because they only bring him down. When he pulled a gun out and asked for a good reason not to shoot Kirk, Kirk answered they're best friends. Jagger intoned that he had other plans for Kirk and left. Later that day, Jagger tried to burn down The Funhouse to permanently get rid of Chatterbox, but Tessa Lamb and Bobby Beldrum stalled him long enough for Kirk, Osvaldo Pingafria, and Twinkles to arrive. After Jagger shot Osvaldo, Bobby talked Jagger out of burning down The Funhouse.   Jagger playing "one last game" with Tessa on October 17, 2024 On October 17, 2024, Chatterbox temporarily assumed control of Jagger long enough to put on half of a Chatterbox mask. On the Sonar Collections Dock, Jagger had Tessa play "one last game" where she had to roll three 20-sided dice (similar to what Ray Mond had done to Chatterbox before she threw her gun and left). If she rolled lower than his roll of 17/60, then she would have to shoot him. If she rolled 17 or higher, he'd surrender to the police for breaking parole and "heal" in prison. If she didn't play, he would start a shootout with the police. She rolled 12/20 17/20 17/20. Once she called the police to bring him in, Jagger hugged her and reverted back to Chatterbox. Chatterbox, Nacho, Ember Quinn, and Mr. Ratchet served guilty plea deals for serial assaults and killings, murder of a government employee, and murder. After the events of the Civil War, Chatterbox declared that the Clowncil and New Clown Order were disbanded. Soon after, Mumbles Fumbles began a new project involving many clowns, the Great Republic of Grapeseed. At the start of 2025, "Jagger" reemerged because he felt that "Chatterbox" was failing to keep the clowns in line. Inside of an undisclosed shipping container with Jagger and "Cracky" on January 14, 2025, Kirk listened to Jagger's pitch about why Kirk should help Chatterbox discipline problematic clowns. Kirk admitted that he didn't believe it was an accident that Sooty Gamwich set The Funhouse on fire, and shrugged at Jagger's plan for Chatterbox to shoot her. They both reaffirmed that the clowns were only family when it's convenient. Kirk flicked a cigarette at Jagger's forehead for bringing up how Kirk got his friend Giblets murdered over a prank call. Jagger said Keith Herman, Moose Knuckles, and Pockets have to go using permanent solutions on them, not temporary ones. Jagger also correctly observed that Kirk had been distancing himself from the clowns. Kirk confessed that he avoided hurting certain clowns to avoid hurting the people he loves. Jagger advised that hurting certain clowns would help friends like Tessa Lamb in the long run. Kirk likened Jagger's stubbornness to the clowns', said it wasn't Kirk's responsibility to supervise clowns, and took issue with Jagger's harsh approach to "helping" the clowns. Jagger lauded Kirk's earlier and "happier" time with the clowns when he had more "gangbanger" energy, and suggested looking at The Funhouse mural and deciding for himself which clowns are worth keeping. By the end of the meeting, a lot of the color had drained from Kirk's face. Afterward, Kirk stared at the mural and concluded that everyone should stay except him. |
| First Fleeca Bank Heist |
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On February 6, 2025, Kirk went on a "Hydra Thursday" crime spree with Xavier Valentine's "Los Santos Most Wanted Heist Crew". Kirk, Osvaldo Pingafria, Xavier, and Raul Luis-Blanco boarded a cargo ship in peace, but all of the loot had been robbed already. Kirk, Xavier, and Raul escaped with Osvaldo after he went down in a hail of bullets.   Kirk robbing a Fleeca Bank with the "Los Santos Most Wanted Heist Crew": Xavier Valentine, Raul Luis-Blanco, and Kyler Owens that led to a 90-minute police chase on February 6, 2025 Later that day, Kirk negotiated with LSPD officer Rusty Rhodes and Lt. Ruby York for the hostage in a Fleeca Bank heist with Xavier, his "twin" Kyler Owens, and Raul. Kirk drove getaway in a madcap cat-and-mouse police chase until he turtled the SUV. Raul used a police car to flip the SUV back over and took over the getaway driving. After they escaped, Kyler happened to drive the SUV in front of a police car--restarting the chase. After Kyler drove through the tunnels, Raul and Xavier swapped into his smoking backup car. Raul swapped into Kirk's stolen car with all of the loot (about $200,000 in inked cash) and escaped with it. Kirk picked up Xavier and got boxed by aggressive police at the "Ruby skip". Raul picked up Xavier, and Kirk picked up Kyler in the same stolen car and ramped on top of Ruby's house. Once the car broke, Raul picked up Kirk and Kyler and turtled the Hummer. The police chased all four of them on foot, catching Xavier. The police finally apprehended Kirk when he dived off a rooftop and knocked himself out on the side of a pool, ending the 90-minute police chase. On February 11, 2025, Flippy put a public $50,000 bounty on Xavier's head because of a twatter war between LSMWHC and Hydra that had originally started out as a joke. Xavier loaned Kirk $100,000 with 25% interest to help him prevent a war that he actually just made up. Xavier and Raul Luis-Blanco also gifted an Astron SUV (from the Fleeca getaway) to Kirk. Hydra chased and shot at the clown van Xavier borrowed, and captured Raul. While driving Tessa Lamb in the Astron, Kirk coincidentally ran into Xavier's bullet-ridden clown van and drove him with Hydra's cars in hot pursuit. Flippy pit them all into a pole and downed both Kirk and Tessa. After eventually catching Xavier, Flippy punished him with an order to kick Kirk--but Xavier was only able to kick Tessa before getting tased by the police. The police accidentally handcuffed Kirk before Xavier escaped. |
| Mickey's Cargo Ship Heist |
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  Mickey Sinclaire's dossier for the clowns' heist mission In exchange for information about Ray Mond, Chatterbox agreed to Mickey Sinclaire's heist contract for the clowns to board the SS Bulker cargo ship with an armed NWL security team on it, loot its private cache shipments of weaponry and hi-tech gear, and steal an attack helicopter from the top of it.   Tessa Lamb before a C4 bomb explosion enveloped her during Mickey's cargo ship heist for the clowns on April 14, 2025   Kirk parachuting onto the guarded cargo ship during Mickey's heist for the clowns on April 14, 2025 On the day of the heist on April 14, 2025, Mickey gave Chatterbox a tank for the mission (but misplaced the keys to it). A "clownvoy" of fake safety official Tessa Lamb, grapple gunner Chatterbox, grapple gunner Twinkles, paratrooper Kirk, paratrooper Mr. Ratchet, shooter Derpy, and sniper Happy D'Klown drove to the cargo ship with a "distraction" clown van team including Osvaldo Pingafria, Wendy Thomas, Snuffles, and Sneaky. The captain of the security guards only permitted Tessa to board the cargo ship for her bomb safety demonstration (a ruse to blow up as many guards as possible). Convinced by Tessa's lie that her C4 Bomb was inert, the captain tinkered with it and accidentally blew up her, himself, and two other guards. After Mr. Ratchet fell off the bridge in a failed parachute attempt, Kirk successfully parachuted onto the cargo ship.   Kirk pushing the last of the armed security guards during Mickey's cargo ship heist on April 14, 2025   Last clown standing Kirk reaching the attack helicopter at the end of Mickey's cargo ship heist on April 14, 2025 Happy accidentally fell off the bridge holding the sniper rifle (twice), and the guards shot down Twinkles in a firefight. While pushing the guards with Kirk, Derpy accidentally gunned down Chatterbox with friendly fire. The police shot down both Derpy and Mr. Ratchet as he tried to board the attack helicopter. Having shot down eight different guards, the last clown standing Kirk made it to the attack helicopter--but the police blew it up with a hail of gunfire. Kirk dropped his munitions trying to flee the police, but they eventually caught him along with all of the downed clowns. Tessa fooled Officer Carmine Costello into letting her go, the clowns were charged with maritime piracy, and Happy received a million dollar fine for the Class-3 heavy sniper rifle. |
| Final Battle of the Clown-Mime War |
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  The Mime Emperor and Baron Mimekonnen addressing their Mime army   The Clown army defending The Funhouse On June 19, 2025, Kirk defended The Funhouse in the final battle of the Clown-Mime War against a Mime army led by the Mime Emperor and Baron Mimekonnen. BonBon, Tandy Miller, and Professor Bubbles returned to fight for the clowns. Flop Dugong, Crimbo, the Cuban Federales, the Already Dead MC, and Hydra Gang also fought alongside the clowns. Windsong stayed inside The Funhouse as a combat medic. Helicopters, tanks, and many explosives were used in the conflict. The clowns also had rigged their clown vans with bombs.   The final battle of the Clown-Mime War that reduced The Funhouse to rubble on June 19, 2025 Although outnumbered, the clowns were able to hold off the mimes for a large amount of time. But the Mimes eventually managed to blow up The Funhouse with C4, downing Kirk and about a dozen other clowns in the explosion. The clowns managed to shoot the Mime Emperor to death near The Funhouse. With The Funhouse falling apart due to the C4 explosion and subsequent fires, the combat survivors evacuated the downed clowns before one final gas-leak explosion reduced The Funhouse to rubble. Kirk wound up in the ICU. The Baron became the new Emperor and declared peace to end the war. Several weeks later on July 8, 2025 in the ICU, Kirk finally woke up from his medical sedation with a huge scar on his chest from the shrapnel. He found out from his old friend Delver Lee that The Funhouse was rubble now. |
| Kirk and the Methampheta-mean Girls (First Big Meth Run) |
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On August 13, 2025, Kirk returned from a camping trip to find Chatterbox under house arrest (at the Highwater Asylum) pending his trial for "serial assaults and killings", terrorism (for sniping mayoral candidate Maximillian Angel), and human trafficking. Tessa Lamb informed Kirk that the destruction of The Funhouse had caused Jagger to re-emerge and to use a sniper rifle to shoot about 24 different people.   Kirk cooking his first batch of meth on a brand-new lab table on August 14, 2025 On August 14, 2025, Osvaldo Pingafria informed Kirk that meth tables are back. Kirk bought a new $100,000 meth Lab Table for $120,000 from a sketchy dude at the back of the Grapeseed clothing store and a $5000 Paint Thinner for $6000 (Kirk had won $250,000 prize money in a KTBC fighting competition in the sewers). He then cooked his first Raw Batch of Meth on it, strain 205-mole. Kirk phoned his former fellow Stable Hand Xavier Valentine to inquire about a scale to bag the meth up in baggies. Xavier explained the new big meth runs to Kirk and estimated that they needed about 80 meth pillows to start one--and helped Kirk locate the meth dropoff dude. Kirk recruited Maddie Trejo, Reina Jones, and Hazel Grey into a partnership to cook enough meth for a big run, pool their bags together, and put together a crew to go on a big meth run. Kirk stashed his meth batches all over Windsong's house to cure. By August 26, 2025, Kirk and the "methampheta-mean girls" had finished cooking 75 batches of meth at a total cost of $450,000 in paint thinner.   Sneaky driving Kirk, Reina, and Maddie in their first armored car meth run on August 27, 2025 For the big meth run on August 27, 2025, Sneaky started the meth run with 75 cured batches of meth (including high quality blue meth). At the Los Santos International Airport, he and Reina Jones shot down the sprinting local armored car guards. Sneaky lockpicked the armored 4-door Enus and drove it with Reina, Kirk (on comms), and Maddie Trejo in the passenger seats. Happy D'Klown drove interference in a Tailgater. Sneaky picked up 10 spray bottles of Floor Cleaner, and carried them instead of storing them in the trunk. The tracker activated with 60 minutes until the final cutoff. With a thunderstorm pouring down rain, Sneaky drove getaway from police--and temporarily stopped to throw all of the floor cleaner into the trunk mid-chase. Air-1 joined the police cars in chasing them. Sneaky finally got the email with the dropoff location: the old Tuner Shop docks. When Reina broke her leg trying to repair the smoking amored Enus, she swapped into Happy's Tailgater. The smoking armored Enus finally broke in Vinewood Hills. The police caught Kirk and Maddie. Sneaky hid in a bush with a broken leg until Reina picked him up. The 60-minute final cutoff elapsed. Afterward, Sneaky, Reina, Happy, and Twinkles unsuccessfully tried to rescue Kirk and Maddie. Kirk only got 20 months in prison. |
🚙 Vehicles[]
| Image | Vehicle Name | Description | License Plate |
|---|---|---|---|
|
Karin Futo | Black and White, purchased January 17th, 2024
SOLD TO Angus Oblong II on April 7, 2024 (Traded for an Obey Tailgater 4-door Sedan) |
85NW61BA |
|
Tailgater | Mid-size 4-door saloon. | 126BXHXB |
|
Club | Metallic Orange with "Dusche GOLD" beer and miscellaneous sponsor decals. Tinted windows. Covers & Carbon Lids headlight covers. Half Cut Rims. Whitewall tires. Lowered suspension. | UKS193E8 |
|
Taco Van | Multi-stop food truck. | LU5H362V |
|
Riata | Off-road pickup truck. | 4OK8S6H7 |
|
Buffalo | Civilian car. | I4K0662J |
|
Clown Van | Four-seater full-size van with a clown livery, gifted to the clowns by RON Oil. | 686Z918T |
|
Astron | Compact 5-door crossover SUV gifted to Kirk by Xavier Valentine on February 11, 2025. | T36I1V64 |
Trivia[]
- Kirk comes from a long line of Moonshiners. Some of his family was disappointed when he took more of a liking to meth cooking than Moonshining (spoken about by Grandpa Cricket Jerkems back in 3.0).
- Kirk has a PHD in Methamatics
- Helen Highwater assigned him the "Gooner" tag in the MDT.
✊ Quotes[]
- "First ya Kirk 'em, then ya Jerk 'em."
- "Hold it down!"
- "Shiftin' Gears and Drinkin' Beers."
- "Drinkin' Beers and Shootin' Deers."
- "I'll wiggle my finger to that."
- "Wow I can't believe this car has a coffee maker in it!"
Gallery[]
February 7, 2024
February 20, 2024
April 9, 2024
April 21, 2024
April 24, 2024
May 1, 2024
May 19, 2024
June 4, 2024
July 2, 2024
September 27, 2024
October 12, 2024
January 22, 2025
February 6, 2025
March 4, 2025
April 7, 2025
April 14, 2025
April 14, 2025
April 14, 2025
June 16, 2025
June 17, 2025
June 19, 2025
August 14, 2025
September 15, 2025
December 15, 2023
February 19, 2024
April 12, 2024
June 4, 2024
June 21, 2024
September 10, 2024
May 1, 2025
BY @Cissa_xx ON TWITTER
by ManicNoodlearms