Quick to point out any microaggression and potential fredo-phobia perpetrated by others (he believes Italians to be POCs - People of Carbonara), Humberto is not your typical Italian guido. A biromantic asexual from (allegedly) Liberty City, Don is just as quick to call out injustice as he is to create it. Be careful not to contest his claim to be an Italian, or you'll be on his bad side quickly. Rather than dealing out mob justice, Humberto instead deals out social justice. But don't make the mistake of thinking that just because he's an advocate for social justice, he won't go against the legal justice system if someone crosses him. He has a hot-streak and is quick to suggest violent action, whether prompted or otherwise, for better or worse. He is drawn to the life of crime, and is the type of person who will go as far as he can in order to defend those close to him.
He is recognizable by his golden chain, slicked back hair and exposed chest hair, but has an alternate style of choice with a black leopard-fur coat and bison mask with the same golden chain. He also cannot swim.
Born August 23, 1991 in Hoboken, NJ (though claims it was Liberty City) to loving-yet-loud Italian parents with ancestry in Rome, Italy. He has stated that he went to middle school in Rome. He also attended community college. As a student in high school, Humberto has stated that he "had the makings of a varsity athlete," yet never played on any team.
He claims to hail from Liberty City, having recently arrived in Los Santos, but when confronted about these claims becomes hostile. Not much else is known about his youth except that he came from a traditional Italian household with his mother's domineering presence. He claims to come from the streets, but his street cred prior to arriving in Los Santos has been contested. He would move from Liberty City to Los Santos on February 5, 2021 at age 29.
Humberto has stated that he spent time in San Andreas, but nothing is known about this period in his life.
Don is a biromantic asexual, though the asexual part has been contested during various conversations. He admitted in a conversation with Sasuke Johnson that he is a verse (willing to be both the top or the bottom).
Notable events Don has experienced ever since his arrival to Los Santos.
Don's First Day in the City
Formation of the Cleanbois
After a cigar accident removed his eyebrows, Tony Corleone was quick to take Don under his wing. Don repaid him by breaking his truck window. Meanwhile, Humberto quickly began to make a name for himself squabbling with fellow Italians over what it means to be a "real" Italian and his authenticity as an Italian, much to his chagrin. His Italian street cred was tested through the pronunciation of important words of culture like marinara. It is of note that the people Humberto was arguing with were members of the Chang Gang including Vinny Pistone.
The Rooster's Rest and Taking Out the Vanilla Unicorn
The Cleanbois made their home base Lang's grandmother's abandoned property, meant to be run as a upfront and legal hotel/restaurant/nightclub called the Rooster's Rest alongside the Rooster Cab Co., while planning to sell drugs under the table. The establishment's name comes from the phrase "the rooster flies over nest with egg in hand." After learning of another strip club in the city and visiting it, he and the crew decided they needed to take it out to stay on top.
To take out their competition, the Vanilla Unicorn, Humberto, and his pals planned to light it on fire using gasoline and a lighter. However, they could not acquire a lighter at a convenience store, so they had to acquire a firearm. Humberto told a fake story about his grandmother and him spending their remaining money on groceries, only to be mugged late one night in the city to get himself a license to carry from the city. They afterward had a run-in with the police over Lang constantly running through red lights due to self-proclaimed colorblindness. He and Tony acquired firearms to set the gasoline aflame. The crew set the Vanilla Unicorn alight, getting away in their heavily-damaged bus which they ended up having to leave behind. For a time, his crewmates had intended to potentially use Humberto as a fall-guy by his bullet casings at the crime scene, but by proving his loyalty and willingness to act, his crewmates realized he could not be a snitch and was the real deal.
Robbery of Bryce Miller and Arrest
Following the burning of the Vanilla Unicorn, Humberto and Tony Corleone (dressed as John Lennon) held a robbed Bryce Miller at Raven's Slaughterhouse at gunpoint before a kidnapping, at which point a police chase ensued after attempting to meet with a second getaway driver to swap vehicles. After a small collision during the police chase, he would attempt to swim away from the law, only to be cornered by officers on the beach.
He was arrested on February 5, 2021, for armed robbery, evading police, and providing a false name, while also implicated as an accomplice to a kidnapping. He was taken into custody alongside Tony Corleone, Reggie Bigglesby, and Lang Buddha.
While in jail, Humberto would continue to claim he was a man named Hank Pecker, who had been in an Uber pool and was fishing at the time of his arrest. Hank Pecker would slowly shift from being simply a disguise in an attempt to avoid a crime to an emerging split personality.
The Trial of Humberto v. the State in the case of the Kidnapping of Bryce Miller
Humberto attempted to represent himself when no lawyers were available but was denied for lack of license and would later be called for a trial by combat. In the end, he received a bench trial by jury at his request, presided over by Chief Justice Coyote. Humberto would represent himself against arresting officer Sam Baas as the prosecution, who would bring forward the victim Bryce Miller, with a potential sentence of fifteen months in prison. A lawyer would later arrive in the courtroom too late to preside over the case.
During the trial, Humberto repeatedly tried to differentiate himself from Hank Pecker to object and try to get the charges dropped. Humberto claimed himself to be in the cab at the time of the crime and that it was a matter of circumstance and nothing more. A significant point of contention in the trial was the identification of Humberto by the victim and witness of crime during the lineup, without a mask, in comparison to his clothing at the scene of the crime while wearing a mask (the prosecution attempted to make him wear the mask but the judge denied this.)
Bryce Miller testified that he was brought by two men, one dressed as Santa (Reggie), to a factory, where he was robbed of his shoes and his gun. He could not say that beyond a shadow of a doubt that the man who kidnapped him was, in fact, Humberto, only that their voices and clothes were similar.
When asked by the judge, Humberto waived his fifth amendment right to give his testimony. He claimed to be a fisherman and exterminator, looking for jobs in the industrial side of town with plans to later fish, who got into the wrong taxi cab, assuming it was the one he hailed (an Uber pool.) He claimed to have gotten out of the vehicle and fled to the ocean for his safety and that his "Minerva Rights" were never read to him (referring to Miranda Rights.) The latter was deemed irrelevant by the judge. During Humberto's defense, casual terrorist attacks on a Hot Dog Stand was happening outside of the courthouse. During the following deliberation, Humberto convinced Bryce to see his side, leading to an opening of an emotional distress investigation against the police department regarding his shoes' forfeiture.
Humberto was found guilty only on the charge of resisting arrest, he was a sentenced to time served and given a citation.
Lang and Reginald have their reservations about the fact that Humberto was able to get out of his charges so easily, believing he may have been the one to have snitched on them, leading to all their arrests (there has been no confirmed snitch.)
Don Gets His First Kill
Humberto Gets Away With It But Loses His Car
The minute Humberto left his apartment, he ran into a squad of women including Lana Valentine and Liz Anya. They were looking for someone to act as a rebound for their friend who had been cheated on. Bogg Dann took notice, and asked Humberto for guidance in how he does it, so that he may get the men to see him too. In no time Humberto again ran into fellow Italians, leading to another intense argument about what it meant to be Italian and the harm of stereotypes. He then ran into and (of course) flirted with Molly Minaj while trying to get his vehicle. Bogg came to the rescue, but they were quickly derailed by a collapsing man on the street attempting to blackmail them.
A Confrontation With the Chang Gang
Bogg ran over RameeEl-Rahman with his bike, leading to a confrontation between Vinny Pistone and Mr. Kebun versus Bogg and Humberto, fists were drawn and thrown, leading to Humberto pulling out his firearm. In the moment, he declared Bogg his new best friend. More men came and guns were drawn, leading to the duo being outnumbered and forced to walk away. The final straw was when they took his Italian shoes, which his mother gave him. Humberto promised the Chang Gang that he would remember this.
Humberto linked up with Lang and Sven, meeting up with Saab (whom he met for the first time) and Clayvon, revealing that he acquired six new lockpicks. In the meantime, they sold some dolphins to the poacher Nino Chavez for his aquarium project. While driving, Humberto was questioned by the crew about his Italian identity, and was unable to name the location of Italy, its capital, and what foods they ate (which he stated was best at Olive Garden.) He claimed that he was not there to evade charges, but Saab's suspicions were raised by his response.
The crew took a detour after discussing the visions of Avon that had been plaguing Clayvon all day, realizing that there is something triggering his memories. In order to confront the issue head on, they visited a small shack filled with blue-glowing technology and show him the lean, triggering his memories to start flowing back and bring out the buried Avon personality. This was all new to Humberto, having never been a member of the previous Leanbois gang. Thus, for a moment, the Leanbois reunited. Following this, the gang acquired a beamer, and met at the hospital where the EMS had taken Clayvon to be operated on. Thankfully, he recovered fully following the surgery.
Humberto Hits the Dealership
Realizing they needed more wheels, they visited a dealership, where Humberto laid his eyes on a Honda Civic, his dream car, much to his surprise. While reading the catalog, and upon realizing the cost of the vehicles, Humberto had a narcoleptic attack and threw his fists in all directions, leading to police intervention. By coincidence, one of the frontrunner mayoral candidates Jack Cortair (who also worked at the dealership) also was in the dealership at the time.
He and Tony then took another test drive along with Jack, whom Humberto laid into with some cookie-based puns by making fun of his literal cookie face. They convinced Jack to give them the car as a sort of loaner, to be paid off with their intended earnings from the casino. However, Jack fell asleep and fell out of the car, allowing the duo to take the car for a bit of a longer test drive then intended. In the end they decided to return it as a con, in attempt to get money from the dealership for returning it. They presumed that the car was taken by Humberto, and instantly he is up in arms claiming Italian discrimination on the grounds of being a POC. He ended up smoking with some of the dealers, but had to flee with Saab and Tony after Saab sliced open a woman in the dealership by accident.
The Porsche Plan
After dropping Saab off at the apartments, Tony and Humberto picked up Eugene Zuckerberg and Nino Chavez, who were on the run after beating up a man with a drooping and drooling face at the courthouse. After entering the Hollywood side of town, the group spoted a nice Porsche, and decided to steal it, with the intention of selling it back to the dealership along with their current rides.
Because the economy was on the down and people across Los Santos were low on cash, the group realized they had to vy for a low-cost car, so that way it could be affordable. Instead of selling them to the dealer, they decided to lease out their two stolen vehicles, so that way the vehicles ended up in the hands of others and it couldn't come back to them, although it would cost way too many lockpicks. The final cost was $1,000 for the Porsche (despite the agreed upon cost, Eugene sold the Porsche for $10), $750 for the Mustang, and $500 for the Beamer. They quickly gathered a small crowd of various people, trying to sell each of them the vehicles. One couple Humberto attempted to show the BMW became cautious of Humberto's hesitation to say his name, leading Humberto to presume they might have been cops after they asked to see his license.
The crew realized that a newscaster named Rick Camland from Weazel News at the scene was recording their conversations, and so they gave chase to secure his recording of the business transaction. They caught him and held him up, but heard the police in the distance, and after confiscating his camera and phone, they threw him in the trunk and drove off. However, Rick revealed that if he went missing, the footage of their transaction would be securely uploaded online and they would be exposed. Eugene took the wheel and drove them to his property to deal with Rick a bit more hands on, although here is when he revealed that in the heat of the moment, he sold one of the cars for just $10. At the property, Rick was broken down and started to open up to them and was willing to just call it a simple car show, while the crew realized he may have greater use as a source of information like the mayor or as a source of Cleanbois propaganda.
They instantly felt a sense of regret, realizing that they killed a good man, a reporter. They were overwhelmed in the moment by the crimes they had committed in such a short time, staining themselves with sin. Humberto was especially nervous, considering he knew he was the one who committed the deadly deed. Tony hotwired a speedboat and he and Humberto brought Rick's body with them, dropping it out deep to sleep with the fishes, however it was revealed he wasn't actually dead, although they dropped him in with the sharks anyways. After getting rid of the original vehicle, the crew stole a Sultan from the nearby Humane Labs and were able to make their escape.
The Cleanbois Meet With the HOA
To celebrate their success, they visited the HOAbar and met/mingled with many of their members including Siz Fulker. At the bar, Humberto of course got into his social justice by calling out the toxic masculinity in the room, to no applause. Of course the old man Eugene instantly started explaining how they murdered someone, much to Humberto's worry. To further celebrate, they discussed sharing a woman around for the occasion. However, after the tab is paid, the crew was left with no money earned from their car show.
While at the street corner, the crew ran into the HOA again, leading to a one-way barrage of insults from Buddha to Fulker, to which Humberto defended him from the fatphobia, but in the process hurt his feelings by bringing up his facial scar. Fulker attempted to remind Lang of their prior association, but Lang still did not remember him nor any of the HOA despite them remembering him, causing him to pull out his firearm in a state of confusion. The HOA seemed to remember entirely different relationships that both Tony and Lang could neither recall or remember; only Eugene seemed to remember bits of it.
Humberto got offended by being called out for his chest hair, and then unintentionally insulted the whole lot by calling them "reject Juggalos" and presuming that they in fact have "fucked up faces" when not all of them were comfortable with their appearances, showing how sometimes Humberto was not as much an advocate for the tolerance he preached.
The Fruit Affair
Nino recalled a man named Babalu Okonkwo who while they were at the Vanilla Unicorn Strip Club tending bar, was talking about all the potential profit there was in selling fruit stock. After hearing two businesses in one day complain about low supply and how costs are forcing them to raise their prices to the point where no one is willing to buy their products, the crew realized there was potential profits in becoming a mass fruit mover in Los Santos. If they undercutted the market prices by enough to still turn a profit, there was a lot of clean money to be made amidst the economy's downturn. The only problem was finding the fruit to sell.
Driving around for some time, they searched for farms and fruit trees under the guise of night to survey as potential points of profit. While on a pit-stop, Humberto murdered another innocent man after they made an offhand comment that he was a fake Italian, much to the annoyance of his crew mates. It was with this kill that Humberto realized that he no longer feared the grave act of murder, now believing to himself that he no longer would face the ramifications of prison, as so far he had gotten away with two murders with no consequences in sight.
Eugene On the Run
After little success finding any sources of fruit or farmers who they could talk with about potentially doing business, the crew realized they had to find Babalu himself to talk business, believing him to be working at the Hunting Lodge they went there. While driving to find Babalu, Nino receives a call from Cheddar that Eugene had been taken into custody by the police, and that he was likely already sent to Mission Row (jailhouse) in the meantime. Furthermore, he said that the police knew about the body before saying just kidding (although this was just a Jebait to get their attention.)
However, Eugene instantly called Buddha and tried to get them to pick him up after they robbed a business and took hostages, leading the crew to presume they might have been wired. The big issue with Eugene being arrested was the fact that he had the ID belonging to Rick Rivers, the only piece of evidence that could tie them back to the crime. Thus, the crew decided to let Eugene be their fall guy, declining to pick him up. He kept the ID originally for the purpose of pretending to be Rick Rivers so people thought he was still alive. Knowing what was said in both calls, Tony called Eugene to tell him that with their full car, they couldn't come and save him.
Ramee Makes a Return
Right when they hung up on Eugene, Ramee and the Chang Gang pulled up in a car alongside the crew, talking shit to Humberto about their earlier fight with Bogg. The confrontation escalated into a 3 v. 1 against Humberto as someone pulled out a crowbar. They pulled back once Humberto was almost at the point of no return, agreeing to regroup later on for a proper 1 v. 1 between Ramee and Humberto.
In the meantime, Eugene somehow made it to their vehicle and they were able to get away.
They rushed to bring Humberto to the hospital, as he was bleeding out from his injuries following the fight, however the car was pulled over by the same trooper that pulled Lang over the day before for running through lights with his bus. They were pulled over for running through lights and speeding, to which Lang tried to use your mom jokes to the trooper to deescalate the situation, with a last ditch effort using "Pineapple" to get away with it. Lang claimed the vehicle was borrowed from a Vincent Bob, but that was not the name connected to the plates.
The trooper was on his own, and fearful that he would be jumped given that he was outnumbered, made a deal with the Cleanbois: he would escort their vehicle to the hospital to get Humberto help, and no charges or arrests would occur, so long as they left the stolen vehicle behind to be returned. The trooper followed through and allowed them to bring Humberto to the hospital, however Nino flirts with the doctor rather than focusing on getting help. While detained in the hospital, James Marco whispered Humberto an offer to be a statue in his next film at the strip club, but Humberto did not respond. While going through the tests, Humberto convinced his doctor to grant him his dying wish: call Lang Buddha a massive bitch. In the end, he lived simply to spite Lang despite getting his wish and made a full recovery. Despite his recent recovery, Humberto was still forced to ride in the trunk of Ron's taxi when it was called.
Soon after having Ron drive them to a shop for Humberto to change his outfit (choosing a black jacket with leopard fur), Jordan Steele and Doug come to them asking them to take out Ron over some grievances. Quickly Doug and Don went in on one another with insults, ranging from call outs of each other's clothing to the traditional homoerotic joke and the classic mom jab, ending with guns being drawn and a stalemate once the men who came to the Cleanbois first realized they were outgunned and outmanned.
The Brokebois Go Hunting
The crew's last taxi driver Ron hired the crew to take down Jordan Steele and Doug, who was hiring him to mark expensive vehicles on their map to then steal, setting them up to be robbed of the $500+ they were allegedly carrying on them. Before they could get more information, Jean Paul and Dundee hired Ron in order to be their driver for their next mission, driving off to not be overheard. In moving on to their next mission, the crew hit Lenny Hawk's mom's van, but did not trade insurance and instead drove off after a speeding police car broke a hydrant and further damaged their van.
The crew, while waiting for more information regarding Ron's job, decided to go hunting for pelts in the wilderness to make some dough. However, not only did most of them not have a fishing or hunting license, Humberto did not even have his own hunting knife or rifle and at first had to use a pistol. In the end they had mostly one-star pelts regardless. Humberto quickly got lost deep within the woods as his stress raised, as Nino, Lang, and Tony looked for him in the dilapidated taxi car. They ended finding each other at the hunting supply store, before continuing to hunt and gather pelts. The gang then killed an official park ranger and stole his vehicle, but after two more showed up, they bolted with all the corpses and pelts they gathered to sell. They used their vehicle to get a random stranger to hunt on their behalf, soon after hitting a lone hiker with their van. While driving away from the hiker, they were pulled over by the parks rangers, who asked for their hunter's license with the name Jason Paul and noticed something suspicious, although they ended up being let off.
While hunting along the riverbed, an officer came to Humberto when a deer appeared, and in a moment of weakness, let Humberto shoot the deer. Humberto didn't kill it and just as he was about to talk to the officer, the officer got a call, providing an opportunity for Humberto to escape. Humberto ran away from the scene and then back to find Lang and Tony up river who were being confronted by the same officer who was unaware that they were in fact the ones impersonating park rangers. They ended up flipping their stolen park ranger van upright again (the cops had disappeared and been misdirected by Tony) and they drove off to sell their pelts for a net profit of around ~$400.
The Hunt for Humberto's Hunter
While driving to yoga classes to take off the stress of killing man and beast in the wilderness, Tony made a call to a man named Mick who posted an ad in the Yellow Pages offering $100 for information pertaining to the location of a man wearing a red tracksuit with black slick hair, which was obviously Humberto. Not knowing why he wanted to find Humberto, but at least knowing where the man was located, the quad of Nino, Humberto, Tony, and Lang drove to meet them at the Burger Shot. Sadly, by the time they ended up at the Burger Shot, they were gone.
After yoga however, Humberto realized that not only did he leave the hunting rifle he borrowed in the glove compartment of the stolen park rangers van, they also left the hunting license behind which would tie back to them. In order to not turn their $400 earnings into a total loss, the group went back to the hunting spot to get the rifle back. They arrived to find that both the rifle and the stolen park rangers van were gone, so Humberto suggested that they wait a while and report the rifle stolen. The crew then drove all the way to the Burger Shot, where Steele (the security guard) tried to make them pay $25 for parking. Humberto went so far as to call an attendant a feminazi for trying to charge them, which was directly in conflict with his progressive aspirations. They again ran into the ape Doug at the restaurant, who they left behind after he tried to get in the van with them, with the security officers also opening fire. Humberto got so angry about not being able to take the trigger-happy security to the manager, he went on Twitter and not only tweeted in all caps, but self-retweeted a complaint about how at Burger Shot, you really do get shot, and surprise surprise, they do support murder. It got two retweets, including his own.
Hungry For More Hunting and The Fall
Following the disappointment of the Yellow Pages advertiser not showing up, the crew returned to the wilderness to go hunting, but this time with the help of bait for the chance to get more two and three star pelts. During this, they realized that collectively they had spent over three grand on weapons and supplies, yet made back around just 1/6 of the cost, concluding that they were doing something wrong. While waiting for the bait to do its thing, Humberto fell off a cliff and rolled down, breaking his body in the process. Coincidentally, Nino fell down the cliff right after. Thankfully they both made full recoveries despite their injuries.
The Beginning of the Cleanbois Beautiful Relationship with The LARPers
The Day Begins
Humberto met up with Lang, Sven, Clayvon, and Tony, where he learned about all the money they made, and received an ass lockpick. They realized that they needed to start putting their money into investments such as Shungite (which Clayvon was a big fan of) if they kept making thousands on every hunting expedition through illicit means, and discussed Shungite, but when Clayvon said the word "boys" he had another one of his visions.
Hunting For Profits In A Dog Eat Dog World
After discussing the merits of hunting, they decided to do some nighttime hunting in the mountains, although they needed to stop and get some supplies (rifles, knives, and bullets.) Their van got pulled over for speeding at 57 in a 35 zone, but were let off with only a warning thanks to the good deed Clayvon did for the officer who pulled them over (saved their life) by pulling over and helping them on the highway. At the same time, the two seemed to have a strange connection to one another. It is here that Sven disembarked, and while on route to the hunting shop, the crew discussed the merits of the show The Sopranos, which Humberto surprisingly liked for its portrayal of Fredos and mental health. Humberto learned about their hunting strategy: setting up their van on the peak of Mount Chiliad, and then using bait to pull in the high-end pelts. Sadly Humberto found out that he had missed the mayoral debates, but he had wanted to run so that way he could change the way the workers were all at the bottom and struggled to rise up. He announced his favorability for a UBI program, citing "material" needs, just before successfully shooting a buck. He collected a few more pelts before their truck mysteriously disappeared, leaving him with only one 3-star golden retriever pelt. Humberto was mentally scarred by the fact that he killed a Golden Retriever, even more when he found out it was potentially someone's pet. In the end, they had around $1,500 in pelts. The crew planed to buy a truck with their new money.
The Curious Case of Clayvon
By talking about running for mayor and submitting an application, Clayvon had a memory triggered about Avon running for mayor. Lang and Tony suggested taking him to see a priest to heal him spiritually at the church instead of seeing a doctor at Pillbox who might narc on Avon. On the way to get a new vehicle at the Motorsports dealer, the crew's car clipped a fire hydrant leading to a stop by some officers including Sam Baas however they were never clocked and they did not know who was driving, but it ended with them getting away yet again. Baas further harassed Humberto by saying a criminal cannot run for office, which is false, since criminals can vote. They kept trying to pin it on one of them, so Humberto leveraged the D-word as a mayoral candidate (defund the police) to stop the ticket, leading to receiving just a warning citation. When Tony refered to Clayvon as Avon, he passed out and saw another vision he didn't want to speak of. By asking for a more "liberal price" on the vehicle that they wanted, Clayvon convinced their van dealer to vote for Humberto in the election. The crew had a run-in with one of the mayoral candidates, starting an argument over the fight-night he was hosting and putting him down for being an elitist not representative of the people.
On the Burger Shot Beat
Meanwhile Nino showed up, revealing to him and Clayvon that he had a multi-million dollar car on the downlow. The crew meanwhile started to clown on Eugene out of earshot due to him trying to mess with Nino by threatening to rat on Tony and Lang and him over the attempted Burger Shot robbery. Apparently Lenny now wanted to kidnap and torture Tony, worrying Nino since it would tie back to him. Meanwhile Clayvon went to sleep for the time being. So they decided to snitch on him to the police and/or Kevin in order to get him fired, as Tony got fired for earlier. Eugene revealed that he knows that Lang was also connected (Tony told him), and that Lenny had his suspicions about multiple robbers. They then got Eugene to agree to record Lenny admitting to his plans about Tony, leveraging what happened to Rick Rivers as a threat to reveal. At the gun store, Humberto and Lang went head-to-head on the target range, but they couldn't agree on who actually hit the headshots. At the courthouse, they ended up running into a tow truck union fighting with a city hall member, and Humberto convinced them to back his mayoral candidacy.
Eugene then revealed that Lenny, after the video was recorded, called and told him that it was a "joke" and told this to Tony, and so Nino called bull and claimed that he probably was setting them up. Humberto suggested using the video for blackmail anyways to get a better position, but Tony had the idea to bring it to the manager & owner to get his job back in the first place. Coincidentally, on the way to go hunting and get supplies, they ran into Eugene at the scene of a cougar mauling. Up on the mountain, Eugene explained that Lenny was being flip-floppy on whether or not he wanted to kill Tony, even during the footage in the car. Regardless, they decided to move to the military base hunting spot up in the mountains. Going off on his own for just one moment, Humberto was mauled by a cougar and taken down. He ended up having to be med-evac'd by helicopter to Pillbox by Bailey Jade. On the helicopter, he met with Cletus, who also got mauled by a murder-kitty as Bailey called it. Thankfully he made a full recovery, however he realized that when Buddha took the pelts out of his pocket, he had all his pocket cash taken from him. Humberto, Tony, and Nino then went to sell off their pelts after they picked him up at Pillbox, while Tony does some side business. They then realized that they forgot about the Babalu side-hustle to make more cash. They then meet up with their securities job, moving some injured persons (coincidentally "Reggie" was a part of that crew). Not only did Lang steal Humberto's shoes, he then threw them out of the moving vehicle. After fixing the taxi's engine, they gave a ride to a woman at the scene and Reggie. While at the yoga business, Cheddar from the HOA made an offer to Tony and Nino to in the future drink some wormwood/absinthe drinks and then go hunting, as it will open your third eye and put you on another level supposedly. Of course then ended up buying some top shelf, and it completely messed with their minds when they drank it.
The Camland Confrontation
Before one last fishing trip for the night, Tony, Lang, and Humberto decided to get Burger Shot, before they realized that the food cost $600 for three combos, a major up in price from earlier. They ended up reducing the cost to $50 for three burgers, three fries, and three sodas, but Shelly clocked out before they can buy. They committed Fredophobia and discriminated against the crew, referring to them as Mario and Luigi. Although they did in fact wear red and green, they threatened hostilities but would end up leaving madder then before, to the point where Humberto wants to bomb the Burger Shot with fertilizer. Lang gave him a talking too, seeing his younger self in Humbero.
In the meantime, they decided to hit up the Vanilla Unicorn as Humberto was supposedly a virgin and Lang wanted to treat him right for the night with a lap dance, but end up getting a full show and drinks since it was closing time and Tony hit it off with the man (Dex) who was in back. He and Lang sat in the premium room and got themselves an up-close and personal viewing. He did not enjoy it one bit, whatsoever.When it turned to puppy play, he bolted straight out of the entire club due to his PTSD from the "Airbud" dog he killed earlier that day hunting. Outside they met a cleric named Gloryon (Burt Beans) of the Stormlord, who was given powers of healing by his god. It turned out it was just some kid roleplaying in a costume after claiming Fail RP, and they mocked him for roleplaying. He was sent by Mick Camland, the man looking for information on Humberto. He revealed that MickCamland hired him on the belief that Humberto kidnapped his father. They then get Mick's number from the kid, so that way they could track him down. He gave the kid a quest to bring him back, and as a reward, he would help get this kid some pussy and Humberto granted him +3 RP. Burt called Mick but he did not know where the Vinewood Bowl was and neither did Burt. Lang and Burt drove to pick up Mick, while Tony and Humberto waited at the location.
Lang held Mick and Gloryon up for Tony and Humberto to show up. It appeared that this man's father is Rick Rivers (Camland), and that the footage uploaded from his camera. In reality, the man was the "banana" from the other day, and he came too close. Mick threatened to upload the video footage to YouTube if he went missing. They decided that the only logical option was to kill him as Mick would always come back to them as he was now too close. They gave the cleric a quest of using a wand (gun) to cast a lightning bolt at his head, but it was revealed he was wearing a wire so they locked both him and Mick in the trunk. The cleric would in return get 100 gold, 50 experience, and 2+ endurance points along with 2 ASI points. Mick tried to reveal to him that it is not actually roleplay, but Gloryon went along with it and loaded the metal wand. Tony said he was a NPC quest giver, and Humberto gaged Mick. The Cleric then did the deed and took out Mick for them.Tony filmed it so that way they had blackmail on him, then they broke RP to reveal to him that this was another quest not to snitch in exchange for 3,000 XP, and they left him behind, with Humberto taking the murder weapon, but he ended up leaving it behind. They drove away and were now clean (except for the wire recording on Mick's phone.) After all that stress, the boys did some yoga and Humberto called it a night.
Don Establishes His Presence in the City
Return to the Rooster
After a long sleep, Humberto calls up Lang, who tells him to meet him at the Rooster's Rest where he has a planned meeting with Kevin Whipaloo. On the way to the restaurant, Roland shows up and Humberto agrees to drive him to the courthouse despite some back talk and Humberto agrees to take multiple stops despite having someplace to be. Humberto claims to Roland he hates politics despite running for office himself, and then when they get to his stop, Roland doesn't pay. Humberto shows up to the Red Rooster and meets with Lang, who reveals to him the history the crew had with Roland. Lang gets Humberto to intimidate Kevin, although when learning about what the restaurant will serve, Lang yet again figures out how to insult his Italian heritage. Lang then admits he does not have the manager's phone number and the fact that he didn't show up, according to Humberto, is a power play. Humberto tries some of Lang's food, and he says it's so good, it might be better than Olive Garden, which is high praise coming from him.
Waiting for Kevin, Humberto met Petunia, Lang's assistant manager, who he is surprised to know was hired considering the restaurant was dormant until then, and then convinces him to also hire the boyfriend. They then went to the kitchen and took a look around in the meantime while waiting for Kevin and Kiki.Lang and Humberto keep going through the menu, giving Humberto taste tests of the full menu, and in the process claims to be from Italy's south side, specifically Rome. While they argue about how this would only agitate Kevin, Petunia continued to set up the restaurant. After waiting too long, the pair decided to take Humberto's taxi to drive up North.
On their way north, Don passes out at the mouth of a tunnel. In a panic, Lang took the wheel and leaves Don in the back of the taxi to rest. The duo drive up the mountain and find Speedy and Sven hunting, although they aren't having much luck in doing so. While the crew is talking, Don meets Speedy's mamacita, Molly, who Don quickly believes to be Speedy's girlfriend. Molly is quick to correct Don, by stating that Sven is the only man for her. After their meeting, Don and Lang drive back down to the Rooster to meet with Kevin Whipaaloo.
Confrontation with Kevin Whipaloo
Upon arriving at the Rooster, Lang and Don find Kevin Whipaloo waiting for the pair with his associate Kiki. The group walk into the Rooster where Kiki and Whippaloo complain about how old and wooden the building looks. They discuss the possibility of spells being casted on the establishment, giving Don flashbacks to the night before, where he pushed a cleric to cast lightning bolt spells on Mick Camland. Meanwhile, Lang has just finished making the Rooster's signature ramen dish, which Whipaloo believes is made with fish, not chicken. Whipaloo tells Lang that fish is an unnatural food and isn't something that a true American eats, while also lobbing anti-Italian insults at Don. With the onslaught of anti-Italian comments coming from Whipaloo, Don calls him out on it by calling him racist against Italians. Whipaloo deflects this comment by saying that he isn't racist against Italians, because he has recently hired an Italian, who just so happens to be Don's friend Tony. Don, Lang, Whipaloo, and Kiki argue over which establishment is more safe, as well as who is going to out-sponsor the other. Don goes for the throat with Whipaloo, when he finally confronts him about the fact that they are using human meat in their burgers. Whipaloo promptly ends the meeting and walks out, with Kiki spitting on Don and Lang on her way out. Don runs after them and threatens to cast an Italian curse on them, scaring Whipaloo away. After Lang quickly repairs Don's taxi, the two drive up north to meet Speedy and Sven for a new money-making scheme.
Ranger Don Goes Hunting
Lang and Don meet Speedy and Sven in the north to enact a scheme where they impersonate park rangers and steal unsuspecting hunters' pelts. As the crew are driving to the forest in Speedy's jeep, they work on their country accents, where Speedy remarks that it is very hard for him to change his accent with his extremely squeaky voice. Don and Lang discuss their concern with the fact that impersonating a federal officer is illegal, but are relaxed when they realize how quickly they can disappear into the forest. The crew end up meeting their friends Tony and Nino at the entrance to the trails. Nino warns the crew that its dangerous, because rangers are patrolling the area. This is quickly proven when the group see a park ranger patrolling the area shortly ahead. After tailing the ranger for a moderate distance, the ranger gets out by the river, where Lang tries to push him into the water. After failing his attempts at shoving the ranger into the river, Speedy makes the quick decision to run over the ranger. The ranger is launched into the river, but survives and tries to limp back to his car. Unfortunately for him, he is too late and the crew steal his vehicle. They end up driving further north and deeper into the forest where they stumble across a dump truck. The group tries to steal pelts from the dump truck, but they are rather unsuccessful. After getting their ranger vehicle stuck in a ditch for a few minutes, they finally find group of two hunters who might have some pelts for them to steal. They try to trick the hunters but the hunters are quick to question their authenticity as rangers. The two hunters claim themselves to be HOA Animal Control and call the police claiming that the crew are impersonating park rangers. The crew try and skedaddle in their ranger vehicle, but the two hunters open fire and critically injure all four of the group. After driving off, a lone police officer pulls up to the four laying on the ground, and asks what happened to them. Lang quickly makes up the lie that they were jumped by people claiming to be park rangers and that's why they are injured. After laying in the dirt for almost an unreasonable amount of time for a gunshot victim, the EMS finally arrive to bring Don and company to the hospital.
Terrorism at the Rooster Rest
Rooster Death Trap
Don breaks his Sunday rest to prepare for the training of the Larpers.
Don encounters Roland Nelson after he called to tell Don he didn't want to buy his taxi, which then led to Don telling Roland to roll to see if he trashes his own taxi. After a few rolls, Roland proceeds to destroy his taxi but bids Don good-day after the dice rolls reject Don's every attempt at more opportunities.
The next day, Don and Nino Chavez decide to go out and make some quick money after recognizing the times starting to feel a little uneventful. In agreement, they head off to the edges of the city to do some small robberies at convenience stores. Unfortunately, it does not yield them much money so they prepare to return. At the end of the night, Nino stops by the Record Database Center to check something and discovers that the once abandoned facility has a locked gate, suggesting some sort of activity. Nino informs Don of this, establishing the suspicious nature of that fact and what it could mean about the times ahead. They return to the Rest in the following morning.
Back at the Rooster's Rest, Don catches up with Lana Valentine for a bit, who's been busy and listening around as Don previously suggested. However, it seemed that there is not a lot of trust between them still for Don's plan of acquiring that kind of information from her. As that conversation trails off and they head back into the crowd, they meet up with Four Tee, who, after greeting her 9th friend Lana, reveals that Nino has become her 19th (protected) friend much to Don's excitement.
Police shortly after show up about a stolen bicycle, prompting Don and Nino to run outside to see what's going on. While talking to the police about instances of crime around the city, Kayn Larp (Yager Demonblood) fetches Don to inform him of Lana snooping around the computers at the Rooster's Rest. She was then confronted by Don at the entrance to have her explain what she was doing. She said she was just listening to the Duck Song, while trying to leave the establishment. Don let her go, but his distrust of her grows.
Don, Nino and the Larpers chase down Douglas Fir who was stalking the Rooster Rest.
Before the tsunami, Don starts hearing strange ticking noises and goes with Nino goes to try to find out where it comes from. While outside, they witness massive explosions across the street from the Rooster's Rest: 11 cars exploding, killing 5. Shortly after, the Rooster's Rest crew see two suited-up men in pink/purple colors try to leave the establishment. After one of them threatens to murder Don if he does not move out of the way, and Don points a gun at them to call their bluff. Trying to get information from the duo, Don starts to black out.
Cleanbois Toughen Up the Nerds
Don was devastated by the destruction of his Warhammer figurines, and had to help the other Cleanbois find a way to deal with Chang Gang.
Don put on his Warhammer cosplay along with Buddha and Nino dressing up they went to the basement and started the ritual to initiate the Larpers. Buddha showed up as the Storm Lord, and Don introduced himself as the Guardian, the Storm Lord's right hand man, all while the nerds are unaware that Lang and Don are the ones under the armor. The Storm Lord officially welcomed the nerds to join Talon and instructed them to follow the leadership of Buddha Lang, Don "Julio" (Lang forgot that Julio is not Don's surname rather an inside joke during the speech), and Nino Chavez.
Don started the training arc for the Larpers. People who were not present were Shadowlord and Meowfurryon, who had called Don earlier to ask permission to take a cat nap and Don granted him it. This also revealed that Don likes Cowboy Bebop and is against anime gatekeeping.
During training, Don ends up punching out Leyla Nightingale, leading them to have to take her to the hospital. He also ended up pissing off the EMTs who used a helicopter to go help Leyla Nightingale.
Molly Betrays The Cleanbois
Molly told Kevin that they were selling oxy at the Rooster's Rest. He is against the groups decision to kill her. Though over several conversation with Tony, Nino, and Buddha, they came to conclusion that there is no other way but to kill her after Molly marries Seven.
Don was in a cop car chase with Tony, Nino, and Buddha, and Nino was caught and given 60 months and fined $10,000 for two charges of contempt of court.
The Casino Royale and The Fallout
All Coked Up
Don, along with Nino, Lang, and Tony, get high on cocaine and get into a standoff with the police in the casino penthouse during a party thrown by Otto. Don is injured in the confrontation, but the rest of the boys were able to swindle their way out using deception.
When Yeager Demonblood was kidnapped, Don, Nino, and Lando went on a bloody rampage to save him or find him. They later kidnapped Mel Rickenbacker, the man they thought responsible. After Don stated that Mel was not giving them the answers of where Yeager was and if he was the one who kidnapped and shot him, Nino shot him twice in the head. Eventually, they found Yeager after 2 hours of searching, and Don gave Yeager a hug. They then hatched a plan to kill the one who gave the order to go after Yeager, Kevin Whipaloo.
The Bank Robbing Losing Streak Continues
Attempted Bank Robbery
After Don received an email about the laptops being available in 15 minutes, Tony, Nino, Lang, and Don decided that if they got this laptop, they’d rob a bank. They rushed to the spot and were the first ones there. Someone came by to get the laptop but they civilly handled it by telling him to leave. And as a result, they got the laptop as soon as it was released and drove away immediately after.
After getting everything ready to rob the bank, intending to escape via a boat they left in the river nearby, they arrive at the bank and immediately grab a hostage. Jumping right into it, Nino used the laptop to try and open the safe while Don and the others looked out and made sure that Nino had his space in order to do so.
Nino was unsuccessful in opening the safe, and they had to escape. They jumped off the train tracks into the river, but had found out that the boat had sunk, forcing them to swim away from the cops. Don ended up getting handcuffed underwater, while Nino and Tony escaped, and Lang had to be taken to the hospital.
Don was arrested and served 39 months for accessory in a robbery and kidnapping. He was talking to a lawyer Buford J. Preston and they were ready to take the charges to court. However, Buford was escorted out and Don’s only option was to accept the charges and serve it. It was later revealed that his lawyer, Buford, brought up systemic racism when talking about Don’s case to the officer and that resulted in him being kicked out.
[Needs fill in on events in between]
Don and Company Screw Up the Timeline
Back to the Future
Upon waking up, Don calls Lang, who informs him they screwed up the timeline and have to fix it. Lang picks up Don at the apartments and proceeds to head towards the Rooster to meet with the nerds to return the items received in their time quest. On the way there Lang travels in time again but returns and the two meet up with the nerds.
The Rooster crew travels back in time, returns the items, and meet with the present Timelord at the docks. The Timelord attempts to go back to the future but stalls out and tells the crew they forgot to return an item. The Timelord returns the crew to their correct time with instructions not to tell anyone else of their trip, not to interact with him and his brother, and informs them that they may notice some strange changes to their time.
The Haunting of Humberto Pecorino
Back at the Rooster Don starts to hear and see strange things. He informs Lang who suggests the Rooster must be haunted now. The two head to the police station to retrieve Bjorn's axe, where Don continues to hear the noises. After a few tsunami's the crew returns to the rooster where Don alone is now being haunted. The crew vows to help and they go on the search but Don gets separated from the rest in the basement and is stabbed by the ghost, leaving a permanent scar.
Lang Buddha: Emotional Terrorist
A Telenovela in the Making
On March 27, 2021, Buddha poisoned Annie May's ramen, which he admitted to when confronted by Don. Don has had to repeatedly state he did not want Buddha to kill his wife, but it's questionable whether Buddha would listen to Don or not.
However, on March 29, 2021, Annie May has changed her look because she is now "Annie Moe" or "Annie Mo," because she is now a bit emo, sad about not being appreciated for the nice things she does. Don tried to talk to her about this, but Buddha soon pulled him away for some jobs.
Later, Lana, who had gone on a date with Don, called him to meet up. At first, Don had thought that she had called him to the rooftop to kill him, but it ended up being a love confession/break-up sort of conversation, which Buddha "recorded" and tweeted out pictures of, telling everyone that it was a date.
As this happens, Don gets a call from one of the nerds that his wife has been shot and is in the hospital. Don leaves Lana and rushes to the hospital, all the while Buddha is admonishing Don for not picking Lana who "is a better woman than Annie May". Don arrives at the hospital with Buddha, and everyone's there, with Annie being in surgery. Buddha recites the poem/confession letter Lana wrote Don to the nerds at the door of the operating room, all in earshot of Annie May, and also tells everyone how Don was on a hot date while his wife was getting shot.
Eventually Annie May gets out, and Don tries to take her home. Buddha writes a sticky note under the guise of Lana on Don's car, supposedly expressing her love and how she doesn't know what to do. Lana also gets hit by a bus outside the hospital while everyone is giving Don a hard time about having to choose Lana or Annie May.
Annie May storms off, and Don chases after her. She confronts him about whether or not he knew that Buddha was trying to poison her, and he admits that he did know, but that he didn't want that. Buddha says, "this is great Donny, this is the part where you choose your wife over your best friend, and then 6 months from now, when you regret it, it will be too late and I'll be with Lana."
Don responds with "Motherfucker, is that what this is about? You wanna get with Lana? I thought you were trying to fuck me."
Buddha admits that's what it was, that he loves Don. Don tells Buddha to hold him in his arms, and enthusiastically tries to embrace him. Before he can, Buddha says Don broke his heart and drives off in Don's new car. He tries to chase Buddha, but he peeled out and is gone. Don runs back to Annie May and reassures her that he'll do better from now on, that he'll look out for her, and that he's sorry about what happened to her. Buddha returns, shouting "CODE BLUE, WE GOTTA GO," implying that they got a laptop to pull off a big bank heist job, and Don runs to the car. However, it was all a lie to prove that Don does not love his wife, as shown by his willingness to abandon her for a laptop. Buddha lambasts him for choosing this decision.
The Start of the Rooster's Reef
The usual weed dealer at Mirror Park as decided to end business in Los Santos; as a result, criminals have to find a new way to get their weed. Buddha, after smoking numerous joints over the last few days, and increasing his weed addiction, has gathered enough seeds to start cultivating weed, so he ventures all over the city to find a place that is sutiable to commence his weed empire. Buddha seeks Don's help in finding a place to start business.
After searching for a decent location, Don and Buddha venture towards a location on top of a mountain, the Altruist Camp. Sitting in a vacant plot of land away from society, the reclusiveness of the location is an ideal location that cops will not scour to look for weed. Don and Buddha explore the location and find the amenities the location has to offer, Buddha plants his first seed of weed as the process of growing weed commences. Don ventures outside the camp by jumping over the wooden fence to hunt, but has a difficult time returning to the camp as he is incapable of jumping on the rocks.
Filled with KKonas, Don finds a new affinity with the inhabitants of the weird location they have founded for their weed empire, for it reminds him of Liberty City and his upbringing. While exploring, parkouring on top of the roofs of the camp, Don accidentally pushes one of the cult members as he lands to the floor, and consequently, causes every member in the camp to start shooting at him, temporairly halting the process of weed cultivation due to fear of the cops arriving. Don decides to flee by jumping off the ledge of the mountain.
Cleanbois and Chang Gang versus the African Warlords
Weeks prior, Dean notified Tony about a job for the pet shop owner Babalou involving transporting a baby panther. The day before, Dean notified both Cleanbois and Chang Gang about their roles in transferring the panther from Los Santos airport to Babalou's pet shop. Cleanbois were the ones who steal the the panther away and getting it to Babalou, and Chang Gang meets them at the Grapeseed airport to provide protection with the transfer. Buddha and Mr. Kebun were also given radios so that the group leaders can communicate with each other.
Cleanbois successfully takes the baby panther from the African cargo ship that landed at Los Santos International, and seemingly fly away without a problem, until they start getting shot at from an apache helicopter. They attempted their best to meet up with Mr. Kebun, Taco, Ramee and Mickey, who at this point were fighting soldiers on the ground. The soldiers were giving everybody problems at this point, pinning down Chang Gang, and nearly shooting Cleanbois out of the sky. They make their way to Grapeseed, prompting an emergency landing, leading to their plane getting blown up by the Apache.
Cleanbois were able to destroy the Apache using their class 2 weapons on the ground, but the African soldiers were relentless. Donnie and Tony were both downed by the warlords after Lang and Tony tried to drive away, accidentally driving Donny into the line of fire. Buddha was able to stay alive by using a 500 IQ play of playing dead. By some miracle of God, Donnie and Tony were revived like nothing happened. They made their way to the mountains for their safety while Buddha recons with Ramee in Grandma's House, as the rest of Chang Gang was downed by the soldiers. They communicated the rest of the info to Nino and were ready to help out when the opportunity arose.
Lang and Ramee had to refrain from reviving Kebun and Taco as the African warlords made their way in to Grandma. Mickey was nowhere to be found at this point. The two of them hid in the basement and played the waiting game. This was not helped by the police now responding to the shots, ready to respond to the gruesome events occurring up north. At this point, Lang was ready to lose the Rooster's Rest, and Ramee was ready to lose the Gallery. Things calmed down for Lang and Chang Gang, as the warlords occupied themselves with the police, shooting them down and leaving them to bleed out. Donnie, Nino and Tony used this opportunity to recon with Buddha and Chang Gang.
The boys hold down Grandmas as their fight was now with the police instead of the Warlords at this point, trying to escape back down to the city. They were left to fighting an armored police car, and save Mickey, who was identified by Randy Wrangler, ready to take him in for terrorist charges. Donnie was able to provide cover fire for the big guns as he is not as proficient with a gun as the other boys. Tony and Buddha gun down Wrangler, steal some of his stuff because they hate his guts, and save Mickey and were ready to escape. However, they had to deal with an armored police car because the militarization of the police is a thing that plagues both America, and the American territory of Los Santos as well.
Cleanbois and Chang Gang unload all of their bullets into the armored police vehicle, making the police run away for safety, giving the boys the perfect escape opportunity. They all load into their cars without the police even realizing they left. They all make their way to a clothing store, get changed, and part ways, with Chang Gang making their way to the hospital, and Cleanbois going off to deliver the panther cub to Babalou.
Nino calls it a night, and Lang, Tony and Donnie go off to mess around and do some lighter things as they just fought off a country and the most aggressive police force in history. They go skydiving, which leads to Donnie eating some stairs and needing to be taken to the hospital, and accidentally blowing up 3 of the highest ranking troopers on the police force, and the mayor.
Cleanbois Takes the Vault
A couple of days prior, Tony and Buddha hit the Paleto bank with Don's lovable and reckless protege, Raymond Romanov, and rising hotshot criminal Yuno Sykk. They received an item that they have never seen before, a red dongle. This dongle was used to gain access to a new laptop that at the time had not been used by anyone in the city. Weirdly, they did not even see a single police come to stop the heist from happening. They were able to get away (after being framed for another robbery), and were able to safely store the dongles from Yuno and Raymond. Tony and Buddha thanked them for the help, and promised them to bring them along in the future for a Vault heist.
Establish Trust With the Demons
Tony, Buddha, Donnie and Nino were prepared to hit the vault, but were missing something because they realized they could not just lockpick the door at the Vault. This is when they were contacted by the Demons (who are Vinny Pistone, former Leanboi Curtis Swoleroid, and Flippy). Buddha and Donnie had been contacted by the Demons before, but were not able to complete a mission from them before due to the 5G waves of the city interrupting everyone's ability to stay awake. Regardless, the Demons have access to thermite, an explosive that you would need to break through the doors of the Vault to actually get down to it. The Demons told the Cleanbois that they had to hit Paleto and get away successfully one more time, as they did not know whether they stole the dongle off of Chang Gang, or they actually did a successful heist.
The Chicken Factory Plan
The gang came up with a super easy, yet genius plan. Tony sits back at the chicken factory acting as a local worker while Donnie and the boys go rob the bank. On the way out, the gang takes a detour through the chicken factory and gives the dongle to Tony, while the rest of the gang attempts to get away from the cops. Donnie takes a bad jump, which results in his bike crush him. He is then caught by Sam Baas, who has bad blood with Don because of a prior event. Baas goes hard on Don for jail time, which he usually doesn't as he is one of the more lenient cops on the force. Don gets put away for 60 months, where he has a run in with an alien, helping the guards communicate with it. Regardless of Don's outcome, the boys were able to secure a lot of thermite while Don was in jail, as they had successfully completed the mission.
The plan was supposed to be simple, the boys use a fast four door to escape the Vault, break sight with the helicopter, juke the Troopers using tight turns and jumps, and then get in their own helicopter and get away. If anything went wrong, the boys had oxygen tanks that they could use to get away in water. Nino is able to use every thermite successfully, and Buddha is able to do the hack in one shot. Meanwhile, Don and Tony are having a tough time keeping the police back with hostage negotiations, as they only had 2 which did not buy them much time. They were only able to have enough time due to the intervention of AJ Hunter, who told a couple of his subordinates to stand down. After the vault was opened, and Nino and Buddha were able to retrieve everything, Don and Tony asked for free passage, no spike strips, and no helicopter. The police granted them free passage, but the helicopter was right on their tail, and the police attempted to spike their cars tires; the cops were not holding back at all. Tony drives like a total madman, driving up the side of mountains, juking the troopers with tight turns, and taking well calculated jumps. The only police officer who was able to keep up was Trooper Hunter. The plan started to fall apart as the helicopter disappeared, leading to the Nino and Buddha hopping out and attempting to swim away, not knowing that the Gods made it so that you become super encumbered when swimming with an oxygen tank now (which was also news to the police, as they couldn't even catch up). This diversion allowed Tony and Don get away safely, while Buddha and Nino sat around making sure that the cops didn't find them. Nino was able to get away, and promptly went to sleep, while Buddha was then saved by the Tony and Don in a helicopter.
Donnie has been missing for a few months. His associates had maintained his car loan in his stead for a few weeks in the hopes that he will return. It is rumored that he is on a diving expedition, somewhere off in Romania, or exploring New Donk City, but this is unconfirmed. Sadge.
Status of Drivers License: In Good Standing (Valid); Status of Weapons License: None
Misdemeanor Charge for Resisting Arrest - February 5th, 2021
25 months in prison for Unlawful Imprisonment, Reckless evading, Robbery and Brandishing of a Gun - February 17th, 2021
46 months in prison for Resisting Arrest, Accomplice to Robbery, Accomplice to Kidnaping, Evading Arrest - March 24th, 2021
Burger Shot - After several repeated instances of poor customer experience and 'fredophobia' (discrimination of Italians), Humberto began a feud with the restaurant chain. This animosity aligned with his owner status at the restaurant's main competition, the Rooster's Rest. Don quickly took to talking bad about the business to anyone who'd listen and began a harassment campaign on Twitter under the hashtag #burgergate, as well as working with or otherwise hiring dozens of people (including disgruntled employees and spies hired by Burger Shot) to leave their job or uncover dirt on the fast food chain. Most notably, Don and his associates have made the implication that the burgers served at the restaurant are made substantively of human meat, a claim that Kevin Whipaloo, when confronted by Don, would neither confirm nor deny, only stating that roughly 70% wasn't hamburger.
Mick Camland - Offered money in the Yellow Pages for information leading back to a man with slick back hair and a red jumpsuit (obviously Humberto), which Tony took advantage of and made an enemy out of as well. The reason he that he believes Humberto kidnapped his father, according to a cleric they met, is due to the video of the Cleanboi's car show he recieved before his disappearance. Camland set up a confrontation with Humberto, where he threatened to release the tape, Camland was promptly kidnapped and taken to the riverbed, where he was killed in the early hours of February 9th, 2021 by Gloryon, who, was coaxed by Pecorino into believing the murder to be a roleplaying challenge.
Sasuke Johnson - After Don insulted him and laughed at his family dying because he was useless, he and Sasuke have had an aggressive relationship, taunting each other and preparing to fight the other.
Rick Camland, Weazel News Reporter - Killed as a result of being fed alive to the sharks following his coverage of the Cleanbois' (stolen) car show and the interrogation going south. (02-06-21)
Random man while the crew was in search of fruit trees or farms to do business around, beaten to death. (02-06-21)
A random park ranger while the crew was hunting, beaten to death. (02-06-21)
A random Golden Retriever playing outside their dog house, shot. (02-08-21)
Mick Camland - Killed at their request by the hand of the cleric Gloryon, shot. (02-09-21)
Window Can - Killed when Don drove his car into a truck with the Dans in the trunk. (04-18-21)
"OUH WHAT THE FUCK?!"
"Bada bing, bada boom."
"You just gaba'd your last gool!"
"My mother is a virgin!"
"MY MOTHA'S A SAINT!"
"How you doin' fuck you!"
"These gaba-fuckin' fools..."
"I'm Hank when I'm a criminal."
"It was like the element took ovah."
"We're fuckin' broke bois!"
"That's a-spicy meat-ah-ball!"
"By the time we hit the casino we're gonna have a whole bowl of fruit!"
"We made the kid pop that cherry before he popped his cherry!"
"That's some fuckin' spoiled gabagool."
"First we peeled that banana and now we're doin' yoga!"
"You talkin' to me?"
"Suge Knight? The guy that got locked up?"
"Mr. Steal Your Fucking Shoes ova 'ere!"
"The best G's are silent, like lasagna."
"I hate politics, it's too divisive."
"No, I know."
"I hate crime, officers."
"It's a new Don, it's a new day!"
"A four door that drives like a two door."
Hank Pecker (disguise for criminal activities)
Hank Pecker is a "classic Conservative with liberal tendencies". He requires organic food for his dietary restrictions. This identity first manifested during his arrest on February 5, 2021, following the kidnapping and robbery of Bryce Miller at the Raven's Slaughterhouse, but would be dropped for the trial where Humberto had to represent himself. However, this alter-ego has since been used in several criminal operations that Humberto has taken part in, along with the associated accent. Most notably, when he dressed as a park ranger on February 9th, 2021. When he was a part of a failed scheme to steal pelts from unsuspecting hunters. He sported a brown shirt and pants, Kevlar vest, hat, sunglasses, fake beard, and dyed hair.
On February 13th, 2021 while taking part in a raid on Humane Labs and Research with Douglas Buck and Johnny Silverhand (among others), Doug disappeared from the raiding party and was found "implanted with a bio-chip", which the group used with the intent of uncovering Arasaka coordinates, or information regarding Burger Shot's illegal doings. However, while under the influence, Buck cryptically warned "They're coming for you, Donny" before repeating information regarding "Hank Pecker, born December 19th, 1991, to parents Josephine and Elias." This suggests the possibility that 'Hank' may either be a real person separate of Humberto, or that 'Pecorino' is in fact the true constructed alter ego of Pecker's. However, Doug later claimed to have no memory of the incident, while Humberto himself later stated that he believes that his crewmates to have been simply 'roleplaying nerds'.
Don the Stormlord (Class: Barbarian)
[Redacted to preserve Humberto's dignity.]
Paul Anderson (disguise for bank robbery)
Part of the Los Santos Water & Power Department company, Paul Anderson and a small crew had work-orders to do patch-up work around the city. Don assumed this identity on February 16, 2021 as part of Don's first attempt at robbing a bank (the Fleeca Bank in this case) with some members of Cleanbois. Under this guise, Don was assisted by his colleagues, John Johnson (Nino Chavez) and Lucas Williams (Lang Buddha), to "fix up several electrical issues at the bank" regarding security camera's. While pretending to do this, they were trying to work the vault's digital system in order to open it. As Paul, Don had a fake beard, wig and ski goggles. Additionally, he wore a white hard hat, orange shirt with a reflective safety vest over it, light-colored cargo pants and safety boots.
The order of his middle names is unclear as he has referred to himself as both "Humberto Antonio Donato Pecorino" and "Humberto Donato Antonio Pecorino".
Humberto frequently makes mention and is extremely defensive of his mother, Donna Pecorino. He also frequently claims that she is a virgin, but this is to cope with the fact that his mother Donna attempts to sleep with his friends.
Humberto enjoys fruit baskets, with a particular preference for bananas.
Humberto has claimed on several occasions to be a Catholic.
Don attended and graduated community college.
He is frequently assumed to be older than he is, Don claims that his constant smoking in his youth has made him look at least 35, despite only being 29.
Reportedly suffers from heart disease, as well as narcolepsy, due to his long history of cocaine use and abuse .
He has also claimed to have ADHD, PTSD "flashes", generalized anxiety, and to have been diagnosed with a severe case of microcephaly.
He values dog life over human life (says dogs are innocent creatures) and is frequently triggered by mentions of them due to a traumatic experience.
However, while discussing the matter with Eugene, he claimed he would murder a dog for $6,000.
Humberto frequently suffers from 'trauma boners' and is known to have severe panic attacks when girls engage in 'puppy play'.
Enjoys using laptops for pornography instead of phones.
Don is sexually attracted to "feminine-presenting, egg-laying individuals", and notes that it has been a long time since he has made love to another person.
Don has shown some level of attraction to the same sex, particularly those who look similar to himself, and has agreed with male exotic dancing as being 'Italian art'.
He later revealed he was bisexual aromantic, when talking to Sasuke about he would "fuck his brother - or let his brother fuck him" (3/28/2021)
Humberto has a contemptuous relationship with the police, born from both previous experiences and his beliefs.
He despises Mario, the popularized video-game character from Nintendo, due to the portrayal being an Italian stereotype.
Humberto believes, and has argued on multiple occasions, that Olive Garden is authentic Italian cuisine.
Reportedly, his golden chain is fake.
He is a fan of the Joe Rogan podcast because he heard about it from his friend, Joey Diaz, and they liked to do coke together.
Humberto claims to hate both politics and the news despite being relatively knowledgeable in both, sometimes to his own surprise. Buddha has also called him out for "watching the news all morning".
Don is very sensitive about class issues, body shaming, racial discrimination (particularly towards Italians) and being respectful towards women.
He hates Role-players and thinks they're nerds. (But he would kill for his nerds, who he sees as family).
While he openly denies ever playing it, Humberto has suspiciously specific knowledge of the Tabletop Wargame "Warhammer", having a secret 40K Ultramarine phone background and a room in his home devoted to his "figurine" (real fans call them miniatures) collection.
He struggles with lockpicks.
He knowingly gave his phone number to an assumed serial killer.
Humberto is able to perfectly replicate a robot voice.
Doesn't like seafood.
He is an admitted gamer.
He likes anime (revealed in a conversation with Meowfurryon 2/22/21.) Has seen Cowboy Bebop, JoJo, and Naruto.
His mother sends him Apple Cake's he normally has that or ice cream sandwiches for an after dinner snack.
Donny once took his parents to an ABBA concert at the Vinewood Bowl.
Don placed 9th in a street race.
Don bought this at 1st week of 3.0 and it cannot be sold to anyone.