Johanna Golden

Johanna Golden is a character played by Carbie.

Description
Johanna Golden is a caretaker and EMS A-104 with an addiction to coffee.

Johanna dedicates herself to being a caretaker for injured people, due to her experience taking care of her ill twin sister in her youth. She has a therapy bunny named Mocha that she uses for this job.

Previously in September 2021 after suffering from extreme somniphobia- the fear of sleep- and schizoaffective disorder that caused her to hallucinate her sister's voice telling her not to sleep, she ended up having psychosis where she believed she was dead. In April 2023 she had a manic episode where she believed that everyone was trying to kill her, leading to her kidnapping her best friend Happy in order to 'keep him safe'. This led her to being put in Parsons, where she received medication for her mood swings and extensive therapy, although declined medication for schizophrenia because she didn't want to lose her sisters voice.

Background
Johanna’s parents were very much of the belief that time equals money, and that you needed to constantly be working and grinding, which caused them to consistently be out of the house and neglectful. They unintentionally instilled this belief into Johanna, making her feel like she always had to be doing something. This partially caused Johanna’s dislike of sleep, because it took up too much time she could be using to care for her sister, do chores around the house, or take care of herself. This is also where her dependence on coffee came from.

Johanna also had a twin sister Hannah who was very sick from birth, and who Johanna had to take care of for most of her life. Johanna and her twin sister were an accident, with their parents only being twenty years old and not mature enough to be responsible for two kids, especially along with dealing with Hannah's sickness. Thus, all the responsibility ended up falling on Johanna, who took it on because she blamed herself for her sister’s condition. Johanna was the stronger twin, and in turn, was the cause of her sister’s weaker condition. Eventually, Hannah died in her sleep from a heart problem, leaving Johanna alone and scared, and incredibly guilty. The trauma of constantly losing sleep over having to take care of every little thing in the household, her sister's death, and her undiagnosed mental illness all lead to Johanna beginning to hear her sister's voice in her head, telling her not to sleep.

From then on Johanna compartmentalized and tried to continue pushing forward, falling through the cracks in the school system because she went to a large school, and never attending therapy to deal with the grief. Johanna only had herself to rely on, and was desperate for connection again. This would later lead to her unhealthy attachments to specific people in Los Santos.

When she returned home for a week to visit her sister's grave in March 2022, Johanna found out that her father had died, and that was the impetus for her leaving for Los Santos. She doesn't remember this because she was so sleep deprived at that point in time, but after finding out what happened, she remembers feeling rage at seeing her mother crying over her father's death when that never happened for her sister. Still, her mother apologized for everything relating to Hannah's death and Johanna's childhood, yet this only angered Johanna further. It was too little too late in her opinion. She returned to Los Santos with only resentment for her mother left.

In March 2023 she returned home, and was told that her mother was pregnant, and going to be marrying again. Johanna became angry at the fact that her mom only now wanted to be a mother and a family, not back when it mattered. Doctor Quinn Naiper suggested that after losing both Johanna's father, Hannah, and Johanna moving away, it may have caused her mom to reevaluate her priorities and realize that she wanted a family, and Johanna might feel better if she gave her a chance. Johanna is still thinking about this.

Story Events

 * -|Johanna's 'Death'=

In late September of 2021, Johanna collapsed at Dean’s World after staying up for seven days, hitting her head on the ground and receiving a concussion. When she woke up at the hospital, she was under the belief that she had died. She could not feel her own heartbeat, even when other people felt it and told her it was there. When people pointed out that if she died then how was she walked around, she stated that she must be kept in this world because people refused to believe she was dead. No amount of logic would convince her that she was actually still alive. This is because Johanna was suffering under Cotard’s Delusion, a rare disorder where someone believes that they are dead despite all evidence to the contrary.

Johanna tried to convince people she was dead, but it seemed like nothing she could say would convince them, and instead people seemed to treat her like what she was feeling wasn’t real to her. Even if the delusions were false, she still felt dead, and no one seemed to understand that. Finally, after being convinced by Veronica to reach out for help, Johanna contacted Professor Galactic, who referred her to Bob Moss.

Bob Moss was the first person who really seemed to listen to Johanna and understand her concerns, without contradicting her and saying what she was feeling wasn’t real. From this session onward, and because of Veronica, Johanna felt a drive to become alive again, although she wasn’t quite sure how to do that. The one thing she did know was that Veronica made her feel safe and cared for, which is something she’d never felt before, and which she connected to the idea of being in love with Veronica. This was an issue because Veronica was dating Josh, and Johanna simply had no chance. Still, she held out hope, until the day Veronica came to her with news that she was engaged.

Johanna was heartbroken, and sat down on the beach, thinking to herself. Right before the voice of her sister could begin taunting her however, a woman named Clover came up to her and reached out to her, giving her someone to talk to. This one simple act of kindness by a complete stranger who had no reason to comfort Johanna was the spark that made Johanna realize she really wanted to be alive. Johanna described it as the idea that sometimes, all you need is the knowledge that there are people out there who will care, even if there’s no incentive for them to. She thought only Veronica could really care for her, and that was actually what triggered her death in the first place. Johanna had never felt cared for before Veronica came into her life and showed concern and worry about her, and the stress and confusing nature of this caused Johanna go to her usual coping mechanism of coffee and no sleep, which ended up leading to a psychotic episode. By Clover coming up to her, Johanna felt more secure in letting herself be comforted and cared for, and that was the spark she needed to feel comfortable being alive again, although it wasn’t a conscious decision.

Brett Maxwell reached out to Johanna for her caretaking services one day, claiming to need help as his drug dealer wasn't around, and he didn't have any more product to use, so he needed someone around him during withdrawals. They ended up talking down by the Vineyard waterfall, and Johanna learned a bit more about him and his problems, which were his strained relationship with his girlfriend, and his complex relations with his family. She also learned that he was friends with Rick Locke, who Johanna had a complicated relationship with.
 * -|Brett Maxwell=

After this meeting, Johanna would receive a phone call from Brett later saying he was going point the past of return, and was going to do something that might get him killed. Johanna was unable to do anything at that point in time, but later called Brett checking up on him, and managed to meetup with him again. During this meeting, Brett handcuffed Johanna and dangled her above a pier's edge, threatening her with a hatchet. He believed that Johanna only faked caring about him, and wanted to find out her ulterior motives for being a caretaker, as he didn't believe anyone could do something like that without getting something from it.

She managed to talk her way out of it, but the experience left her terrified. Brett later threatened Veronica and Johanna, which prompted them to go into hiding, until finally Johanna met up with him again, although she had organized a group of people together to secretly watch them as they talked. They managed to resolve things during this meeting, and Johanna said she would still talk to him again, although she would be more cautious. She believes in a lot of ways that they are both kindred spirits, hurt by Rick Locke. Johanna sees what might have been in him, as she was close with Rick for a while, while she was especially vulnerable.

From this point on, Johanna has mended the relationship with Brett, and has made it her mission to try and save him from his 'family' and the brainwashing Rick put him through. Whether this is because of guilt or empathy or remorse is unknown, even to her. Her and Brett then became closer, to the point that Johanna now considers them friends, after Brett helped her after she was attacked by Gwyar when none of her other friends would.

In February of 2023, Johanna had a heart attack. She was told she couldn't have coffee anymore because it raised her blood pressure too much, and would kill her.
 * -|Manic Episode=

In March of 2023, Johanna went to visit back home, where she discovered her mom was pregnant and wanting to start a new family. When she came back to Los Santos, Johanna kept getting irrationally angry over small things.

In April of 2023, Johanna began exhibiting a lot more energy than usual, claiming she was on top of the world. She cut her hair with a knife and became far more impulsive, telling Gwyar to fuck himself over Twatter, and sledgehammering a GSF member. She soon became paranoid that no one wanted her to be feeling good because they were all questioning her, and this morphed into a belief about a conspiracy to kill her. Since Gwyar threatened her, she got stabbed for her gun, and a Diamond Dog hit her with a bat, she spiraled into believing everyone was out to get her.

She went off the grid into the woods to stay safe, where Happy soon confronted her. Johanna still trusted Happy, despite the fact that originally she thought he hated her because he dodged a question of caring about her by saying he was 'dealing with a lot' She believed that he was in danger because people knew where she lived, and she lived with him, so people would go after him. Happy told her that she was paranoid and delusional, so Johanna, believing he would be killed if he left, handcuffed him and took him hostage as a precaution. She ended up passing out from pure exhaustion after trying to convince him she was trying to protect him, and Happy then went to get help. Johanna was placed in Parsons for everyone's safety, and diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia. She was put on medication and came out of her episode feeling embarrassed and guilty.

The manic episode was caused by several factors, including the lack of coffee she was using to self medicate, the stress of her heart attack, her mom's pregnancy, being reminded of her depressive episode back in September 2021, and the straw that broke the camel's back, having to break one of her friend's heart when she rejected him.

Relationships
Veronica Westfield – Veronica is Johanna’s friend, who she previously had a crush on. This crush was known to Veronica, but the feelings are not reciprocated. Johanna accepts this, but knows that her feelings may never go away even so. Their relationship is very kind and supportive, but it may be a bit too codependent, especially on Johanna's end. Johanna often ends up using Veronica to prop up herself when she needs help, to the point that she has trouble helping herself.
 * -|Friends=

Franklin 'Happy' Lee - Johanna considers Happy one of her best friends, being especially close to him ever since his 51-50 in December 2022. She felt guilt about not being able to stop this, and vowed to protect them from then on. They went on to live together in the same house, with Johanna sleeping on his couch.

Logan Greenheart - Johanna's close friend, Logan and Johanna are like two sides of the same coin. They both struggle with very similar things, despite having two very different upbringings, and thus understand each other's struggles. Logan gives Johanna the most gifts, knowing that gift giving is her love language.

Reina Vergara - Reina and Johanna have a nice friendship which was kindled through working the Plus One booth together, especially during the period of time where Reina was struggling with her family, and struggling to sleep. Johanna felt like she was the closest person to understanding what she was going through, and so dedicated her time to just talking to her. They shared stories, and Johanna felt like she made some progress, until one day when Plus One were in Cerberus trying to console a sleep deprived Reina. Johanna tried to help Reina, and ended up getting stabbed by her in the middle of a sleep-deprived hallucination. Johanna ended up forgiving her, knowing what being in that state is like, and they had a long chat on the pier about her family, and what Reina truly wanted. However since this incident, Johanna started drinking coffee again.

Brett Maxwell - A friend of Johanna's, although their relationship is tentative. Johanna is still scared of him because of his actions towards her and others, but feels a responsibility to help him as his caretaker, and eventually as a friend and someone who feels a kinship with him due to Rick Locke.

Rick Locke – Johanna’s first friend in the city, Rick was someone who encouraged Johanna’s bad habits, telling her to sleep less and drink more coffee. He and Veronica did not get along, and eventually Johanna chose Veronica over him after he ended up dismissing her feelings during her 'death'. Later she learned of his murderous tendencies, and eventually realized when she was more stable that their relationship was not good in any sense of the word. He terrifies her now, as she recognizes what could have been if Rick had sunk his fingers deeper in her, and took advantage of her weakened mental state.
 * -|Enemies=

Gwyar Cawthorne - A serial killer who wants to corrupt Johanna. He forced her to stab someone at Rooster's Rest, and has held a grudge against her ever since. He is the reason that she wears glasses, as he shot her right above her eye, causing blurriness in her left eye.

Important Items
These are items Johanna always keeps on her as a reminder and a memento. She holds these items dear to her because her love language is gift giving, but the gifts she receives are few and far between.

Rick's Necklace - A necklace Rick gave Johanna when they were metal detecting one day. Johanna has kept it on her ever since, even after learning about how awful Rick really was. She has said she wants to get rid of it, but never has. In a way, it represents the control he still has over her life, even as he's locked in prison.

Brett's Teddy Bear - A teddy bear that says 'Get Well Soon' that Brett gave Johanna after she was injured by Gwyar. This meant a lot to Johanna, as she is almost never given gifts, and she was especially in need of comfort in that moment.

Trivia

 * Johanna’s real name is Jolene. She explained that her parents weren't expecting twins, and wanted to name their kid Johanna, but when they were born, settled on Jolene and Hannah. After Hannah's death, Johanna took on her name as a way to let her live on in her.
 * Johanna has a bad leg that causes her permanently walks with a limp. One of her legs is shorter than the other to a birth defect, and can be fixed with surgery, but requires taking time off work.
 * Johanna got into SuperWhoLock on Tumblr in 2014, coincidentally the year Dashcon took place. Take from that what you may.
 * The name for Johanna originally came from Sweeney Todd. Her auditory hallucination of hearing birds singing is a reference to this.
 * Johanna responded to the call for the death of Michael Simone on one of her first shifts as EMS. The call has stuck with her ever since because she had to see Nick Simone mourning the death of his brother, and it struck a chord with her.