Christopher Talken was a character role-played by Burn.
- "Come with me, i will give you a lovely Cowbell..."
- ― Christopher Talken
Christopher Talken was a vicious serial killer cannibal and a kidnapper who ran a cult alongside his "brother", Christopher Stalken, called The World of Walkens. Christopher would abduct people off the streets of Los Santos to interrogate them regarding their opinions on chicken pot pie and cowbells. If the victim had responded unfavorably to both, they would take to them to their family ranch and attempt to murder him or just remove a slice of the victim's back fat to use as an ingredient in the chicken pot pie. Christopher also stock his victims bodys in his ranch to slaughter later and put a cowbell in them neck to replace Betsey, his dead cow.
When Christopher came back to town he quickly prepared himself to start the murders and the genocide against the people who dont like chicken pot pie, he bought a knife and headed towards his mother's house ("Grandma"), on the way he met Abdul AlRahim on the road waiting for a taxi, he hid and started playing his cowbell to calls him, Christopher invited Abdul to go to his ranch get his cowbell too. Unfortunately when they went to get in the taxi, another one appeared and called Abdul then Christopher and Ricky Rouse went to Christopher Mom's House for Ricky get his "cowbell". Christopher stabbed him twice in the basement but he ran away while bleeding.
After the assassination attempt Christopher started making calls to find his next victim, during the calls he found out about a Hide and Seek event and went participate, there he meet Bryce Miller, next victim. After making him lose the competition on purpose, Christopther told that he would make up with a gift tooking him to his mother's house. Christopher tried to kill him in the basement but Bryce suspected it so Chrstopher took him to meet Betsey in his barn but couldn't murder him again, so he invited him to tooke a slice of chicken pot pie in the kitchen, Bryce realized Christopher had an axe and ran away before he was murdered. Christopher tried to convince him again but he didn't believe and left so Christopher called Shelly and offered to teach her son Moses, to how work on the farm.
Christopher took Moses to his ranch and taught a little about how to work on the farm, after they took a break to eat his delicious Chicken pot pie. Christopher served Moses and took him to meet Betsy, while Moses was distracted Christopher attacked him with an axe and putting him in the barn with a bell around his neck. Christopher called Shelly telling her Moses had an accident that Betsy attacked him, he said to her come to his house help his son and would leave another Chicken pot pie ready for them. Christopher took Moses body to the basement to wait for Shelly for also put a cowbell in her neck but the Police showed up stopping his plans and arresting him.
Leaving the prison Christopher meet with his Comrade Chritopher Stalken in the apartments and they agreed to start their massacre in the name of Cowbell.
Another day comes, Christopher meet with Douglas and Christopher Stalken, and started to ask people if they like Chicken Pot Pie and cowbells; not finding anyone that didn't like it, they left near the apartments before they get caught, which didn't help too much because minutes later they ended up being chased by 3 police officers, they managed to escape miraculously and meet in the apartments again, they meet with Raymond and interrogated him but fortunately he passed in the test. They went to the Burguer shot trying to get food but they encountered with Moses and almost had troubles there, then they leave to get food in another place, Christopher found in the yellow pages Nicholas Reyes, a Novelist and called him to write down their crazy history.
|Christopher Stalken was a cult brother of Talken, in the past they were partners of kids trafficker and organ thieves. Both Christophers studied in the same school and played in a Jazz band together. At some point in the past Christopher Stalken killed Talken's Wife and Talken killed his wife after, both of them they thinked that was a normal thing. After they murdered someone Stalken sometimes do sexual things with the dead bodys and Talken brand their hands with a W.|
|Shelly was one of Christopher targets to be murdered, he invited her to taste his new beef flesh but unfortunately she was in a group of people, so Christopher offered to teach her son how to work on the farm and make him a "new man" tooking him to his farm.
After almost had killed her son, Christopher called him to come help Moses telling that he had an accident with Betsey and was injuried, and he would take him inside so he wouldn't get dirty.
While he waited to kill her, Shelly took a taxi with Ricky Rouse, the first Christopher victim, he told her what happened so she called the police to the location.
They meet Shelly another day in the Burguer shot and she told him and Christopher Stalken that Moses, now doesn't love her anymore and she hasn't seen him in days, Christopher invited her again to go to the ranch to show what really happened, to her understand better him to be able to make up with him, she said maybe will come with them; but out of nowhere, Moses appeared with the head bandaged, he told that Christoper tried to kill him, Chris explained that he was high and hallucinated thinking it was him but it was Betsey, Christopher realized that problems were coming and took Christopher Stalken out burguer shot with him.
|Christopher meet with Douglas James in the apartments, Chris asked if he liked Chicken pot pie, making Douglas nervous, Douglas said he loves chicken pot pie but has bad memories for having burnt his mouth with it. So Christopher asked if him like cowbells, Douglas proved to be obsessed with cowbells, thus not becoming a target anymore, so Christopher Stalken met them and praised Douglas for love both things, Chcken Pot Pie and Cowbells. Douglas became special for both of them.|
|Result: Failed||Gifts: Cowbell||Comments: Ricky was stabbed, but escaped.||Accomplices: None|
|When Christopher was taking Ricky to the ranch, he was already suspecting that something would be wrong and asked if Christopher would kill him, Christohper lied and convinced him to come inside his mother's house. He took Ricky to the basement and stabbed him twice but he ran away while bleeding.|
|Result: Failed||Gifts: Chicken pot pie slice||Comments: Bryce stopped him with a gun.||Accomplices: None|
|Christopher meet Bryce Miller in a hide and seek event, both hid in an bus then Christopher took the opportunity to start to start the bus to took Bryce to his ranch but Bryce leave him and hid in a bush, Christopher followed him and started honking untill he until he gets on the bus making both lose the competition. Christopher invited Bryce to went to his mother's house for make up with him giving a cowbell gift, when they arrived Christopher went introduce his mother to bryce in his basement, on the other hand he started to suspect about Christopher then he refused to enter more ahead, Christopher took him to his barn to meet Betsey but Bryce was on alert and suspecting too much about him, thus he could'nt murder him there, Christopher tried to making Bryce his new Cow, but he changed his mind and pretended it was all a joke so he invited Bryce to get a slice of chicken pot pie before they leave, Christopher hid in the kitchen with a axe to murder him, but Bryce and ran away putting his gun out stopping Christopher.|
|Result: Successful||Gifts: A Chicken pot pie slice and a Cowbell in his neck.||Comments: Christopher made him his new cow after opening his head with an axe.||Accomplices: None|
|Moses was afraid and suspecting about what Christopher would do with him but Christopher made him comfortable and managed to deceive him, he started teaching Moses and invited him to taste his Chicken pot pie, Christopher spit in his dish to clean it and served him the food and drugged him. Moses stopped suspecting and began to trust in Christopher, he also loved his chicken pot pie. "Moses, you about to be more than a men... you can be like a cow..." said Christopher while while taking him to the barn, he told to him grab some hay to give to Betsey, so to make it more fun Christopher invited him to play a game to guess in which garner Betsy was, while he was looking, Christopher took his axe and hit Mosses in the head almost killing him, so he put a bell on him and leave his body inside the garner, making Moses his new cow.|
- Christopher had a bunch of bones in his barn of his cow Betsey.
- Christopher's Father ranged cowbells in his ears to end his bad thoughts.
- His family don't clean themself house because they get very busy Talking and Stalking.
- Christopher killed his mother Miranda.
- Old Betsey (the mother of Betsy) was his best friend in his childhood.
- After Old Betsey died of infection Christopher Mother ranged the bell everytime Christopher was sad.
- Christopher told to Christopher, that he had only one ball sack.
- "I'm Christopher Talken, I always will be Talken."
- "Would you like a cowbell?"
- "Its nothing wrong.. Come with me!"
- "YOU CAN RUN, BUT CAN'T HIDE!!!"
- "I guess you is about to get another pile of bones."
- "Follow me if you want..."
- "I belive you found Betsey! It is you.. You are the cow."
- "I gonna put that bell on you."
- "Can you Muuh like a cow for me?"
|Played By: Burn|
|Main Characters: Sasuke Johnson • Johnny Silverhand • AsmonBronze • Brocky Potage • Bruce Strayne • Chi-Ku Johnson • Din Viesel • Doctor Respect • Gordo Ramsay • Loe Coleman • Mentle Block • Norman Yoder • Raul P. Check • Rhett McCompliment • Sanic Speedrun • Sheldon B. Plankton • Tex Taspeach • Y Naught
Inactive Characters: Aleksandr Kalashnikov • Bike Locke • Brav O'Six • Jules Garder • Krae Toes • Lloyd Jenkins • Matt Zarella • Paul Crawler • Skittles Mathers • Switchfoot Sorrow-Arrow • Tex Tuspeach • Christopher Talken† • Da Babie† • Moe Nopoli† • NoYu Sukk† • Wario Weens† • Zezima Scape†