Nettie Machete

Nettie Machete is a character role-played by netsirk.

General Description
"Just remember me as I once was, Boba. Once a lesbian, always a lesbian, but forever celibate." - Nettie

Known for her melodrama, Nettie is a former member of Emergency Medical Services who is prone to dragging others into her romantic misadventures in her free time. Her sweet and friendly exterior is just a façade as she's an incredibly mischievous woman who takes great joy in gas-lighting and emotionally tormenting her peers with her outlandish schemes and antics.

Nettie is currently broken and alone.

Physical Description
"Have you seen me? I'm an Albino." - Nettie

Nettie is a fair-skinned, blue-eyed woman who is most easily identifiable by her blonde mohawk and smudged mascara. She claims to be 6'5, though she often embellishes miscellaneous details regarding her physical stature and age.

Nettie has a strong aversion towards wearing clothing that she deems to be too revealing. She typically wears pants, boots, long-sleeve shirts, sweaters, and jackets. After befriending Wilhelmina Copperpot during her stint as a manager at Garage Q, Nettie acquired a taste for wearing suits to non-formal occasions.

Background Information
"Yeah, my siblings all died in a fire. Believe it or not, it was on Christmas. It was really unfortunate. My mom also died in that fire." - Nettie

Due to Nettie being a pathological liar, much of her backstory is a mystery as she lies so frequently about her past that she often forgets the truth.

Her place of birth, hometown, pets, and the status of her family are all constantly in flux as she usually makes up stories about them on the spot. Though, a common thread in many of her childhood stories typically involves her committing some form of arson and her family dying in a fire under various conditions. These stories often heavily imply the fire was a form of deliberate familicide.

Despite typically being dishonest about her past, she has sparingly alluded to formerly being a detective during exchanges with some of her old colleagues.

Timeline
"I'd just like to say that my time here has been swell and I owe it all to E. E. Cummings... and Mountain Dew... and emotional turmoil. So just remember me as I once was, okay?" - Nettie

Quotes

 * "Remember me as I once was."
 * "I'll be a beacon of despair."
 * "I'm lost in a cloud of how wonderful I am."
 * "Boba, do you mind if I objectify your wife in front of Tracy to make her jealous?"
 * "I was court ordered off the internet for stalking Reba McEntire and Sandra Bullock."
 * "It's just like what Peyton Sawyer, from the hit tv show One Tree Hill, would always say, 'People always leave.'"
 * "Listen Bailey, I've tased people on duty. I've beaten people unconscious on duty. I decapitated a woman on duty... Allegedly, allegedly!"
 * "How's that saying go? Wait until the fat something or other? Ohhhh wait until the fat lady sings, that's right! Anyone have Jean's number?"
 * "Well how can you tell the crazy ones from the non-crazy ones considering all women are crazy? I can personally attest to this, have you seen me?"
 * "Ohhhhh, Gioconda Coppola! That sounds like a venereal disease, 'I went overseas and caught the Gioconda Coppola.' You see, this is why it's important to remember to get your booster shots."

Trivia
"Dammit Nettie, why can't you be normal? What ya need is to go get ya'self a hobby or somethin' instead of torturing these poor people with this nonsense." - Travis Tribble

Gallery
"Sometimes I just look at the mirror and think, 'Woah." - Nettie