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Robert Spowylamywanowski

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Robert Spowylamywanowski is a character role-played by roflgator.

Background and Personality[]

Robert Spowyłamywanowski (pronounced /ˈrɔ.bɛrʔ ˌsplɨ.vaˌnɨ.vaˈnɔv.ski/) is a very eccentric and alcoholic immigrant from Poland.

History[]

In his new apartment after coming to America from Poland (while leaving his wife who still lives there), he called his friend Pilbis to check on him. His friend was set to inherit a lot of money someday but at the time currently he was stuck in his home after an outbreak of COVID-19. Planning to wing-man Pilbis on how to pick up American women, they decided to meet up the next day. Their chatter got interrupted when Robert heard voices from inside his apartment and thought that he was hearing ghosts. One of the voices that sounded like a little girl told him that they wanted to play a game with him and he started freaking out think that he was losing his mind or being pranked. He eventually figured out that he was probably just hearing his neighbor listening to their television after getting a short complaint from him. Hearing someone knocking on the door his neighbor stopped responding.[1]

Looking for a job, he got employed by Kevin Whipaloo's burger joint serving customers while dispensing his Polish wisdom, which usually consists of a mix of Polish folk tales, trivia, and insults.

Robert opened a truth circle with his fellow co-workers, (Cece, Tee, Kitty, Jeff, Oki and Ken), to explain his involvement with aliens. However, someone broke the truth circle and told someone else who then snitched to Cassie, leading to further questioning of the other colleagues involved in the circle. An internal meeting was held by Cassie, with Shelly, Sheldon, Ken and Rob in a crypt where they discussed:

  • Lack of communication between day and night time managers
  • Lack of business during night time
  • Rob's involvement with aliens
  • Day time management was too "soft," rehiring of ex-employees such as Lenny and Linda
  • Human meat allegations
  • Rob's lack of work ethic, alongside his lack of presence within the store

Discussion became heated when Cassie refused to reveal the employee(s) who snitched and Sheldon saying "Rob doesn't do shit." Feeling irritated and betrayed, Spowylamywanowski decided to resign. He then left and headed back to Burger Shot, where he found out that he had already lost his manager permissions and was denied access to the workplace. Rob met and vented with Freddy Price and Linda Maridan (who didn't believe any of what he did) and later took his bike and rode to Rooster's Rest. On the way there, Ken called him and told that he didn't believe it as well, but perhaps it was just a communication issue. But Rob feeling betrayed as everyone supposedly snitched, stated he would maybe come back to Burger Shot if he had an individual meeting with Cassie.

Losing his position, Robert turned to the homeless life alongside Kyle Brovloski. He begged for money and relied on people for nourishment. Desiring to acquire revenge, he developed a plan: kidnap and torture his former workmates; frame Burger Shot by placing human body parts inside.

Apace with Vagos leader Speedy and others, they abduct and torment Cece, Bike Guy, and Oki. They've also managed to shoot Sheldon Jones and Jeffrey Price. Robert then met with Kyle Pred, an LSPD officer, and discussed about Burger Shot using human remains as one of their ingredients. Pred, who has a burning hatred of the establishment, agreed to look into it in a few days. On the time of the investigation, Bike Guy deposited human chunks (harvested by Brovloski) in the shop and left quickly. Then, Kyle and several other officers arrived at the shop and discovered the remains inside the shop's warmers but after, decided to keep the place running.

He pitched his plan to create a criminal bar called The Alibi to Dean. The Alibi would be intended as a social hub for criminals; host private meetings, purchase lockpicks and take jobs for cash. Rob also expressed interest in returning to Burger Shot as the only General Manager.

After some deliberation, Rob was reinstated as General Manager, with Shelly being the Assistant Manager.

Subsequent to being blamed for being a "super terrorist", Pilbis turned on Robert for not protecting him. He then abducted Robert, shot him and left him for dead consumed by fire in a vehicle. Members of the The Guild later revived Spowylamywanowski as well as clothing him and inserting in a new mask made of fingle sauce, shelly's hair and metal.


The Four Tee incident and the formation of The Nut Boys[]

After finding out that Pilbis, his best friend, and Four Tee were very close, Robert wondered what kind of secrets 4T might've known about Pilbis, and was mostly curious if Pilbis had been talking bad behind his back.

After learning about 4T's friends list, Robert hired a hypnotist to make Robert higher on the list than Pilbus.

This backfires, as Abdul claimed, "You don't fuck with Four Tee."

At Burger Shot, Abdul gave him a quick run down on 4T telling Robert that he made a deal with the devil and one day the devil will come to collect.

Scared, he turned to his mentor Leslie, who at first says 4T is Rob's problem, but eventually decided to help him.

They decide on a fishing trip, during which Robert played polish Uno and drew a reverse card, ending up with a boat in land and a car at sea.

Soon, they found 4T hiding in the trunk, and once she came out she told Pilbis that Robert kidnapped her, leading to bad blood between them.

During the fishing trip, they made an oath to protect each other, always be honest, and always be there for each other. As well as stop Mark White. And thus, The Nut Boys were born.

Paranormal Investigation with the Nut Busters[]

Formed the Nut Busters on the 13th of March, to deal with paranormal activity within Los Santos.

Members[]

History (TBA)[]

  • Big Foot/Sasquatch
    • Taken to the mountains to be set free, but then accidentally ran over by Rob's car. Was later brought back to Burger Shot for a meal.
  • Ghosts
  • Clown
    • Was rammed by Rob's car, then hit with a crowbar.


Relationships[]

Friends[]

  • Bogg Dann: Would often work with Robert on Geek Squad computer repair calls to homes in Los Santos. Sold Robert his first custom bike, with Polish themed colors.
  • Leslie Lingberg: The owner of Premium Deluxe Motorsports, often helps Robert with legal and financial advice. Under one of his aliases was a member of the Nut Busters, and helped Robert with the Big Foot / Sasquatch case.
  • Kyle Brovloski: A homeless man, that helped Robert during his homeless arc. Kyle originally met Robert when he was bought as a gift from Robert to Pilbis.
  • Mother Midnight: A Baba Yaga and supernatural being that can talk to a demon in a wall, was an adversary to Robert and the Nut Busters, but now occasionally works for Robert.
  • Yeager Demonblood: A member of the Nerds from Rooster's Rest. Yaeger has served as a connection for Robert to Rooster's Rest, and helps negotiate deals between Burger Shot and Rooster's Rest.
  • Speedy: Leader of the street gang Vagos, has various business dealings with Robert, and helps provide protection for Robert and Burger Shot.
  • Ket†: Robert's former personal assistant.
  • Kyo Kerusake: Robert's new assistant and sidekick.

Burger Shot[]

  • Shelly Smith: Assistant Manager to Robert, and deals with morning shift in Burger Shot.
  • Bradley Evans: As Bradley Kickass was a personal bodyguard to Robert.
  • Jean Paul: Hired by Robert to bring in a new Juicer machine once the Soda machine broke. Was the inventor of the Burger Shot loot box.
  • Ken-sama: Is one of Robert's most trusted employees, and was one of his first hires.
  • Kitty: One of Robert's first hires. Robert is very protective of Kitty, and has adopted her as his daughter.
  • Fingle Dan: Was hired by Robert to provide Fingle Sauce (which has the consistency of ranch) for the very popular Fingle Dan Burger.

Foes[]

  • Pilbis Shonley: Former member of the NutBusters and BurgerShot. Often went on adventures together with Robert to solve paranormal activity cases in Los Santos. After being accused of being a super terrorist, he turned on Robert for not defending him. Kidnapped Robert, shot him, and left him for dead burned in a car.
  • Mark White: Would survey and monitor Burger Shot, eventually blackmailing Robert with video evidence of various suspected criminal activity.
  • Four Tee: Considers Robert to be an enemy, as Robert tries to make Burger Shot employees end their friendship with her.


Criminal Record[]

  • Accomplice to first degree robbery x7
  • Unlawful imprisonment x15


Quotes[]

  • "I'm not racist I swear! Is language barrier - yes! - language barrier!"
  • "Actually, I think this country much s- *explosion* safer than Poland!"
  • "WHO ASKED?! - Wait sorry - language barrier."
  • "Get out - the fuck out!"
  • "Skurwysyn..." (Cursing in Polish)
  • "Kurwa mać!" (Cursing in Polish)
  • "Hey whats going?!"
  • "I want become big celebrity star like Jean-Claude Van Damme!"
  • "Son of the bitch"
  • "Shut up the fuck up!"
  • "You mada fack!"
  • "Madafackin!"
  • "OK."
  • "God Bless You"
  • "Purrfect!"

Trivia[]

  • The character is very similar to the one Roflgator portrayed rping in the OTV Rust server back in January 2021.
  • Roflgator IRL is Polish-American and speaks fluent Polish.
  • His name is pronounced with a lot of rolls on the initial R - and he makes sure to let everyone know.
  • He tends to make a lot of "gottem" jokes - where he baits someone to say something that can be pronounced similarly to something much more obscene.
  • Robert's secondary name is actually referenced to an old Polish tongue twister, "Stół z powyłamywanymi nogami" meaning "A table with broken legs"

Related[]

Other characters portrayed by Roflgator in the past.

Links[]

Clips[]

Videos[]

Gallery[]

References[]

  1. ↑ Roflgator VOD Feb 5th 2021



Played By: roflgator
Characters: Robert Spowylamywanowski • Al Lien • Karpal Alfonzo • Dwayne Tower • Richard Longwood • Jihn Jitsu • T-700 Smith† • Randy Keeper†
Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.
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