Nettie Machete/2.0 and Prior

Nettie Steele-Machete is a character role-played by netsirk.

Introduction
Known for her melodrama, Nettie is a former member of Emergency Medical Services who is prone to dragging others into her romantic misadventures in her free time. Her sweet and friendly exterior is just a façade as she's an incredibly mischievous woman who takes great joy in gas-lighting and emotionally tormenting her peers with her outlandish schemes and antics.

She's currently homeless and living out of a car after she deliberately burned her house down to spite her husband in the midst of an argument.

Background
"Yeah, my siblings all died in a fire. Believe it or not, it was on Christmas. It was really unfortunate. My mom also died in that fire." - Nettie

Due to Nettie being a pathological liar, much of her backstory is a mystery as she lies so frequently about her past that she often forgets the truth.

Her place of birth, hometown, pets, and the status of her family are all constantly in flux as she usually makes up stories about them on the spot. Though, a common thread in many of her childhood stories typically involves her committing some form of arson and her family dying in a fire under various conditions.

Despite typically being dishonest about her past, Nettie has sparingly alluded to formerly being a detective; something which Travis Tribble, Jenny Hall, Jackie Snow, Reid Dankleaf, and Olivia Copper have also made passing references to on separate occasions.

Personality
"Nettie, you are the most energetic sprite that I have ever worked with." - Mari Jones

At her best, Nettie is a bubbly and manic ball of chaos. At her worst, she's an incredibly toxic pessimist. Despite this, many know her as a sweet and kind member of the EMS due to her bedside manner from months of working to save lives throughout the city.

Nettie loves drama and is willing to go out of her way to cause it both directly and indirectly. She's been known to deliberately lie and start arguments for little more than her own amusement, particularly with her romantic partners. Until recently, the relative privacy of her relationships has kept this side of her personality hidden from the public eye.

Nettie exhibits many telltale signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder but her condition largely goes unnoticed due to people perceiving her as eccentric and cute. Many of her crueler jokes are actually genuine sentiments that fly under the radar. She has also implied on numerous occasions that she may have impulse control disorders such as kleptomania and pyromania. Since resigning from EMS, Nettie has become increasingly unstable and is now more receptive to violent solutions for mundane problems.

Nettie is also a known enabler and frequently encourages delinquent and irresponsible behavior. She is especially dangerous when paired with impulsive or impressionable individuals. The most notable examples include: Agnes Ranbough, Wilhelmina Copperpot, Bree Matthews, Jordan Steele, Chips Ahoy, and Bailey Jade.

Appearance
''"Have you seen me? I'm an Albino." -'' Nettie

Nettie is a fair-skinned, blue-eyed woman who is most easily identifiable by her blonde mohawk and smudged mascara.

Nettie has a strong aversion to wearing clothing that she deems to be too revealing. She typically wears pants, boots, long-sleeve shirts, sweaters, and jackets. She also owns an unfitted tuxedo. Prior to a mix-up at the cleaners, she used to sport her favorite EMT jacket at all times while on duty as a medic - even after being promoted to the rank of Paramedic.

After having a stint as a manager at Steele Family Parking, Nettie acquired a taste for wearing suits to non-formal occasions.

Timeline of Events
"I'd just like to say that my time here has been swell and I owe it all to E. E. Cummings... and Mountain Dew... and emotional turmoil. So just remember me as I once was, okay?" - Nettie

Reid Dankleaf
"Well, you used to be a detective-lady. What does your gut tell you?" - Reid

Tessa Lamb
"But I thought you were my Lamb Chop..." - Nettie

Tracy Martell
"Who else is going to be with you? Nobody knows you like I do. Nobody's crazy enough to be with you, you crazy bitch." - Tracy

Katherine 'KitKat' Kaspar
''"So I just looked up the definition of an abusive relationship on Google, and that... uhhh... that ticks all the boxes." ''- KitKat`

Jerry Callow
''"I did not have sexual relations with Chips' air conditioner, Nettie! I promise!" ''- Jerry

Jordan Steele
''"Our love can melt steel beams!" ''- Jordan

Chips Ahoy
"Heya, Nettie! How've ya been?!" - Chips

Kayden Dell'Anno †
"Listen, whoever you are, Miss... 'Nettie Impostor'. I know that Nettie also died in the war so maybe we were both created in a factory somewhere. Either way, neither of us are who we say we are!" - Kayden

Mari Jones
"Listen, Mari would never teach me a wrong thing." - Nettie

Bailey Jade
''"Nettie, no! We're not shooting anyone!" - ''Bailey

Kizzy Neveah
"Actually, I think the issue there was Brenda didn't want Amara and Amara was deluding herself." - Kizzy

Jessie Skid †
"You're a good egg, Jessie. I hope you've been staying safe." - Nettie

James 'Apples' Apeller
"We can't hurt Nettie, she's a friend!" - Apples

Wilhelmina Copperpot
"I didn't shoot cops, Nettie shot cops! Oh god, I'm freaking out man!" - Copperpot

Thomas Dwayne
"Nettie, I need you to listen closely: War." - Thomas

Miscellaneous Relationships
"A lot of times people randomly come up and tell me that they love me. It's actually kind of annoying." - Nettie

Hobbies
"Dammit Nettie, why can't you be normal? What ya need is to go get ya'self a hobby or somethin' instead of torturing these poor people with this nonsense." - Tribble

Quotes

 * "Remember me as I once was."
 * "I've been prepared to die for years."
 * "I'm mostly alive, but partly dead."
 * "I have negative friends."
 * "I am many things..."
 * "I'm the vest fairy!"
 * "You see... the thing is..."
 * "That's right, you did this."
 * "Women will be the death of me."
 * "Sir, have you seen me? I'm emo."
 * "When are these people going to die already?!"
 * "Dammit, I didn't have a death poem prepared!"
 * "Eat the spider, Bree! Eat it, eaaaat it!"
 * "Don't you ever, and I mean ever, waste E. E. Cummings on a stripper."
 * "Don't worry, I haven't had somebody die under my care in ages. It's actually a bit disappointing."
 * "What is love? I don't know either. I've been trying so hard to find it... Everywhere I've looked, everywhere I look! I've looked up, I've looked down, I've looked everywhere and in-between, and I can't find love! But, I want love to find me! Because I can't go looking for it anymore, I can't. I just can't do it. When it's time, it's time. When you know, you know. You know?"

Trivia

 * Nettie is a virgin. Although many in the city believe this to be a lie due her success in alluring both men and women.
 * Nettie is a Gemini, though she claims to be a Pisces.
 * Nettie used to own a Rhapsody, a Glendale, a Michelli GT, and a Faggio v3.
 * Nettie owns a house on Imagination Court in the Vespucci Canals.
 * Nettie claims that her blonde mohawk is genetic and that her hair grows that way.
 * Due to Nettie's compulsive lying, it's often hard to discern whether or not she's telling the truth in a given situation. This habit was further compounded by her relationship with Jordan, where they both frequently lie to each other and take their lies at face value. This has often led to scenarios where Nettie inadvertently lies her way into believing her own lies.
 * Despite owning a home in the Vespucci Canals, Nettie seldom sleeps there. She instead elected to live in the janitor's closet at Pillbox until the hospital staff changed the locks on her after she resigned.
 * Nettie once had Sam McEntyre as a roommate but evicted her for acting too motherly by packing lunches and washing her laundry.
 * Ever since her breakup with Kitkat, Nettie has sported a semi-permanent smudged mascara look. A side effect of crying to herself in the Pillbox janitor's closet every morning before starting her shift. Though she now claims that she doesn't wear mascara anymore and that the constant crying permanently pigmented her skin.
 * Nettie has a strong distaste for vibrant and pastel hair colors which she deems unnatural. She often bullies people in an attempt to get them to change their hair color.
 * Nettie may, or may not, recreationally abuse ketamine that's been pilfered from the hospital. Who's to say?
 * After having her sternum crushed during a hit-and-run accident, Nettie no longer has ribs.
 * Nettie first asked Tracy out on AOL instant messenger. Her AOL username was: Nettie123XL5.
 * Nettie has a fatalistic sense of humor and frequently makes casual jokes regarding her own mortality to herself. A habit that regularly causes concern among those around her.
 * Nettie slowly assimilated many of Tracy's personal idioms and catchphrases while they were dating.
 * "Brakked", sometimes spelled "brak'd", is a slang-term for breakup which originates from Tracy. Its initial usage was cause for concern as Nettie wasn't sure what it meant, "-but it sure does sound bad."
 * Nettie tends to find possessiveness incredibly attractive, particularly in individuals who she already has a crush on. This has led to her frequently pining for Tracy's jealous outbursts when they're apart.
 * Tracy claims that Nettie's chest and butt are square and blocky, much like the 2009 video game Minecraft.
 * The thought of openly expressing physical intimacy has caused her to flee from a conversation on several occasions.
 * Despite being friends with most of the staff at Pillbox, Nettie has held a firm stance that her co-workers aren't family.
 * Nettie has suffered several traumatic brain injuries over the years, the most severe being when she tripped over a barrier and fell 100ft into the lower Pillbox parking lot.
 * Nettie is notoriously bad at remembering names. She frequently lists contacts in her phone under nicknames that she makes up on the spot, a practice that has come back to bite her on numerous occasions.
 * Nettie has a collection of unclaimed teeth which she keeps on her person, just in case she ever needs a transplant due to the cavities she's gained from copious Mountain Dew consumption.
 * Nettie would later claim that she crafted dentures out of her teeth collection after she'd lost all of her teeth to her Mountain Dew addiction while talking to Pogg Dan.
 * In hopes of reducing the number of calls EMS gets flooded with, Nettie began donating body armor to the citizens of Los Santos and calling herself the "Vest Fairy". She eventually scrapped this initiative when she realized how expensive it'd become over time.
 * After losing a $25,000 bet to "Dead Eye" Drew Harrison, Nettie developed a gambling addiction.
 * Is a part of Lance Malton and Bree Matthews' band, Corpse Juice. Though they've never practiced, performed, or written a song.
 * Believes she's 95% "immortal" after joining Gremlin's blood cult.

2.0 Gallery
"Sometimes I just look at the mirror and think, 'Woah." - Nettie