Douglas Fir is a character role-played by EliotJuun.
General Description[]
Douglas Fir was a Cadet for the Los Santos Police Department, Badge #509.
Douglas is a transplant to Los Santos from the small town of Skykomish, Washington who moved to the city with a desire to become a State Park Ranger. He spent the first several months of his time in San Andreas learning the lay of the land and hunting in Blaine County while not actively pursuing a police job, considering himself a Volunteer Park Ranger - a role that Trooper Andrews insisted does not exist.
In the early summer of 2021, he turned his focus back to the formal PD onboarding process, and he had his Police Department interview on 6/17 and his Police Department physical exam on 6/29 before being hired into the LSPD as a Cadet on 7/11. He has stated that he chose LSPD for his first department so as to be 'thrown into the meat grinder' before moving on to pursuing becoming a Ranger.
Biography[]
Douglas spent his childhood living in the woods. After he watched a youtube video showing a day in the life of a Park Ranger, he felt it was his destiny to become one. He then moved to Los Santos to pursue his dream.
Since arriving in Los Santos, he has been betrayed on multiple occasions by his naivete and trusting nature. Having grown up in a small town where everyone knew everyone, he initially tended to approach the big city with a sense of overconfidence and security - he never seemed to consider that he may be getting duped or that situations were more complicated than his understanding of them.
| Work as a Blogger |
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  Humans of Los Santos logo. Douglas created this logo himself on a pirated copy of Photoshop CS5. Humans of Los Santos[]On 2/14, Douglas Fir published the first post on Humans of Los Santos - a human-interest interview blog and independent journalistic outlet. Douglas has stated that he is doing human interest pieces "for now" but has a long-term vision of getting into more longform and potentially investigative journalism. Full list of Humans of Los Santos interviews:
  Screencapture of the Humans of Los Santos 'about' page #GarbageGate[]On 2/21, a man calling himself Turkey Vulture was found crawling around the roof of both Burger Shot and the Rooster's Rest. He was able to get away without being identified on several occasions, leading to stress and uncertainty among the Rooster's Rest crew and resulting in the establishing of patrol routes and a greater focus on opsec. The man was discovered when he was found injured by EMS near the Rest. Nino and Don successfully distracted the EMS and pressed him while he was locked in the ambulance - which is when he revealed his name was Douglas Fir. Nino made an attempt to have Douglas 5150'd by telling Troopers Andrews and Soze that he was attempting to hurt himself, but Douglas walked out of Pillbox after being carried away by the EMS. On 2/22, Douglas posted an update to the Humans of Los Santos website on a new page called #GarbageGate showing what he had been snooping around local businesses for - evidence of mishandled trash. The GarbageGate HOLS page was filled with photos of garbage captioned with commentary by Douglas. Even after the post was made, Douglas continued searching for evidence to photograph and add to the expose, each time twatting out a photo and a link to the GarbageGate page. That evening, Summer Mersion discovered him searching the Vanilla Unicorn when he burst into the manager's office. This set off a footchase into downtown, before Douglas took a wrong turn and ran straight into Summer, who pulled a gun on him. She forced him to run back towards the VU until they met her associates in a white station wagon. The group drove down to the Vespucci canals while Douglas explained why he had broken in - they were skeptical but found no bands when they searched him, so they ordered him to dive into the canal and swim away, sparing him because his story checked out and he seemed more weird than harmful. Bahama Mama's and Vanilla Unicorn were added to the list, alongside the set of businesses from the initial post - Ammunation, Burger Shot, Mirror Park Tavern, PDM, the Mission Row Police Department, Rooster's Rest, and Up-n-Atom. A list of two recommendations was added to the bottom of the GarbageGate page as a challenge to City Hall -
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Momentous Dates within the PD[]
| Rank | Insignia | Note | Date |
|---|---|---|---|
| Cadet |  |
Hired; Badge #509 | July 11th, 2021 |
| Cadet | |
Fired | August 1st, 2021 |
| Certification | Legend | Rank | Note | Date |
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Quotes[]
- "I'm Douglas. Never Doug. Douglas."
- "I don't know that being a park ranger's the most lucrative profession, but you know, I'm just in it for the smell of the pinecones, the, uh - you know, huggin' bears. Being part of nature."
- "I'm credibly insane. Wait, I'm sorry - incredibly sane."
- "You ever stare a bear in the eyes?"
- "Who do you think has the best butthole in Vinewood? Just, if you had to guess."
- "I've created something called Douglas Points. Every time I learn something from you, you get one Douglas Point. If you earn 50, I'll give you a hug. But if you get 500, you can trade those in for a handjob. So, uh, save up for that."
Fun Facts[]
- A Douglas Fir is a variety of pine tree commonly found in the Pacific Northwest, where Douglas is from.
- The last four digits of Douglas' Social Security number are 1111, he grew up on Kowalski street in Skykomish, and his mother's maiden name is Radish - all information Douglas provided to Dukakis and Williams the day he was hired.
- A former Falcon Scout, Douglas used to have a pet Peregrine Falcon named Tamarack.
Gallery[]
.png "Screenshot (237).png (494 KB)")
| Played By: EliotJuun |
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| Characters: Corky Mooks • Charles E Cheddar • Douglas Fir • Ten Tusk • Torquenut Ampersand |